Turn That Frown Upside Down

(That post title is way too perky.)

I'm having a "I-feel-like-I've-failed-at-everything" kind of morning.

I look around at my house, and it's a disaster.

My kids: total rag-a-muffins.

My dog keeps licking my hands because she's probably so desperate for attention, and I'm just annoyed.  Another thing that needs my already-scarce time.

And I'm mad at myself.  Not my today self, she's the one suffering.  She's the victim.

I'm mad at my yesterday-self, and my day-before-yesterday-self.  And all of my last-week-self.

Then I start to notice this familiar theme: the downward spiral into the self-loathing/woe-is-me depression.  I recognize it because I've been to this park before.  There's the "why is this happening to me" swing, and the "my life is so unfair" slide.  It's really not a great park, I don't know why I keep coming back here.

Anyway, a few years ago my present-self had a long convo with my past-self and they battled a few things out.  Present-self really thought past-self could step it up a notch, and past-self did that obnoxious thing of pointing out the obvious: no time like the present.

Start now?  Like...right now.  Help my future-self out?  That chick is so dang needy.

I wrote this post a few years ago about trying to change, and recognizing that I'm not a tree, so I can change where I am, and other catchy memes.  I'm one of those slow people who have to continually be reminded of my own good advice.  So I'm gonna take some past-me advice and move forward.

Today, I'm going to:

• Recognize three things I did yesterday for my family, for my friends, and for myself.  It sounds like a big task, but when you think about it, "waking up" can count as a high five for myself.  Making my bed, BOOM!  Another high five.  How about that time I got to pee in privacy.  I call that a win.  Not to mention all the great stuff I did for my family last night, like getting some much over-due R&R with a pal.  How is this helpful to my family?  I think you know.
• Recognize three small ways I succeeded yesterday, that seem to be making today easier.  Well, I cleaned a lot yesterday, but it wasn't the "out in the open" kind of clean.  I went through the clothes.  The kids clothes.  I separated, folded and stored (complete with a printed label for each!) into those nifty vacuum bags.  Sure the rest of my house was destroyed, but the top of those closets are...cleaner.  I also did some other stuff.  But I won't bore you with it.  Cause closet cleaning and clothes sorting is all sorts of interesting
• List three things I'm going to do for my tomorrow-self.

1. Read with the kids.
2. Go to the library - with the kids.
3. Make dinner and eat - with the kids.

Making these lists always draw my attention to reality and truth.  Sure I didn't out perform perfection yesterday, and I'm positive I won't today.  But I did succeed in small ways.  The small stuff, in the end, is quite literally what life is made of.  You know, like atoms and stuff.

So buh-bye life-sucks-me.  You are of no use to me here.  But I do have a self-loathing day coming up.  I've scheduled it off as "Netflix" binge.  *Need to remember to buy Puffy Cheetos*