Thursday, January 29, 2009

Comfort Zone and Questions

The point of embarking on something new was to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I would've been better off attempting sky diving?

At one point in her book, Carol Lynn Pearson asks, "What if?" and finishes the sentences with happy endings like, "What if I wasn't gay? What if my family was whole?" I ask myself this: "What if I never read this book?"

What if?

Well, then I would still be a very naive convert into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

The whole time reading this book, I kept thinking, "This is not the Church I know. These are not my fellow brothers and sisters. This is not how we treat our members." But, talking to older wiser members, mothers, people in general, I realize that there are people like this; unforgiving, biased, harsh, cruel, mean people who do not understand what Christ's mission was about.

A quote on the front of the book says, "Thank you…for reminding us that the task of any religion is to teach us whom we're required to love, not whom we're entitled to hate." –Rabbi Harold Kushner author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People (Really? Bad things happen to good people? Who knew?)

All sarcasm aside, the issue of homosexuality is a very serious issue that I think all people, of all races, nationalities, religions etc. should consider. I have one gay friend. One. I hardly see him. In fact, I've spoken to him all of two times since he "came out." But I adore him still. I still think of him, still love him. Nothing has changed for me. The fact that we don't talk is purely related to the "married" vs. "single" friend's phenomenon. You just tend to fall apart. I have a mortgage, a husband, and two children. He still get's to stay up past ten o'clock.

What do I think of "No More Goodbyes?"

I think that it casts a very dark shadow over the Church. I want to shout from the roof tops "THE PEOPLE OF THE CHURCH ARE NOT PERFECT. THE GOSPEL IS PERFECT." If every member of this Church lived the Gospel the way it should be lived, then we wouldn't need it. We wouldn't need this probationary period. We wouldn't need the atonement. I'm not speaking about homosexuals when I say this. I'm talking about the members of the Church who put it upon themselves to judge. But I understand that I am not perfect, that I am a growing child of Heavenly Father, and that He will never, ever leave me alone in this growth process.

My heart breaks reading stories about young boys who have killed themselves because of the guilt they've felt over their homosexuality; because the way people treated them (members and non-members alike.) About families torn apart after years because one parent can no longer disguise who they are. It hurts more to see how people react to these men and women. How they're treated after already suffering great pain. Carol Lynn Pearson quotes Maya Angelou at one point. She says, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Amen Maya. Amen.

I'm not going to touch on this subject again. It has invoked in me so many new and strange emotions. This is a new frontier for me.

But I do want to say that though there may be a shadow looming over the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for much of the world who is still in the dark, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is the one and true Gospel. I know that it was put here in the last days to help redeem us. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God; a courageous and amazing man. I know that Jesus is the Christ, and that He lives and He loves us. I know that there are trials in this life that we have to deal with; that we will fall, and that, with hope and faith, we will remember the Atonement, that we will stand up again with the help of the Lord. There is no sheep in His flock not worthy of this Atonement. Not one. And I hope I go forward remembering that. I hope that people who encounter me will remember how I made them feel, and that I make them feel like they're loved.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Today I will be venturing out of my "comfort zone", my happy little bubble that I have conveniently placed myself in to avoid the turmoil's and destruction of the world. If I could express my feelings more freely like the ever entertaining guitar-playing naked-cowboy in Time Square, I would most surely be on the side of State Street at 2200 south expressing my worries that "The World is Coming to an End!"

But, luckily for everyone involved, mostly those who don't want to see me wearing nothing but underwear at a cowboy hat, I have placed myself in the heretofore mentioned bubble of sanctity. Murder, pillaging, plundering, hatred, sadness do not enter into my world. Everything here is just hunky-dory.

I quote again Sherrie Johnson, because again, she's inspired me to go out of my way, pop my little bubble, and do what faith requires of me; that is, to question.

Sherrie says, "The mistake we often make, however, if that sometimes we tend to think that when the Holy Ghost is with us everything will be rosy and wonderful. But often the Holy Ghost pushes us out of our comfort zone and into new realms where we can grow into better people. If we trust in the Spirit to lead and change us, we will experience some stress, but it will always lead to being a better person. If we resist the Spirit, he leaves us and we are left to our own resources to survive in this world. The Spirit will guide us to overcome all negative traits, but we have to yield to his promptings in order to experience the mighty change."

Now, many would rather not discuss proposition 8, and 22, and the whole subject at all. I raised my hand to join that group, but unfortunately they were full. A co-worker has graciously given me a book to read called, "No More Goodbyes" by Carol Lynn Pearson, also author of "Goodbye, I Love You". This is an LDS perspective of homosexuality. It is a compilation of both letters and stories written in by people who have come across this…struggle.

I have always shied away from the issue. I may be an "opinionated" person, I think "opinionated coward" would be more accurate, but I am not one who is not willing to change her opinions.

The Spirit has always guided and led me on my way to finding answers to my questions. It was the Spirit who brought to me my testimony of the Gospel when I gazed upon a man whom I had never seen nor heard of. It is the Spirit now that prompts me to understand more fully the struggles of families and individuals who are thrown into the realm of homosexuality. I don't know why. I don't understand this pull, I dread this direction. But I know that at the end there will be a light that will fill me with understanding and love deeper than I am feeling now.

I will be pushed out of my comfort zone, and into new realms where I hope I grow into a better person.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Scale

I used to hate the scale.

I used to loathe it with every fiber in my being.

So much so that until this month, I have never owned one; but now, happily situated in the middle of my tiny bathroom floor sits a very expensive (albeit free for me) scale that not only tells me how little weight I'm losing, but also how much body fat I have, how much part water I am, how much muscle mass I have (or don't) and how many calories I should take in per day.

I love my new scale. Lemme esplain.

It is a great way to monitor my growth (or fading growth) as I partake on this crazy adventure called weight loss.

It talks to me. It tells me more about what I am, other than just $#% LBS.

This past month has been more exciting to see my fat percentage dwindle along with the pounds. It's interesting to see how much water weight I carry (I'm pretty sure I'm descended from camels), and it also gives me an awesome basis to the ultimate question: "Exactly how many calories should I eat if I want to lose x amount of weight in y amount of time?"

I love my new scale.

If you've had a chance to check that website I referred you to earlier, called "Good News", perhaps you might have stumbled upon a lovely little diddy about monitoring your spiritual health along with your physical health. Ever since reading this, and experiencing life with a scale in my bathroom, I've really taken to trying to "monitor" my spiritual health.

For one thing, I've been keeping a better journal. Even if it's just scribbling down what I did today: "Today I ate twelve donut holes and cried for an hour. Luckily my water weight went down .0009%. Cohen also said the prayer at dinner time, and did a really good job."

For another, I try to remember hymns throughout the day, because, for me, it reminds me of things I should be doing.

"Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray?"

"Savior may I learn to love thee,

walk the path that thou hast shown,

Pause to help and lift another,

finding strength beyond my own."

These have been excellent check points for me when attempting to monitor my spiritual health and reminding what I need to do in order to stay "healthy".

One thing Sherrie Johnson recommends doing is pausing to determine why you're feeling the way you're feeling. If you're sad, is it because you don't have the Spirit with you? If so, what can you do to bring it back? It's funny how easy it is to forget the Spirit is with us, and how quickly we realize it when it is gone.

I'm grateful that we have the Atonement, and continual chances to bring the Spirit back into our heart, and with it the peaceful glow that flows through our minds and our bodies, giving us a truly sublime sense of well-being.

You don't need a scale, though, to radar where you are on your eternal path. You simply need some introspection and a moment of prayer.

Sherrie, in a later post, also qoutes Parly P. Pratt. This qoute moves me so much.

As Parley P. Pratt once explained the Holy Ghost, "expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them by the gift of wisdom to their lawful use. . .It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates, and gives tone to the nerves. In short it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being." (Key to the Science of Theology, pp. 96-97)

Monday, January 26, 2009


I'm having a difficult time thinking full sentences in my head, let alone writing some.

I forget, mid-thought, what I'm thinking.

So to post just to post and let you all know what's going on in my life, I'm going to give you some bullet points.

  • Kembry has a head-cold, and it breaks my heart. She's leaking out of every orifice.
  • I love the Gospel and will forever be learning. I'm grateful for that on so many levels.
  • I love working out. Quit with the gasps, it's true. I love water aerobics. I love sweating. I love sore muscles.
  • I'm struggling (as previously mentioned) with my memory as of late. It's getting worrisome.
  • What was I talking about?
  • Oh yeah.
  • Brett's back at school. I'm enjoying my alone time with the kiddies.
  • We finally took down our Christmas tree.
  • Cohen demands prayers at dinner time.
  • I'm reading The Count of Monte Cristo for the ten millionth time; and I'm okay with that.
  • Tanya French-braided my hair on Saturday, and I wish she could do it every day. Thanks Tan.

So now it's your turn! Get to work people. Give me something to read so I can procrastinate my life a little longer! Haha.

Kelly Out


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Biggest Loser is NOT me

So, Tanya will be happy to know, I watched "The Biggest Loser" last night for the first time.

Am I a horrible person for feeling better about myself?

So much better that I got down on the floor and did about a million sit ups.

Then weighed myself, and had a little congratulatory ceremony of my own.

"You are NOT the biggest loser."

Though I did lose more than Joelle!

I think I'd still fall below the yellow line.

Oh well, onward and upward and off with more weight.

Kelly Out

P.S. Tanya, I will not fall for your temptations. You cannot subdue this weight-loss machine. I am one with my body.

One. One.

(I have some chili cheese Fritos if you wanna come over later and chow down with me!)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Working Out and Expectations

Thanks to Alysea and David, I have to lose and unspecified amount of weight by August 8th.

Okay, it has nothing to do with Alysea and David. But congratulations on the engagement anyway!

So I've been working out a lot, and eating healthy…not a lot a lot, but better than before. It's hard!

But isn't it funny how after you've had a really good workout, and you're feeling grrrrreat and then you look in a mirror and you look the exact same? And somehow you were expecting to suddenly look fabulous?


Fine, it's only me.

Expectations are the devil. I'm just happy to lose an OUNCE these days. An ounce people. An ounce. And I've lost a couple of those. YAY!

Anyway, for the rest of you hooligans who were silly enough (like me) to attempt to make this the year of great weight loss…keep going! And stay away from mirrors. And pizza. And cheese bread. And pretty much anything that tastes delicious.

Kelly out.

Monday, January 19, 2009


Every day, my son wakes up and asks me what day of the week it is, and then will inform me of that particular day's events. Like this: "Mommy, what day is it today?"

"It's Monday."

"Oh, we go to Grandma Nett's on Monday?"

"That's right."

"And you'll pick us up after lunch."


"Then it will be Tuesday."


"And on Tuesday's we go to Kristins and see Elijah and Chandler?"

"Yeppers buddy."

"Oh, and then daddy doesn't have school?"

Anyway, you get the idea. The kid loves his routine. You can't even open the door, because that's something he does.

Well, today I realized he get's this cute little…quirk…from his mother. Each morning, I get to work, and I perform these steps, in the same order, at almost the exact same time each day. I've been like this since my Junior year in high school.

For example, every morning after I turn on my computer, I open my e-mail. I can't move on until everything has been read, junked, or deleted, and the deleted box emptied. Then I click onto my blog to see which of my fellow blogger-oo's have updated.

But most importantly, and something I look forward to everyday now, is a blog called "Good News" that was referred to readers by Bethany (Finlinson). I love this blog. To me, each morning, it's like an inspirational, shortened lesson. It gets my spiritual blood pumping. It hypes me up. It helps me remember the important things throughout the day. I haven't been reading my scriptures in the morning for the past year (Brett's asleep when I leave, and I'm hopeless without him!) but since reading her blog, she not only teaches me what these scriptures mean, but she gets me excited to read more. So I do. And then the next day, I wonder what she'll touch on, what new doors with curiosity hiding behind them she'll open for me. She's an amazing woman, with a powerful testimony and a wonderful knowledge of the Gospel. I hope you take a moment to check it out. I think you'll love it as much as I do!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Miche Bag

I might be a little slow getting on the band wagon, as usual, but these purses are awesome!

Coming from a purse fanatic (though I have refrained from purchasing any purses for almost 3 years!) I think this is the most amazing invention. Can I call this an invention? Yes, I will take that liberty.

So, if you've been in the darkness of purse heck (yes, I said heck), let me introduce you to the light:

I hope you reap as much pleasure at just browsing as I did!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Snow Cave

It started out innocent enough. I came outside around 7:30 to see what the kids were doing with Dad. Or rather, what dad was doing to the kids. At first I didn't question the giant mound, or the long 2x4 he was holding, or the look of a deer caught in headlights. I just went along with it, snapping pictures of the pretty snow and my cute babies.

Here's one now. Ain't she cute?

And then I noticed it. The giant hole beneath the giant mound that he had begun to dig. (Or is it "began" to dig? Mr. Drake, where are you when I need you?)

Is this some sort of...physically mutilated snowman? I mean, Brett's pretty creative, I wouldn't have been surprised.

What's that board for? Why are you putting that board through that hole, Brett? My stomach began to lurch as the female-mother intuition kicked in. Oh Crap. The infamous "Snow Cave". He always said he was going to do it...I just thought...I just thought I'd talked him down.

At this point I hear him say, "Okay Cohen, go in." The look on my poor first-borns face does not accurately reflect the feelings that were coursing through his-rather our-bodies. Go. In. An unstable snow cave? Built by you? Hmmm...moms offer of hot chocolate is sounding purrretty good right about now.

But Brett persists. And because he's a first born, the apple of his fathers crazy eyes, he obliges. What a sweet, obliging son. Terrified, sweet, obliging son.

At this point, Brett hands him a flash light. "Just watch the canary son, you'll be fine." But it's all good. Cohen's having a good time. It's in his blood. Craziness to crawl under unstable snow caves is passed along the Y chromosome.

"Hey, while you're already in there risking your lift son, why don't you go ahead and even out those walls for your old man? Atta boy!"

And of course, no snow cave is complete with out an exit. And incredibly small, increasingly dangerous, exit.

"It's okay mom. I didn't really want to grow up anyway. All that hype. No, I'd much rather be smothered by pounds of snow in my pointless attempt to crawl out an exit only meant for small mice...what's wrong with the canary?"

The moral of the story, my fellow blog readers and parents: Never leave your husband unattended with a shovel, four feet of snow and two elf slaves.

(Brett later closed up the holes, since our back yard is not fully enclosed. I just kept having nightmares of neighborhood children going "Hey cool, a snow cave!" Crawling beneath it, and then it comes crashing down, with a $300,000 law suit along with it. So, no worries.)

(Oh, and no canary's were harmed in the making of this snow cave. It just had a little cold.)

Monday, January 05, 2009

Jesus wants me for a SUNBEAM!

To shine for Him each day...

And I swear that does not include drinking alcohol and then taking pictures holding Book of Mormons...
As we were leaving church, someone asked me how I felt now that I have a sunbeam.
"I feel like I'm going to go home and cry."
And Cohen responded, with utmost worry, "Mommy, don't go home and cry!"
My little sunbeam.

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