Monday, August 31, 2009
Today I had my real test to avoid stuff. It was hard, my friend, it was hard.
Yesterday was a freebie. Sunday. I totally made it through.
Today, I decided to test myself. Why? I know not. Never the less.
I think it's important to test yourself in a controlled environment.
My controlled environment of choice: IKEA.
Judge me not yet, reader. You will be proud to know, I BEHAVED. Can I get a WOOT WOOT!
There was a moment, I felt my resolve weaken, and for what you may ask? What could bring down the incredible stuff avoiding machine?
You heard me.
But then I reminded myself that I have 14,637 dish rags at home. And even though the ones I own are old and ugly, most of them hand-me-downs from the now deceased, I reminded myself that more dish rags is more stuff, and more stuff means more laundry, and less money to eventually send me to Paris.
Proud of me? It's only day three. We'll see how tomorrow goes; and it's only 12-something. Don't put all your stuff in one basket, or I might accidentally steal it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I've never been one to shout out about "organic foods" and "Wal Mart is the devil!"
You would never see this bumper sticker on my mini-van:
In fact, on occasion, I would enjoy buying things from Wal Mart for those people, and then not telling them where it was from...What can I say? Natural man is an enemy to God.
But I think I'm finally starting to come around. I'm finally starting to understand the importance of "taking a stand."
I've always thought that one person couldn't make a difference. That's because I AM LAZY. I don't want to have to make a difference.
Now that I have munchkins of my own, I'm starting to realize that my choices really do effect them, directly. Their future, especially. My grandchildren's future. My posterity.
If anything, I want them to know that I did not sit by and watch as their world was destroyed. Worse yet, that I participated.
So, I too am going on
Those of you who know me know what a tough strike this will be for me. Tanya, am I right? Target anyone?
And to make it a bit more interesting, and to help me stay focused, I'm putting a bit of a time-limit on it. After all, a habit is formed...well, eventually.
For one month I'm not going to buy stuff. My wallet is cinched (somewhere in the world, Brett just smiled and felt a moment of relief). Feed the kids at home. Encourage them to play with toys we already have. No popcorn, gulp, at the movies. Like I said, this is going to be hard for me. No new clothes. No new shoes. Wear it 'til you bare it. Well, no one wants to see that...
I'll keep you posted on how it goes. You may be getting phone calls from a sobbing shopaholic going through withdrawals. Please don't turn her away.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I do not believe in soul mates, but I do believe in love at first sight. Because, I experienced it when I saw Brett. (Just ask my college roommate. I couldn't stop giggling. Entirely out of my personality. And of course, if it wasn't for Devin calling Brett on my phone the next day, I may have been too nervous to ever talk to him again. WAY out of character!)
Now scientist are getting closer to proving it. HA! In yo face husband. I'm right. Oh yeah. I loved you the second I saw you. Sucka! Wait...
Anyway, read this fun little ditty of an article.
Monday, August 24, 2009
For example, after eating a cupcake (before dinner) my daughter said, "Mommy, my belly hurts."
I said the typical, generic, "responsible mother" response.
"It's because you ate a cupcake before dinner," (which is true in my case, but I don't have a gallbladder, so I don't count.)
But this didn't help. She only scowled. So I tried this approach:
"Are you hungry?"
She swiped at me and glowered (I love two year olds).
Then I knew. I knew because I've made a little note in my "Kembry Handbook". I knew like you know a good melon.
So I took her in my arms and hugged her and said, "I'm sorry honey."
"I love you mommy."
With Cohen, it would've gone like this:
"My tummy hurts."
I love boys.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
There are times a stench unlike any you've ever encountered is wafting towards us from her tiny bum. Brett and I have full on battles debating who will have to change it. Offers like "I'll wash the dishes for the next forty years," and "You can go to Paris if you'll do it," often are tossed about.
When finally I break down (Paris people, come on), I plan for the worst. I get out fifty wipes in preparation. I have the fire hose going off in the front yard just in case. I plan on finding Brittney from the third grade, hunting her down and going to her house, to Albania, if I have to, and leave this giant stench bomb in her garbage. That's pay back. That's karma. To sum up, this girls' stench is epic.
I'm planning all of this, and with a twinge in my gut I unwrap the poor diaper that's had to endure my daughters stench, only to find...is that it? A pebble? A PEBBLE! How, how on earth could this tiny pebble of waste amount to such horror? Oh the horror.
Brett and I have dubbed these little anomalies "Nuclear Diapers". Because even the smallest of atoms, in the right (or wrong) conditions can amount to such terror as this little pebble. Disgusting.
Come back tomorrow and I'll regale you with stories of my son screaming at me from the bathroom to come and view his giant feces. I love being a mom.
Plus Brett got to practice polygamy again for a minute while Cody left, leaving Brett with his wife and three children. Brett wasn't as enthusiastic as I thought he would be, though I enjoyed the prospect of having Tanya with me all the time.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The kids are asleep, and I've managed to bathe all the dirt off of me from this mornings torturing, agonizing, harrowing yard work. No hyperbole people. None at all.
I've doodled and diddled some writing, not the greatest, but something. A bit everyday. Like working a muscle. Ouch, please don't talk about muscles. I can feel every single one, and that can't be right...
I've visited some family bloggeroo's and ached for childhood. I miss my cousins I never see, cousins I hardly even know anymore. Bless Brett's family for always staying close.
And now I'm watching "Deal or No Deal," tsk-tsking the greedy contestants. "Give me a penny, I want a penny." Can't you just be happy with a dollar, or a hundred even. Why always the penny? There are like 15 other good cases people. I wish they would say, "Anything but the half-million." That at least won't make the person feel too horrible about opening up a $500.
Future goal: coach stupid contestants on polite game-show etiquette.
People who don't watch this show have just switched to a different blog. I'm about to myself.
Kelly Out (not outside. Never again. Ouch.)
P.S. I bought a Mimosa Tree. I like the sound of that...Mimosa. Mimosa. Oh, the tree's nice too!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Bad picture. Anyway, the SBO's did an awesome job planning. It was held at Noah's, and they had Rock Band, Ping Pong, and Casino Night. Jay and I got pretty crazy on the Craps Table.
Here is Brett rockin' out with his friend Anna (Onnuh). They're blury, you see, because they were rocking so hard their very aura's were vibrating with the sounds. Or because I can't take pictures. Probably the latter.
I could only casually reply, while surpressing my laughter, "It's for her."
I love Jo.
I love Anna.
It was an awesome night. I wonder if I had more fun than Brett after all...
Monday, August 17, 2009
I don't have before pictures, because, frankly, I don't ever want to see that old kitchen again. Ever. I will drown it in gasoline and burn it alive, if I must.
This is what we had left over. Beautiful red mahogany cabinets, with a gorgeous, colorful back splash provided by Scott's Tiling.
And of course, a delicious loaf of bread provided by my wonderful RL President, Sister Warner. My kids didn't know bread could be warm!
And I didn't know that one day I would love my kitchen. Warm bread and pretty kitchens used to be a myth to me. I am a believer. Hallelujah.
And yes, I appreciate the IRONY that I have three ovens and that my children have never tasted home baked bread. Ironecles, you feisty devil you.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Fortunately and UNfortunately, they did not. Bitter-sweet. I loved it. I would see it again. I will one day own this movie and watch it until it breaks. Okay...maybe I'm exaggerating just a bit...
We'll never know.
Go. Off the computer, to the movies, I command you!
PS: if you need someone to go with, I'd be happy to Tagalong.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
So, lack of fast food every day really does help. And I bet walking with Tanya those two times was pretty good.
Oh, and the fact that it's four million degrees and I sweat when I even think about moving.
"Why are you all sweaty?"
"Huh? Oh, I just peeled and orange."
Wanna go walking tonight Tan?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tonight we are doing Aunt WuWu's temple work.
It was a year ago on Sunday that she passed away from a short but painful battle with cancer.
I hope we get to feel her Spirit tonight.
P.S. We'll also be doing my paternal grandfathers work tonight: baptism, confirmation, priesthood ordinance, the works. I'm really excited! It'll be fulfilling to seal him to his children and wife who have already passed. I'm excited to be sealed to him. He was a great, funny man!
Sunday, August 09, 2009
When did I go from "Maid of Honor" to "Matron of Honor"? When did a weekend "in" sound more appealing than a weekend "out"? When did my calendar consist mostly of washing dishes and doing laundry? When did Family Home Evening become an actual Family Home Evening?
I saw a picture of a friend from HS today. She's a mom of three. She looks like a woman. She looks like a mom. So do I.
Happiness is in the answers to these questions for me.
Happiness is my present in view of my past, in hope for my future.
Happiness is my now.
Friday, August 07, 2009
But I can't recall anything that explains IRONY.
So I've created Ironicus.
Ironicus struck today, again. Everything I needed to accomplish today, aside from buying shoes and tanning, was OUTSIDE. I knew there was a chance at rain, BUT COME ON! I washed my car, and the torrential downpour began (you're welcome). I won't tell you what else I had to do outside because it's embarrassing. Here's a hint: it's August, and I'll be back out there in December reversing today's chore. Not to mention a good friend is to be married outside tomorrow. Pray for them, pray for me.
ANYWHO, happy rain folks. I really do enjoy the rain. I just wish it would work around my schedule. I mean really, is that too much to ask? Narcissus anyone?
Kelly Out (in the rain)
And it was good.
On the second day Kelly was determined to have Internet, she got up the guts to tell her husband she signed up without consulting him.
And it was good.
On the third day Kelly was determined to have Internet, nothing really happened. This was the waiting period. Lame.
And it was good.
On the fourth day Kelly was determined to have Internet, the modem came, along with a bearded man who "hooked up" her Internet. She liked him.
And it was very good.
On the fifth day Kelly was determined to have Internet, SHE DID!
And it was AWESOME!
First things first, if I can't afford a real face-lift, I'll live vicariously through my blog. Second things second, or however that goes, hey Tan (to be read Taun, or Tawn). Good to be back.
Now, WHAT'S UP FOLKS?!?! I can barely contain my excitement. My fingers are typing so fast they can hardly stand the excitement!
This will be a relatively short post, in that I won't blast you all with the eighteen million things the Neffites have been up to these past million years because I am in a wedding.
That doesn't appropriately show you my excitement, so let's go to capital letters.
I'M IN A WEDDING. I'M THE MAID OF HONOR. Rather, MATRON OF HONOR! And can I tell you, it is hard work! Not necessarily doing anything, but you worry just as much as the bride!!! I'm so excited for Alysea and David to get married. It's been FIVE YEARS! Patient woman, huh? And tomorrow it will happen, come rain or fire or tornado or Chinese invasion. Hmm, maybe not that last one. We'll see.
So here's a quick something to get you interested in my pending post.
We have a yard. Take it in. We have a yard. Grass. No dirt. Green. No dirt. Sprinklers. No dirt. Can you tell I'm excited about no dirt? No dirt.