More Drivel From My Brain

Sometime ago I subconsciously decided to spend less time on the internet.

No, no, I'm not one of those propagators of the "Internet is Evil" chant.

It was merely a feeling that my back was facing my babies more than my front.  And the sink was starting to stink.

Focusing more on being a mom has taught me a few things.  Most prevalent is that being a mom is freaking hard work.  For me it's the cleaning.  I know for some moms it's the playing with the kids that's tough as nails.  For other's its the being-home-all-day.  And a hundred million other things, as well. Sometimes it's a bit of everything for me.

I've tried a lot of different things to help me get it together.  I'm a red personality, always looking for the better way to do something. Always looking to perfect my many, many weaknesses (and always falling short of that perfection.)  To change whatever isn't working into something that does work.

But, while some of those theories worked for me, I have found that it's more about attitude than lists.  Maybe there are some moms out there drowning with me.  It's for you that I share whatever tid bits I've learned.  Because I always appreciate when other moms share with me.

First, find your motivation.  I don't mean motivation like, "If this house doesn't get clean I'm going to go on a murdering rampage."

While that does motivate one to clean...it's probably not the healthiest way to go about it.  Not to mention, no one wants to be friends with a serial killer.

I mean what motivates you in general?  My first advice would be to find out what "color" you are, and then learn what motivates those colors.  If you don't have time for that, I'll just break it down for you.  Do you feel motivated by: organization, fun, peace or serving your family.  Or anything else that sparks motivation in you.

For me, I'm motivated by organization and serving my family.  My family feeds me with mad praise whenever I clean.  It sounds pathetic ("Wow mom!  You cleaned!)  But seriously, it makes me want to serve them more and more.  But more than that, I love having an organized home.  Disorganization makes me frazzled and grumpy.  My husband knows whenever I start shouting, he should just start cleaning, and I'll automatically calm down.

So...let's take a "for example" from daily life of motherhood.  Hmm...let's say, oh, laundry.  I'm probably the only one who occasionally dreads the breathing pile of laundry that procreates by the second.  But let's just assume you do, too.

I find that motivation.  I think about past experiences when my doing the laundry has pleased my family.  And then I think about how good it feels to have it done and put away.  Everyone has clothes.  Clean clothes.  And I can see my laundry room again!  Yay!

Focus on those motivations.  Every shirt you fold, every sock you search relentlessly for, focus on that motivation.

Next, leave presents for tomorrow you.  

Sometimes I really hate yesterday me.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and give her a hard slap and steal away her soda and t.v. remote.  But when yesterday me behaves, future me is mucho happy.  I seriously think, "Tomorrow me is gonna love all this scrubbing I'm doing in the bathroom!"

In that stream of thinking, give thanks to your past self.  Revel in your hard work.  Take your husband around and elicit "Ooohs" and "Ahhhs" from him.  Point out the piles of dishes that are put away.  Give your past self a fist bump.  Plan on showering your future self with more presents.

I think the best advice I've ever received was from my main man.  It was while we were snowboarding (well, he was snowboarding, I was imaging which of my limbs would don a cast tomorrow.)  He told me to act like I knew what I was doing.

Basically...fake it 'til you make it.  And I have to say, it really works.

I don't know about you, but I was not given a manual when I became a mom.  And since I was a normal teenager, and my mom a fairly normal mom, I pretty much took for granted every little bit she did for me and our home.  So, sans the manual and any past experience to draw from, I've pretty much just been faking it.

Oh, I read articles on motherhood (knowledge is a red personalities source of drive).  I watch other moms and think, "Nope, not gonna do that."  Or, "Wow, I really want to be a mom like her."  And then I try it out. I try to remember what it was like when I was little.  When my parents yelled at me.  How I felt.  I try to remember what it was like to be hugged as a little kid.  How fun it was to play with my dad.  I try to remember those things, and then I act on it.  I mean, I was the kid in those scenarios.  Not the parent.  So...I act like I know how to do it.  And pretty soon, it becomes who I am.

(P.S.  There are Gospel principles throughout all of this, but for the sake of the audience  I'm just keepin' it simple.  But I don't want to claim any credit for any revelation I've received that's made me better.  I have to give all credit to my loving Heavenly Father and his Gospel.)

Last but CERTAINLY not least, have realistic expectations. 

Seriously, we don't have to live in a Pottery Barn house.  I don't want my kids terrified that they'll get yelled at for leaving clothes on the floor.  My old Relief Society President said, "Cleanliness is next to loneliness."  And I can attest to that.

Suppress that murderous rage over wet towels not hung up and replace it with a good bed time story.  Go to the park in place of doing that extra load of laundry today.  Keep it simple, yo.  Even your future self will thank you for that day at the library as she's cleaning yesterdays breakfast dishes.  And if she doesn't, she's just uptight. Ignore her.

And remember to always try to find that joy in motherhood.  Well, Marjory Hinckley says it best:

“As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think of your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey.” ― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

The Big ONE-OH

Ten years ago today I married my best friend.

I love thinking about our courtship, and the 5 or 6 months leading up to this most perfect day.

The first night I met Brett, he asked me about my testimony.  That set the tone and resulting foundation for our relationship.  Ten years later, he still talks to me about my testimony, and shares his with me.  He's an amazing man, husband and father.

Those of you who had ten years in the pot, lost.

Pretty sure we're going to make it to Eternity.

So, ten years later we...

Have 4 kids.  I can't imagine my life without our kids.  Seriously, it's difficult to remember even not having Kian around.  I truly believe that families were in the pre-existence.  It feels as if we're that much more complete, now.  Like we've been waiting around for them, and now they're here.

We live in Arizona now!!  I love that we made the hard decision to move: it's made a huge difference.  We're more of a nuclear family than ever before, and that's important to me and Brett.

Ten years seems both like a long time, and not very much time at all.  Really, in the scheme of things, it's not that long.  But it's the longest commitment I've ever had!  My life really was in a waiting period until I got to marry him.  He's taught me so much.  There isn't a day that I'm not truly humbled and so grateful that he chose me to be his wife.  I know exactly how uniquely special I am that he picked me. 

Happy ten years to my favorite man.  I love you more than I can say!

Am I The Only One Who...

Have you ever heard of this thing called Pin-ter-est?

Ok, you have?  Have you ever heard of crack cocaine?

You get where I'm going with this?

So since we're all on the wagon, or off the wagon, or whichever indicates we're clearly addicted...Am I the only one who....

Doesn't pin something and just assumes that later I'll remember who pinned it.  And what it was.  And where it was pinned.

No?  Anyone?

What about...

You pin something and it takes longer than an nth of a second and you start to think, "Oh no.  Maybe it won't repin.  Maybe it will get rejected and I'll never be able to pin it and then I don't know what I'll do without a pin for how to clean microfiber couches?!!!!  Oh.  It pinned.  Approved!"

Or my favorite, that always makes me look inside myself, really get introspective...

I pin something.  Another friend pins the same thing...but from a different friend!  How dare they!  I pinned it first!  Me!  I pinned it!  Not HER!  She got it from ME!  And I got it from someone elses website...

Yeah, totally logical.

Oooh, oooh, what about getting annoyed when someone pins 7,986 quilt pictures.  And then you pin 7,645 crochet pictures.  Totally different when I do it.  Definitely ok, then.

Hmmm...what about when you're on a pinning high.

You know, you're really flying now.

Pinning left and right.

It's all good stuff today, man, all good stuff.

And then it hits you.  Like that time you took your newly paid off credit card to Target.  That's right, you've just pinned 145 pins!  Congratulations!  Everyone now knows you neglect your kids and have no life!!

Do you ever lie to your husband and tell him you just whipped up that recipe?

Do you ever hear yourself saying, "I have a pin for that."

Have you ever had a question and completely bypassed Google and went to your "Neat Tricks" board?

My name is Kelly and I have a Pinteresting problem.

Welcome.

Sweet C's Baptism

It has been an eventful month.  Full of the Spirit.  And as anyone who has ever dwelt with the Spirit for an extended amount of time knows...it's exhausting.  In a good way.  

Our wonderful neighbor was baptized on the 16th.  It was...unlike anything I have ever experienced.  My heart was bursting with joy.  It literally hurt.  You know...hurt so good (name that awful band).  

I asked Cohen how this all happened.  I wanted to share this with family and friends because it was just so sweet.

"Well," he said, thinking hard.  "One Sunday, Logan came over to play.  I told him I couldn't play because we were going to church, but I asked him to ask his mom and dad if he could come with us!"  And he did!

And there you have it.  Logan started coming to church with us and burrowing a special place in my heart just for him.  I have never felt so much love for someone elses child.  I know that sounds weird, but it's true.  He's like the 5 year old I never gave birth to.  He comes over to hang out during the day, even when the kids aren't home yet.  He's a stud muffin.

At last years Relief Society Conference, I asked C (my sweet neighbor, I won't share her name without asking her first) if she wanted to come and watch it with me.  Be my buddy.  Sit by me because I was friendless ;)  She was gracious enough to come.

I was worried and afraid to ask her, I'll admit it.  But I had a lot of support from my husband and my Heavenly Father, the latter who encouraged me with his Spirit.  

After conference, we talked out in the parking lot about what we had watched.  C cried through the whole thing.  She pointed at the church building and said, "That.  That in there is what it's all about."

Later she told me that she had been searching and searching for this feeling.  She said that she had most of the story, but what she learned during the missionary discussions and attending church "finished the story."  

She had a strong testimony before even knowing anything about the Gospel.  I'm so impressed with how far she's come.  She's an example to me in all things. I think about what she's had to give up, and the trials she's had to endure just to become a member, and it strengthens me.  And now that she is a member, she's stalwart in learning all she can.  She sucks it up like a sponge.  Her questions are meaningful, her comments are heart felt and filled with the spirit, and I know everyone in our ward is in love with her.

So amazing.  I could go on and on.  But I'm crying so I won't.  

When I think about moving to Arizona, I feel like it was for this purpose.  I know the Lord would have sent others into C's life, but I'm so grateful we listened to the Spirit and came to Arizona.  So grateful we could watch and be a part of her miraculous conversion.  

Thinking of this area, the Spirit whispers in my mind this scripture from Doctrine and Covenants Section 4:

"Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.

Therefore, oh ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day.

Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work:

For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that trusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul."

After talking with C, we discovered the hand of our Heavenly Father was working to bring us together long before we even moved here.  About the time my little family was praying about where we should move (and Cohen stood up and said with quite authority that the Spirit told him Árizona') C's husband had a dream that Heavenly Father told him to bring his children to Him.  

It's amazing, seeing events, like dominoes, falling into place with perfection.  It has strengthened my testimony like no other experience I've had yet.  

I know the Gospel is true.  Even if the people struggle, we are not perfect.  But the Gospel is perfect.  I'm grateful for this knowledge.  People, friends and family comment a lot, "You're so happy.  You have such happy kids.  You're marriage is so strong." And while these comments aren't always the truth, I know that what they see is the Spirit that's in us.  I know that's what makes me happy.  I know it's what makes my husband and children happy.  And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Carrots: An Introduction

"I'm trying something new today, mom?  Well, alright..."

"Ummm...what, pray tell, is this stuff?"

"Oh...no...this is awful."

 "Please don't make me eat more."

"Please?"

Sorry, son.  It's for your own good.  And the good of mommy's, um...mammories.

"You do know I can mess with your sleep.  Seriously mess.  It.  Up."

Threats will get you nowhere, son.

"Why do you hate me!!!???"

Carrots.  It may perhaps be his hair color, but 'tis not his choice of vegetable.

Where We Been At

Neffy is back?

What the WHAT?

Well, we've been busy.  And by busy I mean...4 kids is A LOT more than 3.  You would think that it would just be 1 more kid...but it's really like 10 more.  No amount of math can account for the laundry, dishes and pure chaos.  

But when we're not folding clothes and hosing down muddy kids, we're having fun.

For instance...

We went to Utah back in December (is it really FEBRUARY?  Crazy.)

And since we and our entire extended family were particularly naughty this year, we had to forgo Santa and go straight to the Grinch.

He was absolutely terrifying!  It was awesome.

Why yes, these people are my family.  

And because they're adorable, here are some pictures of my beautiful children:

While in Utah we got to visit our besties.

I'm confused about this picture.  I don't know what they're all staring at and it's driving me crazy trying to remember!  I'll log it away with other things I don't know...like where my car keys currently reside and why my cell phone refuses to stay charged.

This kid is seriously the best looking 3 year old.

And then we had just about the most awesome New Year's Eve EVER!

How can you not when you're partying with these "wild and cuh-razy" guys.

(P.S. Not a one of these pictures has been edited.  I love them in raw glory.  Ok...I'm lazy.)

My son is miserable because it's cold in Utah in the winter.  Which is why we moved to Arizona.  WHY ARE WE IN UTAH IN THE WINTER?  WHY DIDN'T THEY COME TO ARIZONA?  WHERE IT'S SUNNY AND WARM AND DELICIOUS?  These are questions to which we may never know the answers...

Yes, reader, I married him!  Yikes...creepy molester much?  Just kidding honey!  I love you.

I see my son is trying to emulate everything about his father.  Including his serial killer pose. 

We had some wicked Battleship games.  There were many deaths/few survivors.

Pretty sure this picture is self explanatory.  Kembry with a yellow nose.  Of course.

And I think Chloe is the perfect end to a long and boring post.  She just adds a splash of adorablness.  Which is a word.

Gratitude in the Midst of Sadness

I don't always like to blog about my spiritual experiences, or put them anywhere on the internet, because it's very hard to translate spiritual experiences into written word.

Especially to the public at large.

I also tend to not like to cast my pearls before the swine.  NOT THAT YOU'RE SWINE!  On the contrary, old friends, it is because I love you and trust you that I move forward with this post.

Today I'm sharing because...how do I put this...my testimony is burning in my chest so fiercely, and has been since yesterday.  The Spirit seems to be urging my thoughts to focus on an important lesson I'm supposed to learn.

I read a few articles yesterday about "feminism in the LDS church" and it disturbed me.  It hurt to hear that there were people being so hung up on the worldly things of the Church, and less concerned about the important things: Christ, sharing the gospel, and growing closer to our Heavenly Father.  

I'm not going to link to the articles because I don't want to propagate anything that was said.  There was nothing in them that was spirtually uplifting aside from ONE out of NINETY THREE comments.  The articles themselves were enough to make me cry.

Really, I cried.

(Brett reminded me that when the 3 Nephites asked to remain on Earth the remainder of it's days, that Jesus told them they would not suffer any pain, but for the sorrows of the world.  I understand that much more now than I ever did.)

And so I turned to the prophets voice.  I turned on conference and let the Spirit fill the void of hurt that was growing inside of me.

The Spirit reminded me of the Book of Mormon.  And that this blessed revelation was meant for our times.  

I could not have been reminded of that even more forcefully after today's devastating news.

During wars in the Book of Mormon we read about countless numbers of men being slaughtered.  Literally, they could  not count all the bodies.  We also read that even women and children were slaughtered.  Even children.

My heart aches and rejoices at the same time.  It's a weird, conflicting feeling, to be sure.  I'm so sad to know that our times are like those in the Book of Mormon.  That war is upon us.  Not just wars of nations, but wars on morality and goodness.  Wars against God and His people.  Even wars among His own people.

But I rejoice knowing that, like the times of the Book of Mormon, we have a living Prophet.  That we know the direction in which we need to head.  Lehi saw our times.  Saw all the wicked standing in a great and spacious building, laughing at those of us who stood firm in our testimonies and clung to the iron rod.  

I rejoice feeling the Spirit of comfort and knowledge.  Rejoice knowing that Heavenly Father hears our pleas, comforts us in our trials, and directs us when all the light in the world seems to have gone out.

I cannot imagine the sorrow of those who have lost their little children today.  Instead of planning for Christmas, they will be planning funerals.  

I am so grateful that the Lord has given me the gift of the Spirit.  Has comforted my aching heart.  I hope and pray He will do the same for all those families suffering.

NanoWriMo

I can't believe I haven't blogged for OVER a month.

I am ashamed.

And it's only going to get worse.

I have about 4 million pictures I need to upload to the blog.  We've been having way too much fun over here.  Turns out when it's not a billion degrees outside, there's lots of way fun things to do.

Like hiking.

Visiting a Ghost Town...ooooooooh.

Having friends come to stay with us.

Swimming, swimming, swimming.

Playing with babies.

Getting a new (to me) hutch!  I've wanted one FOREVER!

And going to Utah (that doesn't make any sense at all!)

Regardless, we've been doing a lot of fun things.  And I can't wait to blog about every single one of them and make you all snore yourselves into a nice, sticky drool puddle.

But November is National Novel Writing Month.  And THIS is the year I'm going to participate.  I keep putting it off, saying things like, "I can't write a novel with kids crawling all over me!"  And I'm probably right.  Well, *snort* I usually am right, but anyway.  I've discovered I can mostly type while I'm nursing.  And I just need to find the time.

And neglect my children a little more.  What?!  It teaches them independence.  I should get an award for being such a forward thinking mom.

So if anyone wants to join me, because even crappy writers need support groups, email me!  I'm totally stoked to get to know other writers.  I'm starting my writing career by saying "totally".  Oi.  This does not bode well.

See you all in December!!!

Life As Everyone Wants Us To Know It

FB:
"Oh my gosh!  These carrot sticks are divine!  I love eating healthy!"

Reality:
They just downed 50 Cheeto Puffs.

Rationalization: 
Cheeto Puffs look like carrot sticks.  And they are divine.


FB:
I'm so excited to run my 50 millionth marathon!

Reality:
They take a picture at the finish line with sweat they earned...walking to the finish line from their car.

Rationalization:
I'm not actually going to run a freaking marathon!  You kidding me?  But everyone else is.  So I should, too.  Even if it is just in my mind.

FB:
I love being a mom.  It's the greatest thing in the world.

Reality:
Probably just got pooped on.  And slapped by a two year old.  And probably have sixty loads of laundry sitting in the middle of their living room floor.  And probably, they haven't showered in 5 days.  And probably, that smell is them.

Rationalization:
Reality sucks.

FB:
"I feel fabulous after pushing out my 15 pound baby!  I could run home from the hospital if they let me!  I even brought my size 2 jogging pants just in case!  They totally fit me!"

Reality:
Probably wearing a size two DIAPER to catch all the blood leaking out of their hoo hoo.  The only running going on is down their leg.  You know what fits them?  That mumu they've already leaked a gallon of milk all over.

Rationalization:
Reality sucks.


Kelly's Corner (This is where I go to spout out my opinion.  I.e., this entire blog is my corner.)

It's really wonderful that people live these perfect lives.  But I don't.  Not even close.  Most of the time I am deliriously happy.  I have awesome friends, a great guy, cute kids, and a McDonalds right up the street from me.

We have little debt, a nice home.  Strong testimonies.  Food in the pantry.

We have a good life.  But that doesn't mean that sometimes it doesn't suck.  Sometimes our life is horribly difficult.

Sometimes my perfect husband is one insensitive comment away from getting a hatchet in his head.

Sometimes my cute kids are covered in marker from head to toe.  And stink to high heaven.  And scream at me.  Sometimes they even say they hate our house.  They call me a mean mom.  Often, they don't eat all their vegetables.

Sometimes I cry for hours.  Go to bed at 6.  Let the kids stay up way past their bedtime so that Brett has to put them to sleep when he gets home from Young Mens, and I can just go to bed.

We get take out two times a week.  Most of the time.

I eat out for lunch way  more than I should.

My running consists of diving for the last bag of Cheeto Puffs before the two stoners reaching out for it nabs it.  Seriously, I did this.

I wear pajamas to WalMart.

I only get to wash my hair about once a week, sometimes twice.  I do, at least, try to minimize my stench if I'm going out in public.

What I'm saying is, I truly believe most of what we read on blogs and Facebook is what people want us to believe their lives are like.  There's nothing wrong with this.  Selective truth is still truth. Like I said, I have a great husband.  Take from that what you will.

Don't be bummed by what others say.  Maybe their life is perfect.  Probably it's not.

I think President Uchtdorf's now famous talk says it best:

"Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It's wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses."

I have my strengths, friends.  So do you.  I'm terribly jealous of so many of my friends' strengths.  But I know that like me, they have their weaknesses.  I hope we all realize that life is beautiful, and ugly, and fun, and difficult, and totally worth it.  No matter who you are.  And your life is your life.  Don't compare it to others.  Because what you're comparing it to actually doesn't exist.

Reality is...a bag of Cheeto's, sweaty pits, bloody show.  It's also lazy mornings, singing together, laughing hysterically, games, car rides, vacations, and a million other absolutely wonderful moments.

C'est La Vie!  Live it!  Love it!  And maybe, just maybe, you'll get to sleep in...one day...

Reality Check

Apparently, having four kids is haaaaard.

At least for me.

I really don't know why this should be.  I mean, when I had Chloe (#3), things went as smooth as if I had taken a bottle of Xlax.  Exlax?  Whatever.  You know the joke.

The transition was so good.  Cohen and Kembry accepted her like a sister.  Ha.

Is it because this time around I have a two year old?

Is it because she screams over every, teeny, tiny little thing?

Am I simply less capable than most people?

Is it me?

The problem here is that I made this goal to be more patient with the kids.  Yeah, I think that's the problem.  Who makes a goal to be more patient with their kids when they're only getting, on average, 4 hours of sleep at night.  Interrupted sleep, no less.

Not smart, Kelly.  Not smart.

So now, I'm being more patient with the kids.  But all that annoyance builds up, and all of the sudden I'm taking it out on my husband.

He's the same man as always, I think.  But now I want to slug him in the face when he tells me he's tired.

You're tired!?  I want to wail.  You're tired?!  

One night I actually whacked him in the face in the middle of his dead sleep.

With a pillow, calm down.

On the plus side, I absolutely love my family.  I feel it when I pray to ask for forgiveness for my murderous thoughts.  I feel it when they hug me despite being so unhuggable.  I feel it in the middle of the night, when I'm nursing sweet Kian, and he grabs my hand and stares up at me.  I even feel it when Chloe gives me loves after a 45 minute tantrum.

I feel the love.  And it keeps me going.  Even if it doesn't help me bathe more often.  Or do the dishes.  Or take care of that weird smell in the house I can't identify.  Or change diapers.  Love is still pretty magical.