Friday, March 28, 2008

Confessions of a Housewife: Deliberately Neglecting My Children

So yesterday I partook in an indulgence that I haven't let myself do in several months. Possibly up in the year catagory. I completely neglected my children yesterday. They had a free run of the house. FREE RUN. Well, first I fed them. Then I made them take a nap (for purely selfish reasons, I promise) and when they woke up, I did change diapers and comb hair. But after that, NOTHING. Off my radar. I curled up on the couch, grabbed my favorite blanket, sneered at the toys all over the floor, scoffed at the laundry that desperately needed washing (at this point, the clothes were begging me)drew the blinds, turned on my "reading lamp" and pretended to sip coffee as I read a new favorite book.
Ahhh. WHAT-WAS-I-THINKING?! I knew this would happen. As I walked out of the house this morning, I realized just what I had done. And if I was brave enough, I would post a picture of the mass destruction left over by my children, and then eventually my husband.
Hadn't I hid all the markers and crayons? Yes, I swear I did. Yet there, on the ottoman, and over there, on the carpet, GRAY MARKER. Hadn't I closed the bathroom door, snugly and securely protecting all toilet paper, soaps, and towells? Yes, I swear I did. And yet, the toilet was clogged, half the hand soap was gone, the floor was soaking wet, and my toothbrush (gasp, my toothbrush) had yucky old toothpaste on it. Bless his heart, I know it was Cohen. Hadn't I cleaned up lunch, and put the rest of the french fries and chicken nuggets in the garbage (I even neglected making lunch, I love Wendy's, she's my life saver). Yes, I swear I did. But all over the kitchen floor, and undoubetly in my childrens bellys, french fries, chicken nuggets, empty boxes, strewn about carelessly all over my kitchen floor.
I've learned my lesson. Never shall I let this happen again. This weekend, after I've purchased two more books to fly through, I promise, I will drop them off at their grandmothers, and tie Brett to a post, before I wrap up in my blankey, turn on my reading lap, and pretend I'm somewhere in Washington wrapped up in a vampires strong arms. Now that sounds better!

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