Monday, March 31, 2008

Oh Cheyenne

I love it! "I tag Tanya's friend Kelly." I'm Tanya's friend, haha Tanya. You can't do a thing about it now, it's in writing!!

Alright, well, I've been thinking, and the last time I did one of these Tanya said, "Say something we don't know." So, you wanted it, you got it!!

1.You probably know by know, but I narrate my life. It's the best way to get through the day. (I start it out by saying "you probably know" after promising to reveal new information...oy, what am I going to do with myself?)

2. I'm afraid of heights, so much so that when I went to Six Flags for my senior trip, I opened my eyes at the top of a rollar costar and passed out momentarily. HOWEVER, a little side note, I have been trying greatly to overcome this pathetic little plight. On my honeymoon, I went on "The Goliath", and survived. I did not, however, go to the Empire State Building with Brett and his Aunt. One step at a time.

3. I have an obsession with the Twilight series. You knew that already, but this is very weird for me. I don't obsess like this over a book series, I just don't. I feel so exposed...weird.

4. I have an at length plan to end involuntary homelessness. I've thought for years on this, ever since 6th grade when we had a project to pick one way we could help the world. I, obviously, chose homelessness.

5. I hate crying in front of people. If I am about to cry in front of Brett, I run and take a shower. If we're stuck in the car, and he's looking at me, and we're listening to a wonderful church talk, and I'm feeling it come on, I turn off the talk and put on some Jerry Seinfeld. Seriously, it's pathetic. And, if you've ever been in a ward with me, you know that whenever I give a talk, bare my testimony, or give a lesson, I cry. That is why I do those things rarely. Although, I'm getting better at not crying during lessons. A little bit.

6. I have an overactive imagination (see post below on my curiosity). I blame said curiosity. So many things I may never be able to do because one, I'm not a brazillionaire yet, and two, I'm afraid of heights. So, I imagine sky diving. I imagine meeting Brad Pitt. I imagine standing up to people and giving them a tiny peice of my mind...too far? Yes, I think so. Sometimes, my overactive imagination gets away from me and I inflict myself upon my children. This is fun, though, because I get to tell really stupid stories and they love it. They're a wonderful outlet for their eratic mother. Brett, on the other hand, gives some interesting looks when I begin any sentence with, "Wouldn't it be weird if..." Needless to say, I have a plethora of novel ideas.

7. This will be the last. I don't know if I've already mentioned this, but I seriously would love to live in another country with my family for an extended period of time. Maybe El Salvador...neh. But definatley France, so much beautiful Art there, I'm positive Cohen would flourish!!!

So, now I! Yes, and Alysea. Welcome new bloggers.


Kelly, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

You are full of questions about life, people, and your own potential. You spend more time than others imagining the possibilities for your life — and you're open to things others are too afraid to consider.
You have an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself and the world. You also have a rebellious streak that shows up when you feel unable to truly influence the world or circumstances around you. Your appetite for novel experiences also shows an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

New Moon

I enjoyed the second book. I was told by almost everyone I know who has read it that I wouldn't, but I think now it has something to do with the third...SO DON'T SPILL THE BEANS! Unless, of course, you want to. In that case, please, please, please spill the beans. I have to wait until THIS AFTERNOON to buy the third book. Stupid Costco, how could they sale the first two and not the third? It's a ploy I tell ya, a ploy.
Anywho, hopefully I'll have my website fixed by this afternoon, pictures and everything up so you can all see my cute kids and way handsome husband...sigh, so handsome.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Confessions of a Housewife: Deliberately Neglecting My Children

So yesterday I partook in an indulgence that I haven't let myself do in several months. Possibly up in the year catagory. I completely neglected my children yesterday. They had a free run of the house. FREE RUN. Well, first I fed them. Then I made them take a nap (for purely selfish reasons, I promise) and when they woke up, I did change diapers and comb hair. But after that, NOTHING. Off my radar. I curled up on the couch, grabbed my favorite blanket, sneered at the toys all over the floor, scoffed at the laundry that desperately needed washing (at this point, the clothes were begging me)drew the blinds, turned on my "reading lamp" and pretended to sip coffee as I read a new favorite book.
Ahhh. WHAT-WAS-I-THINKING?! I knew this would happen. As I walked out of the house this morning, I realized just what I had done. And if I was brave enough, I would post a picture of the mass destruction left over by my children, and then eventually my husband.
Hadn't I hid all the markers and crayons? Yes, I swear I did. Yet there, on the ottoman, and over there, on the carpet, GRAY MARKER. Hadn't I closed the bathroom door, snugly and securely protecting all toilet paper, soaps, and towells? Yes, I swear I did. And yet, the toilet was clogged, half the hand soap was gone, the floor was soaking wet, and my toothbrush (gasp, my toothbrush) had yucky old toothpaste on it. Bless his heart, I know it was Cohen. Hadn't I cleaned up lunch, and put the rest of the french fries and chicken nuggets in the garbage (I even neglected making lunch, I love Wendy's, she's my life saver). Yes, I swear I did. But all over the kitchen floor, and undoubetly in my childrens bellys, french fries, chicken nuggets, empty boxes, strewn about carelessly all over my kitchen floor.
I've learned my lesson. Never shall I let this happen again. This weekend, after I've purchased two more books to fly through, I promise, I will drop them off at their grandmothers, and tie Brett to a post, before I wrap up in my blankey, turn on my reading lap, and pretend I'm somewhere in Washington wrapped up in a vampires strong arms. Now that sounds better!

Due to vampiral difficulties...

Sorry I haven't updated my page. Blah, something about being obsessed finishing Twilight, which I did, yesterday, day two. Now, let's talk, shall we? First of all, I really enjoyed it. Secondly, what does Edward see in this Bella girl? I just don't find her that interesting. Thirdly, is anyone but me in love with Edward for some strange reason? Vampires aren't really my thing, but he sounds pretty studly.
Now I've got to make my way to Costco to purchase the series, thanks for the expensive addiction. I just think this is a book I'll maybe want to read again. It's nice not to have to have the dictionary/french dictionary next to me while I read. Frankly, I really needed a little mind candy. Thanks for the reference everyone!!
Please, if you have comments, I have yet to tire speaking about this book. Feel free to ramble.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


GRUFF, construction. I'm adding a third column, and, well, for some reason it's not working out. So give me a break, and check back in a couple of days. Hopefully, by then, my blog will be readable.

Oh, and Tanya. Just in case you didn't get the link before, here's the Gardening101 I was telling you about: Gardening101

Kelly meet Twilight

As I conclude Les Miserables (yes, I made it through. We'll discuss this at a later date, however.)

Now to begin the downward spiral into Vampire-ville. Now I will have something to talk about with my friends, all two of them, Jen and Tanya. SO DON'T SPILL THE BEANS FOR ME. I have to admit, I'm excited to take a temporary breach from the classics, and indulge in some mind candy. Mmm, mind candy. Tasty.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Confessions of a Housewife

So, to follow up on a previous post about narrating my life: this much is true, my life is pretty basic. However, to spruce it up, to add a little flare, I like to narrate my motherly-doings to the pretend audience in my head that is always watching the going-on's of my humble, boring day.
And so, as I cut my potatoes with my new mandolin , the voices in my head narrate as follows:

"See how she gently glides the potatoe over the blade of the mandolin."
"Yes, Bob, and remember viewers, the blade should be sharp enough to keep the glides smooth and precise."
"That's right Janet. The sharper the better." Celebrity laughing.
"Also notice the brand of potatoe. Wal-mart special 1.09lb bag. My that's a bargain."
"I bet her husband is excited about all the money he saved on those potatoes."
"And, Janet, always remember to use the handle when cutting anything on the mandolin."
"Of course Bob. How could we forget Conference breakfast of '06?"
"That's right Janet. Kelly lost the tip of her finger by neglecting to follow the basic rules, and use the handle at all times."

They go on and on like that. Sometimes they can be very judgmental.

Yesterday, I narrated my shopping experience at Ikea, my third trip there since Saturday.
Tip: Throw in arm gestures as your displaying to your husband the furniture set your dying to have. The model-esque wave of the hand will invite him to join you in your fantasy living room dreams.
This was a little different type of narration, third person, my favorite.
"Kelly sat on the couch and thought to herself, 'Yes, this is the one.' For indeed, the firmness of the microfiber sofa supported her tired body, and as she kicked up her feet and gently placed them on the displayed ottomon, she felt at home."
We didn't get the couch, or the ottoman, because we already have both, and don't need a new one. But it sure was fun to fantasize...Sorry, what were we talking about, I drifted off...

Monday, March 24, 2008

My Easter Highlights

Easter weekend was just as eventful as Christmas, as we travel all around the valley parading our children to their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. Here are some highlights from this years festitivities:

1. Cohen and Kembry dying easter eggs. They had so much fun, and Kembry's turned out pretty flippin cool. The girl has no patience though. She would only let them sit for like 5 seconds before dipping them in another color. Cohen has his daddy's mentality, and spent 15 minutes on each egg, carefully painting each egg with as much paint as he could put on his little paint brush.

2. Going through the WHOLE Saturday without dumping any ink on the floor, only to have Kembry spill some five minutes before we walked out the door.

3. Ikea. I got to go to Ikea on Saturday with NO KIDS! It was WONDERFUL.

4. Walking into a room full of "family" on Sunday, and not having a single person notice my hair for almost 20 minutes. Brett and I couldn't help looking at each other and giggling, and then my dad kept saying "What's so funny?" I get my paranoia from him.

5. When my dad FINALLY noticed the missing 10 inches, he could only comment "You dyed your hair darker." When in fact, no, dad, I didn't dye it darker. In fact, it's a lighter color. But there is 10 inches missing. I have a neck. Nothing? Well, he's a man.

6. Cohen being better at finding Easter Eggs than his mom.

7. Kembry realizing there was CANDY in the Easter eggs, relinquishing her search, sitting in the middle of the grass and systematically opening all of her eggs and dumping the candy on the grass, which she then attempted to eat while Alphie, the weener dog, accompanied her.

8. Brett stealing the kids candy.

9. Hearing Susan laugh. She was so much like her old self on Sunday, it was as if she wasn't sick at all. It was AWESOME!

All in all it was an awesome weekend. Brandon slept over Saturday night and helped Brett in his new project of hanging up our new TV and moving the old one downstairs. I got to sleep in (thanks Hun!) and miss church, which was sad, because due to blessings and homecomings we haven't been to our own church in a month.
I think this is my last blog for the day, as I'm about to leave and enjoy a 60 degree day at the park with my two best buddies.
My favorite website is down. Work is slow. It's morning, I'm hungry, and am desperately trying to lose weight. So you get to feel my wrath. You, my lone reader.

I was thinking this morning of our friend Joey. And my thoughts inevitably led me to the infamous "Ring" encounter, over 5 years ago, located at the Jordan Landing movie theater. After viewing one of the most horrifying movies EVER, the 7 or so girls decided to maraud down the empty hallways that 1 in the morning produced in the theater to the restroom. Me, being madly in love, decided to stay next to my stud and giggle some more, and let him hold me and protect me from any evil beings who may escape from movie screens. And besides, I only had "7 days" left with him anyway.

Well, the ladies miandered a little too long in the bathroom, allowing Joey plenty of time to think of, plan, and fulfill his evil doings. With that, he stuck his head in the silent, large, fully tiled bathroom and let out the most horrific yell I have ever heard in my LIFE. This was followed by a moment of dead silence, which was followed immidiately by reactive horrifying screams, which was followed by (my favorite) Melanie coming out of the bathroom with the look of pure hatred in her eyes, ready to behed Joey. Luckily for Joey, Melanie, along with all the other wounded females in the restroom, also had a playful side. And aside from grimmacing looks the rest of the evening, Joey was forgiven, and life went on.

Narrating my life

I mistakenly informed my husband yesterday that I ocassionally narrate my motherly doings. I tell him this as he and I are straightening up our childrens room before bedtime as they are innocently bathing in the room next to us. Yes, we leave them alone in the bath tub on occassion. A good indication that something could be going wrong would be silence, which never happens in the bath tub. Anyway, this is how the rest of what could be considered a "conversation" took place:

KellY: Brett, close the window.
Brett: She kept handing out orders, without so much as a please or a thank you.

Confused...I looked up, but he had closed the window so I went on my mary way.

Kelly: Brett, will you put the laundry basket in the bedroom?
Brett: She didn't know, but I really didn't want to do that. Again, no please.
Kelly: What are you doing?
Brett: She was questioning me now, and that was never a good thing.
Kelly: Brett, you sound stupid.
Brett: Now she was making fun of my Frank Savagesque voice
Note: Yes, he said Frank Savage.

Kelly: You aren't Fred Savage.
Brett: But all I kept thinking was how I had said Frank.
Kelly: Oy, I'm getting the kids out of the tub. You can move on.
Brett: I finished folding the blankets and headed to the kitchen to clean off the counter.

I love my husband.
The End

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Some Help?

Does anyone have any suggestions for something fun for Aunt Susan to do? She only has one eye, and so watching television and reading (her favorite activity) have become nearly impossible. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas for fun activities Susan can do? She is tired and gets dizzy when she stands up, but she's also very bored and has a difficult time sleeping. Thanks for your help!
He did good again this week, but I think he needs to start "mixing it up"! Hahaha. Take a watch...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I love blog stalking!

I'm still we go. April has a link to a blog called "Pioneer Woman", and I've just finished reading some of her posts. She's hillarious. I haven't been able to read them in any sort of coherent order, but it doesn't matter. If you think your family has characters...

Monday, March 17, 2008

Easter Outfits...SO FLIPPIN CUTE! be the step-sister of the manager of Gymboree. Life is sweet. This is the dress Kembry got for Easter, AND THEN SOME. We musn't forget the matching shoes! Spoiled. I hope I have more girls just so I can dress them up in these clothes. Kembry's dress is silk. SILK! Don't worry folks, she did not pay full price! Cohen's way cute outfit is off to the right. He loves it, he walks around like he's hot stuff, just like daddy.

You know how sometimes when...

So Brett's aunt Susan makes us all laugh. A few Sunday's ago, during dinner, she asked Marilyn if Brett and I would be there. It being a "daddy" Sunday, we were with my Pa, so she said, "No, why?" Susan replied, "I wanted her to pluck my eyebrows."
Well, when she relayed the story, she asked, "Did you talk to her about her eyebrows or something?" Quizically, I replied, "I don't think so. Why me?"
Turns out, she likes the way I pluck my eyebrows. I can't believe how something so...?little? could feel like such a compliment.
So you know how sometimes when someone compliments you and you don't know why but it feels like the greatest and biggest compliment ever? That was this. For some reason. So, I was thinking, I have held back a lot of "little" compliments because I thought they were just that: little.

So, I'm going to be handing them out more.

Tanya: Quit quacking about your house not being clean. I am ALWAYS comfortable in your home. I love the toys everywhere, because my kids have stuff to play with. I don't have to constantly ask you if Cohen can destroy this or can Kembry druel on that. Your home is so comfortable to me, DON'T CHANGE A THING. Unless, of course, you want to.

Melanie: I love your blog. You never have boring stuff to blog about. I hope you don't get in another blog rut, because I love reading your blog.

Brett: You're hot.

Marilyn: You're doing so good with everything. We don't say it enough, but you are a great grandma and a great mother-in-law and a great mom (speaking for Brett). Keep up the great work.

Well, I have to go home and take care of Brett, he's sick =*(. Chat to you all soon!

OH OH OH OH PS: Funny/interesting little site called PostSecret. I've got it on my links, visit it. It's funny/interesting, as I have previously stated. I'm done.

Friday, March 14, 2008

A Revelation!

I have decided why I am struggling so much with Les Mis. It is not that Hugo writes in an inflated, long-winded manner. It is because I have a hard time dealing with rollar coster plots. For example, "Meet the Parents". Now, I've received this issue genetically. My mom and dad both suffer from this. In "Meet the Parents", the poor fiance suffers through the whole movie, with no near sign of relief or vengence. And the worst part is there is no hero for the poor guy. No one to stand up for him. His fiance is oblivious to the situation. Same problem in Les Mis. A noble fellow, he is up and then down and then up and then down again. But the worst part in all of this is that it is entirely his own stupid fault. And, unfortunately, I know the ending, which gives me no reprieve. I hate to say it, but, I fear the worst. I think for the time being I'm going to be moving on. I might even need a pity read in between new reads. But who to pick? Who will bring me the comfort of a gradually happy built plot with a heart-warming ending? I think for those of you who know me, you know exactly what I will pick.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Last Post for the Day: THANK YOU TANYA

Just wanted to give a SHOUT OUT to my homegirl TANYA. Oh man, I can't even pretend to talk like that. Anyway, thanks to Tanya for being such a great friend. Brett and I really appreciate your kindness in this, our time of need. Dinner was delicious, and now my family expects more out of me. Grrr. But it was wonderful. And thank you for organizing dinner for us for last night as well. It's been great to be able to get rest and not have to worry about Brett burning down the kitchen, or accidentally cooking the kids. Thanks again. You're a wonderful friend, and I really appreciate all you do for our family!

Susan's Surgery

What a transition, from Housekeeping Monthly to Susan's surgery. Everything went well, according to Brett's mom Marilyn. In fact, they're thinking of letting her come home today.

Thanks to everyone who had her in their thoughts and prayers. And thanks for your comments!

Confessions of a Housewife Part III: 1955/2008

'55* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
'08* If I greet him with a warm smile, he knows something is up!

'55*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is no the time. Let him talk first-remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
'08*Right. I'll wait until after the gin and tonic to let him know that I attempted to start a warm fire for him, and ended up burning down the garage.

'55*Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
'08*First off, he won't even need to worry about me complaining, because if he decides to stay out late, I'm not speaking to him anyway. Secondly, if he needs to be home and relax, then he should COME HOME and RELAX.

'55*Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
'08* His goal: stink up the bathroom, hallway and bedroom in under 5 minutes. Destroy a perfectly clean kitchen. Trapse mud on the newly cleaned carpets.

Stay Tuned...

Friday, March 07, 2008

Information on Susan

Well, it's come to a time where there are several people asking about it, so I thought I would just post a quick little blog about our Aunt Susan. About 3 1/2 weeks ago, Susan's Optometrist found a tumor near her right sinus above her eye. A few weeks later, she found out it was cancerous. A week later, she found out it was melanoma. As of date, she will be having surgery Tuesday, March 11th to remove some of the mass. After that, they will be doing chemotherapy. Brett's family have decided that we will each be taking a night of the week to spend with Susan, so she won't be alone, and so that she won't be bombarded with visitors. We're going to try to keep things as smooth and calm as possible.
Cora and Heath, who live in Michigan and can't be here with Susan, are making her a wonderful surprise, which I won't disclose just yet, because it IS a surprise.
We love Susan so much and this has come as such a shock to all of the family. The Neff's are a very close family. The three sisters, Sherri, Susan and Marilyn have all done an amazing job at keeping the family tight. We have Sunday dinners together every Sunday. I have never known a family to be as close as ours. Susan is like a grandma to Cohen and Kembry, and to Logan and Hunter. They even call her "Grandma WuWu". She has always been so willing to tend the kids, which is awesome, because they love being with her.
If you have a moment, please say a prayer for Aunt Susan.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Confessions of a Housewife Part II: 1955/2008

I sent this funny thing to my hubby at work, just for a laugh. Well, he didn't mention anything all day, on the phone or through e-mail, so I just assumed he got a good laugh out of it and went on his merry way happily accepting that I am a wife of 2008. HOWEVER, I did a deep clean yesterday, bought his favorite dinner (salmon with onion baby red potatoes and green beans for me and the kids and an artichoke heart because he loves those) so when the little smart allick walks through the door and sees the house clean and smells the artichoke heart steaming, he says, "Oh, you know your place as a woman. Now quiet down kids, daddy has had a much more stressful day than mommy and needs to rest." The little butt. He didn't let it go ALL NIGHT LONG! But, that's why I love him. So, here we go with Confessions of a Housewife Part II: 1955/2008:

'55*Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
'08*The books, toys, paper etc are on the table to cover up the dust.

'55*Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
'08* Where do I begin? First of all, if I even attempted to light a fire, we wouldn't have a house anymore. Secondly, what would provide me with immense personal satisfaction would be sinking down into a hot bubble bath with a good book while he manages the rugrats.

'55*Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are (please hold all laughter until the end) little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
'08*Prepare the children. Mommy's about to shut down and daddy's about to take over. I couldn't get my kids to act like little treasures on command, EVER. They are occassionally, but really, it's on their time, definitley not mine! Third, what's a vacuum?

Stay tuned...

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Confessions of a Housewife from 1955/2012: A Revival

The good wife's guide
'55*Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
'12*Dinner is left over macaroni and cheese from lunch, which has probably been thrown on the floor by the kids by now. If you want something more, you'll have to cook it yourself, I'm going to the gym.

'55*Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
'12*I've just been with two sticky, screaming, hyper children all day. 15 minutes to rest would be like an oasis in the middle of the salt flats. Not to mention the only bows around here go in the baby's hair, and she's probably thrown them in the toilet by now.

'55*Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
'12*Give me a bottle of congac and we'll talk.

'55*Clear away clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
'12*He's lucky to make it through the door at the end of the day. If the kids are on bored, then maybe there wont be a giant train track built right in front of the front door when he comes home.

Stay tuned...

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


YAY! Five years! For those of you who had five years as the bet, you lost. Unless they legalize marriage to guitars, or unless he finds out about Roberto the Puerto Rican wonder, I don't think divorce is imminent.

So far in Five Years:
1 new house (built in the 70's, but new to us)
1 little boy
3 cats
1 little girl
1 new guitar
1 new piano
And my favorite of material possessions,of course,despite all of the making fun of:
1 new mini van!

I play a fun little game in my mind (well, several actually, but we'll save that for later.) I like to think to myself, "Where will I be in x-amount of years? What will I be doing? Who will be new in my life?" I love thinking that two and a half years ago we were waiting for our little boy to be born. 2 years ago we were taken back by a positive pregnancy test (thanks Joey for jinxing us!) We really weren't expecting Kembry, but what a wonderful surprise. Best ever. Things were calm and quiet, and now they're crazy, all the time. It's awesome. I couldn't be anywhere happier than where I am now. I love Brett, and, I'm pretty sure he loves me. At least he says he does, who knows?! Haha. Five years ago today we took the plunge, and the water wasn't too bad, so we decided to stay. It's awesome.

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