I am a weak person. The one strength I hold onto is that I recognize this very fact: I am weak. I can pick out my weaknesses. I can say, "Alright, from this day onward, I'm going to strengthen this particular weakness," and then guess what, I do it! I do it so well, that after a time, I become proficient and my old weaknesses turn into great strengths. Then I start to think, "I'm really good at this. I don't need to try so hard anymore. I can relax a little bit and focus on the million other weaknesses I struggle with." And BAM! I relax, I get lazy, my proficiency get's less and less so, and soon my old weakness is my new weakness, and I have to start all over again.
I have read the Book of Mormon. I understand the Pride Cycle, I relate to it very, very well indeed. This is my ultimate weakness: I know what to do, but I struggle daily to do it.
The epiphany comes in here: Man is a natural enemy to God. Some sick joke, but it's true. It's scripture. We all struggle on a daily basis because, well, it's an uphill battle: literally. If you stop for just a moment to catch your breath or stare at a pebble or pick your nose or whatever, it's so much harder to start up again. When you're in the middle of that hill, you just gotta keep goin'. Endurance man, it's something amazing. (Do you remember Sisyphus, always pushing the boulder up the hill just to have it roll down to the bottom, to push it back up again? Yeah, this was meant as a COMEDY people. Sick Greeks.)
But I find great comfort in many things. These thoughts help me wake up every day, help me work on weaknesses that I've already conquered but that need conquering again. Here is one of these thoughts. It's that, though man is a natural enemy to God, God is not a natural enemy to man. He loves us. He recognizes our weaknesses and revels in our strengths and triumphs. And for all of these reasons, He gives us hope. Hope keeps me jogging up my hill.
Second, this wonderful little thing called Eternal Progression. Where would we be without it folks? Burning on the pitchfork, I think. I know that sometime in the pre-existance I made three very important decisions that changed my eternal life. One, I chose to follow our Savior. Two, I chose to come to this earth to receive a mortal body and live out my probation. Three, I have endured thus far. These bodies confound me. All the emotions, the physical limitations and temptations, the spiritual set backs, the mental retardation that I suffer daily. But this mortality also amazes me: the love, the family unit, the growth, the happiness. I know from personal experience that you cannot have the wonderful joy of happiness without the bitter pain of sadness. Eternal Progression. Heavenly Father probably warned us about these confounded bodies, about the limitations and struggles we would endure, but I know that He promised us that we wouldn't have to get it all right during this probation; but that we would have Eternity to get there. Eternity. I'm comfortable with that thought. It's like the endless test in Calculus, and you can use notes, and ask for help, and if you make a mistake, it's all good.
Third, I have a great comfort in knowing that our Savior suffered all the same things that I'm suffering. He was a mortal. Though He was perfect, He was still human, and at that time He too was a natural enemy to God. He suffered sadness, betrayal, anger, frustration, all of it. He tipped over the money-changers tables, He snapped at his disciples, He got frustrated with the Jew's for just not listening to the obviousness, He cried, He begged, He died. He was mortal. But He did it. He did it for me, personally. I'm not one of those people who say, "I'm not going to be a sinner because I don't want the Lord to suffer more." It's not like that to me. He suffered, it's over, and now He comforts the way his Father comforted him. He comforts and forgives and sets an example for us for any and every situation that presents itself and we say, "I just don't know what to do here." Well, let's get cliche. What would Jesus do? Seriously. I think this a lot, but I don't say it out loud. Not because I'm ashamed, but because truly it is a cliche that has been taken a bit far. I think of what He would do, and I try in my pathetic mess of a life to emulate that example. I try, and fail, and try again, and that's ok. Eternal Progression.
I think I get the picture. Now if only I could remember it next time I'm working on my visiting teaching, or my calling, or being a wife or a mother or a daughter or a friend or simply as a child of God. I hope because Heavenly Father gave me that most important of gifts. I hope because when all is said and done, I'm human, and without it, there's no reason to press forward.
Onward and Upward! (Dang hill!)
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