Thursday, May 29, 2008

What a strange word

schadenfreude \SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun:
A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

Malfoy, anyone?

Aunt Woo Update

Aunt Woo is all done with Chemotherapy and Radiation. They even sent home her radiation scary hockey mask-looking face. She's lost a lot of her hair, but not all of it. She's really tired and has a runny and sore nose and her left eye doesn't seem to want to stop leaking. We'll get to know how the whole treatment worked in about 6 weeks, so we'll keep you posted!

Thank's again for your comments, thoughts and prayers. We're so grateful for Susan and all that she does for our family. We've really missed her over these past couple of weeks when she hasn't been at Sunday dinner. Memorial Day breakfast and cemetary visits weren't the same without her. We're hopeful and excited to get her back to her old country-hopping self. We love you Woo Woo!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I am ashamed

67%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I guess I have a few questions though. Like, what is this a percentage of? My life? Yikes, if that's the case. And, what happens if you're 100% addicted to blogging, because, let's face it, I'm on my way! This post alone bumps me up to 3 a day. I may need to look into getting professional help.

Not one but TWO random side notes!

One: I'm now reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I have been dispiritedly informed by my father-in-law that after this book, I can say goodbye to my cutsie wootsie Harry Potter Wizard books and say hello to the reality of magic-whatever that means. In my world of magic, everything is innocent and wonderful, and all the Harry Potters beat the Voldemorts, and all the Malfoy's get electric treatment by goblins, and all the Hermione's end up with the Ron's. For all that, I'm reading on. I may finish the last book with a swear under my breath as my father-in-law predicts, none the less, I'm way excited!!!!

One and a half: Oh, oh, also, the Eclipse with the first chapter of Breaking Dawn comes out in four days. I am experiencing no minimal amount of excitement over this. Translate that!

Two: I realize that I'm generally a sarcastic person (shocking, I know). I just want to say that despite the scoffing and sneering comments I throw on my blog (like despairing words to live by, for example) I really do appreciate the beauty and wonders of the world, and truly am a hopeful, happy person. It's just that it's so much fun to laugh. So, even though I don't slap on the sappy motivational words of the wise on everything, and always have something sarcastic to say in my posts, I really am not a dry, dark, human being who only crawls out of the depths of my deep, damp cave to depress everyone. Most of the time.

Have a nice day!

I thought it would be fun to see who came to the blog and visited, but now I'm all sorts of nervous about what to write. Especially because people keep saying things like, "You're not putting that on your blog are you?" Or, "Don't I need to sign a disclosure that allows you to put those pictures on the internet?" No. Well, yes to the first, always, and no to the second, HAHAHAHAHAHA. It's a God Complex.

Anyway, I got some AWESOME pictures from our Memorial Day shenanigans (everyone agreed to participate for you Cora, so I hope you enjoy!), but as it was 5:28 AM when I left the house and my brain is still on sleep-in-mode, I forgot the camera. So, it'll have to wait until tomorrow, assuming I'm not on sleep-in-mode still.

On a side note, because I know how much you enjoy hearing about how cute and perfect and absolutely adorable my angelic little children are, I will share with you lasts nights prayer. By far my favorite.

So, Cohen said his prayer first. Definately adorable, but what's notable is Kembry's attempt.

Mommy: Ok, Jeany, your turn. Let's say a prayer.
She folds her arms again and bows her head to her chest.
Mommy: Heavenly Father...
Kembry: Hebenly Fadder...blessings...dank dee...
Cohen: Thank thee for my blessings...
Kembry: Blessings...
She lifts up her head and looks around and then grabs her blanky and holds it to her face
Kembry: Dank dee for banky. Amen.

Oh, thank you Target and Amy what's-your-designer-name for creating the way cute pink and brown butterfly soft blanket that caused this moment. Cutest. Kid. Ever. Amen.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Astrology 101

I.E. Weird Science

I'm borrowing a book from a coworker on Astrology and the Zodiac and all that lunacy, yuk yuk, and since Brett and I had time on our hands last night (a very rare event, indeed) we had time to read all about each others Zodiac. Brett is a Libra. I always knew he was perfect, but this book just slaps it in my face. It was interesting and a little bit creepy reading about the attributes of our Zodiacs. For example, Brett is very level headed and democratic. He tends to be more liberal, he's the leader of his house (the Zodiac house, not our physical house, I'm the leader of that!) and likes tall babes with long flowing hair. Wow, so not me, but that's ok, because he's always been one to see outside the cookie cutter stereotypes of his Zodiac; something he's struggled with all his life...or just since last night. Either way.

Then we get to me. The reason this is so funny is that I took a "Which Princess Are You?" quiz, out of pure boredom yesterday...Ok, I was determined to be Megara, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I was so ashamed of the answer, that I refused to put it on my blog, but now, because the stars and the moon and all the planets in the solar system say it must be so, I will tell you, I am Cinderella. Euw. One of my least favorite Disney Princesses. C'mon girl, get off your pity party, march back to that castle in rags and all and claim your man! But this book, this book, whose writers are probably basing their information on stuff they pull out of their bottoms, referred to this same persona for at least 5 pages of my Zodiac. All about Cindy and the step-sisters. But after Brett read the last page, as we were pulling into our driveway at 11:30 pm, kids sleeping peacefully and blissfully unaware of their parents evil Wicken ways in the front seat, I started to realize that indeed, I am Cindy. Cancers are ruled by the night; everything significant that happens to Cindy is during the night-fairy god-mother, the ball, meeting the prince, transformation, etc. Also, mice are night creatures. Also, pumpkins grow during the night. Sort of interesting. Cindy also uses her femanine wiles to ensare Prince Charming (that's right, I said ensare, we know our powers.) To sum up, though, apart from all the Cinderella analogies, Cancers are emotional strong creatures who seek a Prince (last reference, I promise) and are eteranally loyal to them as long as they can handle the crabs emotional outbursts and chaos.

Lucky Brett.

It is my emotional nature to accept things as final with an ease that others envy. I've accepted that I'm Cinderella. My Prince, undoubtedly, is Brett. I knew it the second I laid eyes on him and my roommate said, "I get the tall one," and I was willing to break her legs to get him. As for the glass slipper...I have big fat feet. I think they got that part of the story wrong. It should've been an Old Navy Flip Flop. You can't blame them for trying...

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Clarification

Oops. I'd call it Placenta Brain, but that would confuse people more; and I had NO IDEA that my whole family read our blog. I'm not pregnant. Sorry for the confusion everyone. I'm red from hair line to toenails. Few. Close one.

**Side note: You'll know I'm pregnant when you find me on top of the Church Office Building threatening to jump unless I get a full body massage and a valium.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Stimulate This!

Without sounding unpatriotic and without getting myself arrested for terrorism, just a quick little rant about our lovely government (in case you're reading this FBI Agent Prentis, even though this isn't your field and you're an imaginary character on a TV show, the Govn't rocks man!) Brett and I have been excitedly waiting for our chance to stimulate the economy with our happy little fish being sent to us. Yesterday, after weeks of anticipated waiting, biting our nails, balancing and re-balancing our $3.67, we received the coveted envolope branded with IRS on the bottom right hand corner.

This is it, Brett said, anxiously ripping open the envelope.

I could barely contain my excitment. Money, thousands and thousands and thousands of pennies worth, all for free! My breathing hastened, then stopped, because I still have pleurisy and for a moment thought a little nymph was stabbing me in the chest with his little sword and then lighting it on fire and dancing around laughing it up...

"This is a letter to inform you that you will be receiving your Economic Stimulus Check May 23, 2008..." blah blah blah.

A letter. To tell us that in 3 DAYS we would receive another envelope, but with an actual check.


On the bright side, we're getting a few more thousand pennies than we thought we would. So much for teaching us to fish. Oh well, I can't fish without my Brooks and Dunns CD singing about Neon Signs and boots that scoot and boogy in that hideaway stuck out in the woods. See, I'm American and Patriotic. Yee Haw.

Cohen's very visible growth spurt

They're not kidding when they say kids get growth spurts near their birthday. The poor dear. Our little Cohen has been extremely cranky, and I happily attributed it to my being sick, and he was just so distraught that mommy wasn't feeling well. My four walls of conceit fell down after last nights prayer.

Cohen: Please bless me good dreams and sleep well.
Please bless me grow big.
Please me, my legs won't hurt anymore.

Darn it! I've been in serious Freudian denial these past few weeks. I failed to notice my sprouting son. His legs, I suddenly noticed, are SO MUCH longer already. His little jammies were floods on him. This, of course, made me burst into a frenzied fit of denial. I've entered the four steps of motherhood. My little baby, my little 6 lb 14 oz 19 in wailing baby, is a little boy. This is harder than I had anticipated. My little assumption that I was the center of his world also doesn't help. But, you know what they say when you assume. If you don't, email me, and I'll tell you. This is a family site, after all.

I'm slowly moving into the second step, obsessive planning over his future/further denial. Suddenly I'm overly concerned with what elementary he'll be attending, and whether or not I want him to attend Harvard or Yale. I guess I'll let him pick...between those two. I'm pretty sure they still admit little red-headed, freckle faced curmudgeons. I've also begun interviews for his future wife. Please contact me via e-mail to set up an appointment.

The worst part of the whole thing was the sudden realization that it doesn't end with Cohen. Nor, I'm sure, will it end with Kembry. I will have to go through these stages at least two more times, probably more; and I don't expect it gets any easier with the subsequent punks.

But I won't worry about that now. I'll worry about that tommara.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Some things I've missed

It has been a LONG 12 days, let me tell you. Here are some things I've missed:


My kids. They've been very patient with me. On Friday, though, Cohen asked me to go to Daycare with him. I really, really, REALLY wanted to.


Being outside. My house has been dark and dingy for 12 days, all the while the weather has been AMAZING. Very depressing.

Lungs that you're not aware of due to the blinding pain. Ok, not blinding, but annoying none the less.


Taking care of myself and my family. Poor Brett, bless his heart.

A clean house. Poor Brett, bless his heart.


But I did finish reading the second "Airy Potta", as Brett would say. On to the third...

And thanks for your comments and support and dinner and calls and love and all that jazzy.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Pneumonia, Pleurisy and The Producers

It's been forver! How are you, my three dedicated readers? Me, I'm struggling, but getting there! Here's what's been goin' on in my little slice of the world:

Wednesday I was diagnosed with Pneumonia.

Kelly: Isn't that the stuff I'm supposed to clean with?
Brett: No dear, that's ammonia.
Doctor: Is she normally so stupid?

Yes, yes she is.

Thursday and Friday passed in somewhat of a mucusy blur of aching lungs and a frazzled husband. Bless his heart. My lungs hurt more, because now some lining is infected as well. The doctor was spitting out all these technical words like pleurisy and lungs.

Saturday, my darling dear of a sweet and slightly sadistic husband abashedly (is that a word? Sure, why not) gave me my mothers day present: tickets to The Producers. He felt so bad, but what could the poor dear do? Not to mention it's the most thoughtful gift. So, I slept all day Saturday in hopes that I would have energy (and less phlegm) by 5:00. It didn't happen, oh well, we set off.
We were running on time, which for any of you who know me, that's late in my book, when all of the sudden a bolt breaks lose from the breaks on our mini-van. Of course, we didn't know it was this at the time, never the less, we pulled over to safety with only 13 minutes to get to the musical. Luckily, my dad lives just up the street, and he rescued us. As he was dropping us off, the usher was ushering the last-second people in, which we were apart of. We made it. And I'd like to make a public apology for all those sitting within a fifteen foot radius of me at the musical: I'M SO SORRY! Laughing makes me cough.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Last Nights Prayer

Cohen: Mommy, fold your arms.
Mommy: Ok, go ahead buddy.
Mommy: "Heavenly Father..."
Cohen: Heavenly Father
Thank thee for dis day
Thank thee for my sister
Kembry: Amen
Cohen:Please help me good sleep and dreams
Please help me good sleep and dreams
Kembry: Amen
Cohen: And the spirit
Kembry: Amen
Cohen: In da name of da Jesus Christ
Kembry: Silence
Cohen: Amen
Mommy: *uncontrolable giggling*
Kembry: AMEN!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Hubby Tag

This is great! I've always wanted to do one of these, since Brett RARELY contributes to our blog. This is really my fault, regardless, I'm still excited. Here we go:

Husband Tag
1.What is his name? Brett Michael Neff Hot-Stuff
2.Who eats more? Sadly, I do. He would forget to eat if I didn't remind him. He likes to eat, don't get me wrong, he just forgets to do it.
3.Who said I love you first? I did. It was followed by a long stream of insults though, as in "I love you, but you're being a MASSIVE JERK!" One month later, the jerk finally said it on the same day I had my very first (of a total of 3) anxiety attacks.
4.Who is taller? Guess! Hmm, I'm going to have to say him. It's sort of funny though, he's 6'1", but you'd never know it to look at him. He says that's because his head is so big. But really, he's massive.
5. Who is smarter? I would have to say he is. Book smarts, me. Everything else, which is what really matters, him. Definitely him.
6.Who is more sensitive? Me. In fact, I've only ever seen him mad or upset a handful of times.
7.Who does the laundry? I like Tanya's answer to this. I do, however I get him to help often. I'm pretty tricky, but I'm sure he's wise to my manipulating. I'll say things like, "Hey hon, can you run downstairs and just real quick take the clothes out of the dryer. Oh, and put the clothes in the washer into the dryer, and then throw this load into the washer?" He falls for it every time.
8.Who pays the bills? Well, we're both REALLY forgetful when it comes to this. That is why we've set EVERYTHING up on auto pay. So, the bank pays the bills. Thanks bank!
9.Who cooks more? We cook about the same. He's a better cook though. I'm so by the book. He loves to experiment, and it almost always tastes good. But it's taken me 5 years to trust his judgement. He says I'm a pretty good cook, but I think he has to say that, because, as in question 6, I'm more sensitive.
10.What meals do you cook together? If it's BBQ, we cook together. He does the BBQ-ing, and I do everything else. I'm perfectly happy with this. I have a tendency to burn things on the grill. I hate the grill. I loathe the grill. Breakfast, too. I hate making pancakes, and he and the kids love them, so I do all the rest while he does the pancakes. And cookies and brownies we make together. He has to be there for this part to sneak in extra chocolate, even if the recipe doesn't call for all.
11.Who is more stubborn? Me, for sure. Poor kid. Still, he can be a donkey at times as well. When he is though, he's mostly just doing it deliberately, to piss me off. It works.
12.Who is first to admit they're wrong? One of the reasons we've made it these past 5 years (long time, I know!) is that we both are good at admitting we're wrong. Or, if the other one proves the other is wrong, neither of us are real prideful and can just let it go. I really love this about him.
13.Who is more clean? Neither of us. But I get anxious if it's messy, and it's usually messy. The only thing he likes clean is our bedroom, and it's usually messy. He likes a clean house, but doesn't care enough to do anything about it, like nag me to clean it. On the other hand, if I'm in a grumpy mood, he'll clean, because he knows it makes me feel better. He's cute.
14. Who has more siblings? He does. 1 sister and two younger brothers. I have a half sister, a step brother and a step sister. So, technically it's even, but we don't see my siblings nearly as often as we see his.
15. Who wears the pants in the relationship? Aww, some more wise words from Tanya. He's the head of the family, but I'm the neck that turns the head. Really though, I probably do. Only because he's so laid back, he really doesn't care one way or the other. Sometimes this is nice, other times it's like "Have a bloody opinion already! Tell me what restaurant you want to eat at! What do you want for dinner!? Make up my mind for me!" That sort of thing. But if this is my worst complaint, I'll take it!
16.What do you like to do together? This is a family blog, folks. But other than that, we like to watch movies, read the same books, talk about the gospel, talk about/listen to music, go out on dates, cook together.
17. Who eats more sweets? He does. There's not even a competition here. The kid has to eat at least a pound of candy a day. We have a separate fund for his candy fetish. If you go to his desk at work, you will find a year supply of candy for most people. This usually gets him through the week.
18.Guilty pleasure? Spending money on music, or snowboarding. I would say eating candy, but it's not a guilty pleasure, he feels NO GUILT for it.
19.How did you meet? It was a cold, dark night. Actually, it was warm, and we met at Institute at the SLCC Redwood campus. His friend looked familiar momentarily, and then when I realized he wasn't the person I thought he was, it was too late, we were already talking. Then he pointed over to a group of his friends, inviting us over to chat, and I saw him in all his red-headed glory. The most gorgeous man I've ever, and will ever, lay eyes on. You think I'm exaggerating? Ask Melanie how I acted for six months, EVERY DAY, after I met him. I couldn't form a coherent sentence. I giggled 23 hours of the day. I texted so much to him, I got callouses on my thumbs (a bit of a hyperbole there for ya!) We saw each other every single day after that night.
20.Who kissed who first? It depends who you ask. Here's how it went down. I had known him exactly one week, and he was the one for me: I just had to convince him of that. I took him to Ensign peak for his birthday, and with a little help from my roommate, had a lovely little scene set up with his guitar and music. He serenaded me (for his birthday, it was awesome) and for the very first time in my entire life, I was shy. Then, for the very first time in HIS life, he wasn't. He said, "So, when do I get my birthday kiss?" I'm pretty sure I glowed scarlet, but I leaned forward and kissed him. Here is where the eternal debate lies. HE SAYS I opened my mouth. I SAY he shoved his tongue in mouth. I'll stop there, again, this is a family blog.
**Grossed out yet?**
21.Who proposed? He did. After he proposed to his mother.
22.His best features? There are too many. His red hair and his smile are my favorite physical features if he's wearing his shirt. Otherwise, it would be his chest/shoulders/arms. He looks scrawny, but the kid is buff. He can lift me up, and that's saying something. Personality wise, everything. He's the happiest-go-luckiest man I've ever known. He brightens the dreariest of days for me. His sole purpose in life is serving me, and I adore it.
23.What is his greatest quality? Oh, um, I already answered that one. Personal slave.

I hubby tag Alysea (even though David's not her hubby, and he'd have my head if I said he was), Lacey (because I'd love to know more about her dimple-faced hubby) and Melanie, because he husband makes me laugh, and I love how they met and fell in love. And Amber, because I've never met someone who loves to talk about their husband SO MUCH. It's kind of cute, when it's not nauseating! Kidding Amber, only kidding.

Guess What!

It's here!

Monday, May 05, 2008

Good Food, Good Friends add up to a Fun Weekend

Had a wonderful weekend with good friends and good BBQ. I have my very first sinus infection, and I have to apologize for ever thinking that these were just slightly painful stuffy noses. So bare with me on this post, my head is a little fuzzy.

Brett got creative this weekend and decided to hook up our computer to our TV. Where he gets these ideas is beyond me. Anyway, Saturday night, rather, Sunday morning around 12:30 AM, the Duckworths and the Neff's enjoyed a completely random game of solitaire. That's right, we all sat there and watched me play solitaire. The best part came when we won the game, and all the cards came falling down. It must have been late, because we all sat there and watched them, every single card, all 52. Oddly enough, it was fun. Then, again totally random, we played a little Sim City. I have to say, I never knew you could play solitaire and Sim City with 4 people. It was awesome.

Earlier in the evening we played a way awesome game called "Nurtz"! Haha, I remembered the name FINALLY! It was a blast. I thought for sure the Hancuff's would dominate, but Kimby and Joey snuck in under the radar and had a couple of pretty good games, leaving Joey in the lead, Tanya following closely behind. The Neff's, as usual, had their minds elsewhere, and came in last. But it was fun none the less!!!

Friday, May 02, 2008

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