Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Sigh Factor

I have a lot of friends who take losing weight more seriously than I do. Okay, maybe not more "seriously", considering I work out 6 days a week (have I mentioned I'm exhausted? I am!) Anywho…these lovely and intelligent ladies all do Weight Watchers. And I mostly just leech off of their knowledge. Things like, "Say, how many points would this be, if one were actually willing to pay for Weight Watchers?" And then oblige me. They're so enabling! Haha, don't stop though.

Anywho, my cousin and I were wisely partaking of some delicious Olive Garden, and I asked her, casually, "How is it you can eat Olive Garden while doing Weight Watchers?" And she added up the points for me and explained everything, and then she re-explained it as if talking to a five year old, because she basically was. But the most interesting, and important, and the POINT of all this babbling, is that she taught me about the "Sigh Factor."

Sigh Factor: When you're body is satisfied, and when you're satisfied (two different things for me!) you sigh subconsciously. It's pretty neat. Next time you're eating, listen, pay attention, you will see. You sigh. "Ahhh, that was yummy." And then, if you're like me, you keep eating, when really you're just supposed to STOP. This doesn't make sense to me, but whatever!

Well, I've decided that this Sigh Factor also applies to your womb. I mean, aside from the obvious "proverbial womb lurches" from the depths of your soul, I believe there is a Sigh Factor. Here are the symptoms:

  • You see a pregnant lady, and instead of backing away with disgust at the memories of the most horrible nine months of your life, you sigh.
  • You see a baby screaming in the grocery store, a red-faced, on-the-point-of-crying–from-exhaustion-and-frustration mother, and you sigh.
  • You cannot keep your hands off your best friend's belly (or complete strangers for that matter), despite the fact that every time the little guy jabs her in gut she screams in pain, and you sigh.
  • You get out the dusty baby clothes your three year old wore, try to figure out where that stain came from, and you sigh.
  • Last but not least, you begin emotionally blackmailing your husband by teaching your current children to say things like, "I want a little brother." And instead of backing away in fear at the look on his face, you sigh, because it's all worth it.

Brett said he doesn't believe in this theory. He also doesn't believe that I'm on the point of baby-blackmailing him, and just taking it into my own hands and having eight children injected into my womb. What? The government will pay for them.

So, thank you everyone for inviting me to your baby showers so I can sigh at all your cute pregnant bellies (and secretly covet them)!

'Tis the season, and it's raining babies, Hallalujah, it's raining babies, AMEN. Name that song.

(Hint: replace "babies" with "Men". Might make more sense…)

Kelly Out

3 comments:

Cheyenne and Seth and Co. said...

i love you:) and i knew that song even before you switched the words! ("It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls) Do i get a frosty or something?

Jen and Jared said...

Yea for babies! It's true about the sigh factor with eating. I do that at every meal that doesn't make me sick. It's a great sign!

Liz said...

I just ate a package of Hostess Cupcake pack. And I'm not pregnant. Sigh.

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