Expectations

Brett has long advised me that expectations are of the devil.


I used to think this was ridiculous.  I mean, without expectations, how would anyone know what was expected of them?  Redundant, but valid.  But when you think more about Brett's crazy idea, you start to realize he's not far from the mark.  Shoot, he makes the mark.

I think I've probably pontificated on this point in the past.  So I'll just jump to my recent experience.

I was really upset with my mother-in-law.  Even though she would say how much she missed the kids, etc., she never really did anything to go about seeing them.  In a span of five weeks, she saw them twice.  I guess I started getting annoyed when her behavior didn't match her supposed disappointment.  

My anger spawned from eight years of other incidents, from her first remark upon hearing we were pregnant with our first, ("I'm not going to be a daycare!") to just flat out seeming to have no remorse for us moving to Arizona.  

BUT THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT!!  You have no idea how much that hurts my red personality to say that.

I had expectations.  I expected her to dote on her grandkids, the way my family did.  I expected her to want to go out of her way to see them.  I expected her to throw herself prostrate on the floor when we told her we were moving.  And because I had these expectations, each time she didn't live up to them I was extremely disappointed.

Of course I complained to Brett.  That's why God invented husbands.  It's true.  It's in the Bible...in the very back.

And then he reminded me that I was placing a lot of unrealistic expectations on my mother-in-law.  With many rolls of the eyes and deep prayer, I realized, he was, yet again, right.  (I really hate it when he's right.)

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting it to come out different."

So I did something different: I stopped expecting.  And an amazing thing happened.

I started feeling really sorry for her.  I started to realize how much it would hurt once we were gone, for her.  And if she felt that remorse when we were gone, I'd feel really sad.

"Shoot for the stars and hope for the moon."

I couldn't change her attitude, but I could change mine.

I started doing service for her.

I started praying for her instead of about her.

It's amazing how Heavenly Father can change a heart.  I think Brett was joking when he said, "Expectations are of the devil," but I really think they are.  What a clever way to wedge important relationships.

So much "hurt, heartache and sorrow" come from having expectations of other people.  Expecting them to be the perfect husband, the ideal housewife, the doting child.  The caring boss, the inspiring teacher, the friend who will tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to hear.

Brett often does the dishes in the morning.  I never ask him to.  I never expect him to.  If he doesn't do them, then I do.  But every time he does do them, I want to kiss him until my lips go numb.  I'm so grateful for his service to me, it almost overwhelms me.

I have a friend who has an "arrangement" with her husband that he has to do the dishes.  I notice they're always fighting about it.  He never does them at the right time, or doesn't do them the right way.  The expectation is there, and even when it's met, it's done with resentment on both sides.

The only person who has any right to expect anything from anyone is our Savior, and he doesn't even do that.  Instead, he did for us what we should all do for each other in place of expectations.  He gave us service.  He gave us love.  He gave us kind direction.  

As in all things, he's the perfect example.  

John 13:34 "A new commandment I give you.  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Two Week Count Down

My dad cried three different times tonight.  He says he's in denial, but his tears say otherwise.

My Kembry is sick, but my mom still insisted she spend the night at Grandma's house.  There are so few left they get to do that =(

Chloe is going to be one in exactly one month.  Do not bring this up to my parents.  They're going to miss it.

I still can't believe this will be our house for only a few more days.  My step-dad came and tiled the entry way and it's so beautiful.  I wish I could use it as an excuse not to leave.

"But I haven't enjoyed the entry way long enough!!"

But Arizona pulls us.  We all know it's what we're supposed to do.  A fun little adventure.  It's just going to be hard to say goodbye!

The Nerve!!

After an E.R. visit and a trip to an orthopedic surgeons PA (which totally makes me mad) they STILL don't know what's wrong with my nerve.

So we get to do the age old torture of NERVE TESTING!  Yay!

They're also going to give me a nerve block and see if that helps get some of the feeling back in my muscles in my foot and leg.  It would be so nice to walk again.

"And if that doesn't work," says perky PA, "then we'll do surgery."

"On what?!"  I responded.

*Dumb stare*

That's what I thought.  Boy, they just loooove cutting people open.

(Honestly, I was hoping for surgery.  Like, emergency surgery, so I could have it before we moved.  Sigh, looks like I'll have to wait for AZ.)

I'm on too many drugs to come up with a "I've got nerve" jokes.  Sorry.  So please, leave all your hilarious joke ideas in my comment box, where I can laugh at them through my Percocet induced coma.  Thank you so much.

Did You Think to Pray?

Last Sunday was Fast Sunday.  While in June I knew exactly what I needed and wanted to fast for, this month my mind and spirit was overrun with thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes in the midst of these overwhelming and cloudy emotions, it's hard to see the obvious answer.  But as always, Heavenly Father gave me the obvious answer.

I knelt down and prayed for guidance, because I knew that He knew what I needed most, and how exactly to receive that.

The first words out of my mouth were, "Help me know that I am thy daughter."

I was overcome with the emotion of the Spirit.  Happy tears filled my eyes and I was directed in my own prayer to my Father by my Father.

As I continued to pray and pour my soul out to Him, temptation was "nigh" and everything in the world seemed possible.  Not only possible, but down right easy.  Enduring to the end?  Please, I could do it standing on my head.  Parenting my children to return to their Father in Heaven: like eating a piece of pie.  Knowledge, patience, kindness, compassion...it all seemed so possible, so simple, so obvious.

Joseph Smith said something along the lines that pure intelligence is the fruit of the Spirit.  I know this is what I was feeling.  Pure intelligence.  Understanding of the plan of happiness.  Understanding and complete knowledge of my Father's love for me.

And I know I have felt this before.  Before, it was fleeting, and left me shortly after standing from prayer.  But this Sunday it stayed with me through church, after church, through Sunday dinner, all the way to bedtime where I offered a prayer of thanks for the most peaceful and wonderful Sabbath.

Of course when I woke, I had fallen from grace yet again.  But the Spirit still lingered.  My patience stretched with my children, my love grew.  I had a powerful memory of that feeling and it guides me to my knees.

I have a testimony of prayer.  It doesn't matter what religion  you are, get down on your knees and speak to  your Father.  He yearns to offer you peace even more than you desire to feel it.