It's Scary, My House

Sometimes I wish I was a little bit more of a clean freak.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love when my house is clean.  I would just rather someone else clean it for me =)

My house is a disaster zone.  It's all dressed up to scare people for Halloween. It's been worse, sure, but today, with Brett out gallivanting with the young men, and Chloe throwing tantrums every forty three seconds, I'm just gonna sit back and ignore it.

Ignore the cereal crushed on the floor.

Ignore the cockroach eating the cereal crushed on the floor (kidding, but this does happen in AZ all too often).

Ignore last nights dinner on the stove.

Ignore the Lego embedded in my foot.

Ignore that Cohen is wearing long pants when it's 4 million degrees outside.

Ignore that Kembry's hair isn't done, and that she's wearing cowboy boots two sizes too small with a tutu.  (Actually, it's kinda cute.)

I'm just gonna put my feet up and play the poor picked on wife when Brett comes home.  Maybe I can guilt him into cleaning.

Yeah, probably not.

Happy Saturday Halloween!

Brett: Kids sandwiches are made.

Me: Were they made with love?

Brett: They were cut diagonally if that's what you mean.

In fact, that's exactly what I meant.  <3

Be Still

Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."

Brett and I are having a rough time.  I think the kids are too.  And normally, when I'm having a rough time, my bipolar kicks in.  I either want to wallow in my self pity, which I did Tuesday and Wednesday, and it was fabulous, or I push my sleeves up and do ridiculous things, like clean the house and bake.

Keeping busy sort of helps me forget that I'm feeling picked on.  Wallowing usually involves reading or TV, and that numbs me nicely.  But there are those moments in between where I'm forced to face what's really on my mind.

Loneliness.

Fear of the unknown.

Confusion.

Being overwhelmed.

Feeling homesick.

And as much as I try and try and try to block out these feelings, they're there for a reason, and I need to confront them.

Brett asked me the other night, "What do you think Heavenly Father is trying to tell you through these trials?"

I slapped him.  Just kidding.  I wanted to.  I hate it when he's right.

But I think I know a little bit more about what I'm supposed to be learning.  I need to, "Be still and know that [He] is God."

It's hard to be still.  It's hard to confront those feelings of fear and inadequacy.  But oh the comfort that comes when we do it through Him.

I still feel all those things, but I'm comforted to know that they, too, shall pass.

When we first moved here, I cried every night for about two weeks.  I thought we had made a huge mistake.  But those feelings passed.  And I knew they would.

So I guess what I'm trying to convince myself is that it's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed and lonely.  I won't always feel this way.  Time will heal.  I'll make friends.  Hey, I even found the library yesterday!  And eventually Brett won't have to travel as much, we won't have to make a house and rent payment in the same month, and the kids will have their own room.

All I need is time.

And chocolate.

A Conversation

Brett:  I'll be home momentarily.

Kelly: Mk.  Heads up. I am not responsible for anything Chloe may, or may not, have done while I'm 'resting my eyes' upstairs.  The End.

Brett:  Whoa whoa whoa.  I'm not promising anything sight unseen!

Kelly: You don't have to sign anything.  Just remember I was in labor with her for five months.  I've done my share!

Brett:  It only counts if you remember it.  Clearly.

Kelly:  I.  Remember.  EVERYTHING.


Brett:  Well played.

Brought to you by parents who don't watch their children, who don't seal their cereal, and who don't want to clean up after said children.

Down Time

Kids in bed : check.

Brett to young mens : check

Kitchen clean : check

Living room...moving on...

What to do?  What to do?

I use to pray for down time and now I feel like I have it all the time.  Chloe sleeps three out of the seven hours the kids are at school.  One out of the remaining four, she watches Blue's Clue's.  "Blue" is the only real word she says.  Does this offend me?  OF COURSE!  But I'll save that for another post.  ( I mean c'mon, I was in labor for 6 months with her!  Sight exaggeration, but still.  Couldn't she at least say a clear "mama" once in awhile?  Sheesh.)

I don't have too many friends springing from the wood works right now.  I'm sort of hulled up in the apartment which I've become rather fond of lately.  (Small square footage = less cleaning).  I don't know where the library is (I'm pretty sure Google Maps is hating me lately.  It keeps saying things are here and there, but they're not anywhere!  I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I Am.  Wait...)

I've made about a dozen new recipes (thank you Pinterest), including bread, which I've never made, and which Brett made a huge deal about ("Oh, it's sooo good.  I'm going to eat everything on this bread!  It's amazing!" i.e. make bread, because it's cheaper than store bought.)

I'm sure there's a lot I could do in my down time, but I miss my little whipper snappers when they're at school.  We had them home for a week for fall break and it was so fun doing crafts together and watching Hocus Pocus and doing all sorts of random stuff.  It was fun seeing them for more than 4 hours.  Sigh.

They grow up too fast.  Where have I heard that before?

Is it too early to wish for grand babies?  You're right, I should just have another one...

Ohhhh Brrrrreeeeeettttt....

Welcome Technology, I Embrace You Now

So I totally love that my kids school does it electronic style.

I get everything through e-mail (with the exception of Cohen's teacher, sigh.)

I used to be super anti-technology.  Let me hold the paper in my hand!  Let me tack it to my burgeoning refrigerator door!  Let me have paper!

Now, with two workin' the grind, I have paper coming out of my ears!  Homework, school work, fundraisers, pictures, notes, calendars...KILL ME!

Kembry starting school was a real surprise to us all.  She took an early entrance exam and passed!  I just didn't plan on all the organizing and remembering I would now have to do.  They should give the parents an early entrance exam, because I was NOT PREPARED!!

But Kembry's teacher does everything electronically.  Reminders every day, which I need.  Class newsletter in my email box, not my refrigerator door where, let's face it, I would never see it.  She even does event organizing through e-mail.  She also wears high heels every day to school, resulting in Kembry wanting to wear her church shoes every day to school.  She's a real cute teacher.

Anywho...if you're on the cusp, not quite sure you want to make that jump from paper to e-mail, let me push you off.  Because technology rocks baby!!

Mrs. Douglas *tap tap* would ya mind?  For the sanity of all us mothers just trying to do our best?  For our refrigerator doors who are hanging on those weakening hinges?  FOR THE SANITY OF ANY PARENT WHO HAS TO SCHEDULE TWO PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES ON THE SAME DAY???

Thank you and good night.

The Amazing Dry Erase Marker

So, say, perchance, you have a feisty five year old.

And let's say you also have a nifty dry erase board.

(Good combo, right?)

Now, let's say that feisty five year old, out of no small amount of malice, took a permanent marker to your nifty dry erase board.

Nifty Dry Erase Board

Of course you would calmly react. (That's me up there, calmly reacting.) You would pat her no her head an call her a little scamp then give her some candy.

And after she ate her yummy candy, let's say she went back to your now destroyed nifty dry erase board and...colored over the permanent marker with dry erase marker.

Now since all of this has just happened by chance, let's say, by chance, you go over and erase the newly colored-on dry erase marker from the permanent marker.

Do you know what would happen?

Do you believe in miracles by accident?

IT ERASED THE PERMANENT MARKER.

Say whaaaaat?


IT ERASED.  THE PERMANENT.  MARKER.

Go, spread the good news from every corner of the world.  Permanent marker is no longer the enemy of the dry erase board!

I Am Thankful

I read this blog a lot.  One day she posted a question asked by a teacher in church:

What if you woke up today

with only the things

you thanked God for yesterday?

So the other day I was driving to Brett's work to have lunch with him.  It's about a half hour drive.  And while I was driving, I literally thought about each individual, little, tiny, seemingly insignificant thing that I was grateful for.

I thought about Kembry, with whom I struggle the most.  It was eye opening to find out I loved everything about her, especially her outrageously enthusiastic energy and personality.  If I had to wake up and not have her smile and squeal to greet me, I'd be lost.  She teaches me to use the patience I pray for.

I thought about living in an apartment right now, and even though I don't love it, I found that I was really grateful that this is where I am.  I'm very close to my little family (literally) and while at first it felt like I didn't have enough space to myself, now it feels like the little space I have is filled with the things and the people I love most.  No matter where I am in the apartment, I can see or hear them.  It's actually quite nice.

I thought about how fortunate we are to have freeways.  To have cars.  To have shoes.  I was grateful for my ten toes and fingers.  I was grateful that, even though I have a bad back, I can still walk (most of the time) and I was grateful that I had a back in the first place.  I was grateful for a body that bares beautiful children.  I was grateful for my five senses.

 I was grateful for kissing.

I thought of so many seemingly silly things, and my heart was filled with joy that wasn't so silly.

It was absolutely the most wonderful 30 minute drive I've ever taken.