Live on Purpose

When I was in HS, I had both member and non-member friends*.  Well, I had ONE non-member friend, really.  She was my best friend.  When I decided to join the Church, she was the only friend who really stood by me.

She had her quirks, sure.  But I loved her quirks.  She would eat mac & cheese and Mountain Dew for breakfast in front of our lockers.  She had a mouth like a sailor.  She didn't care what anyone thought, and I loved her for it.

Some** of my new friends, my "member" friends, would say things to me like, "I can't believe you're friend with her.  She swears."  Or, "Did you know that drinking caffeine is wrong?"  (Which, by the way, it isn't.)  These were MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS for crying out loud.  These were people who knew better.  They had been taught to love all our brothers and sisters, regardless of our differences.

It still blows my mind, absolutely shocks me, to know that there are ADULT members that act this way.  In HS, I would write off my friends inefficiencies with the old adage, "They're just young."   But it wasn't that.  It was their life style, their way of thinking.

When I would talk to my friend about all of this, it only soured her further toward the Church.  When we were older, and I was married, I would tell her that "The Church is perfect.  The people of the Church are not perfect."  That's why we have the Gospel, isn't it?  To learn?  To make mistakes, fall down, get back up, and try again?  Why else would we have an Atonement?  Why else would our Savior suffer through all that he suffered for us?

Sad to say my sweet friend still balks at the church.  And I meet new people all the time that are gun shy at bringing up the topic.  It does my heart good and makes me feel like I'm on the right track when, after getting to know me, they feel free to ask me questions.  Again and again.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here.  I know that the Church is true.  And I also know that, like any faction or belief or political party out there, there are going to be those people who just believe that they're right, and everyone else is wrong.

Back to HS, on one of the last days of my Senior year, a boy who I had known since 4th grade came up to me and said, "I didn't know you were a member, Kelly!  You always smell like smoke!"

I wanted to cry.  I really liked that boy.  And I always smelled like smoke because I lived in a house with smokers.  I wanted to cry.

Do we realize, the impact we make in peoples lives?  If we are so adamant about pronouncing our religion, which we should be, then we should also realize that everything we do will be connected with that pronouncement.  Every little, teeny, tiny thing we do wrong will automatically be connected with the only perfect thing existing on this planet.

I'm not saying we should be perfect.  I'm not saying that's even possible.  What I'm suggesting is that we live on purpose.  Let every word you speak, let every move you make, happen with the thought in mind that someone is watching.  Someone is connecting it with God.  Satan is waiting and hoping that you'll mess up so that he can't plant that awful seed of doubt in the person that was watching.

Don't give him the chance.

I think about the family who brought me to the Church. I think about the grief I gave them.  I put up quite the fight.  But they didn't care.  They didn't care that I lived with smokers, that I was raised to hate Mormons.  They didn't get offended at the rude things I said.  They only loved me.  Just as the Savior asked them to do.

"A new commandment I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that ye are my disciples, if you love one another."

*Footnote:  I just realized (thanks to Aprils comment) that I  made it sound like ALL my "member friends" in HS were this way.  That couldn't be farther from the truth.  They were only a small handful.  I had so many wonderful friends that supported me and loved me (and my quirky friend) just for who we are.  This post should have been more about their wonderful example, rather than the few who gave a poor example.

**By "some", I mean there were only a few who acted this way.  Not ALL my "member" friends acted in this way.  Far from it.  The End.

Double Digits!

Size of baby:  According to thebump.com, our baby is the size of a large prune.  This is so ironic to me.  Read on.

Total Weight Gain:  I haven't weighed myself this week.  But I wasn't sick for THREE WHOLE DAYS (it was wonderful) and I also didn't *EHEM* ya know, poop, for THREE WHOLE DAYS (and it's not been so wonderful) so I don't care what I weigh right now.

Maternity Clothes:  I felt validated when I read on babycenter.com that "you may or may not be wearing maternity clothes, but if you aren't, you may have noticed you're clothes are fitting uncomfortably tight."  That is so true.  All of the sudden everything is so snug around my waist.  I have to remind myself this is my FOURTH pregnancy and I've been stretched out, so it's totally normal to be digging through our storage unit searching for those maternity clothes.  I just haven't gotten around to it yet.  But probably by next week, I'll be wearing my favorite stretchy paints again *grin*

Gender: I'm still feeling boy.  All old wives tales point to girl, but I tend to be in the opposite of those.  For example, my uterus is really high.  I'm sick all the time.  I'm super emotional.  Normally, these signs would point to girl.  But I'm still feeling boy.

Movement:  I remember this with the last two pregnancy: the uterus jumps.  It feels like a baby kicking, but obviously it's not.  It's fun and it's gets me excited for my favorite part of pregnancy: quickening.  I love love that first little squirm.  Can't wait!

Sleep:  While my family visited over the weekend, I got great sleep.  Last night, after they left, I couldn't sleep.  It was horrible.  I want them back!!  They're my good sleep charm.

What I Miss:  Nothing really.  I'm getting a little bit more energy back and I had those wonderful three days where I wasn't horribly sick, so I think things are starting to look up!

Cravings:  MEAT!  I must need protein or human blood or something.  Not even a good ol' boiled egg is cutting it anymore.  I want a large slab of meat.  We went to Famous Daves for lunch, and I purposely ate a light sandwich before we went so I wouldn't gorge myself on meat.  It didn't work.

Symptoms:  I'm getting that achy uterus stretching.  I love it though, because I know it means little snapper is growing, and it gets me that much closer to not having to suck it in.  I've started having more headaches, but I have a fabulous medication for them.  My nausea is slowing down (minus last night and this morning) and I'm finally getting some energy back.  Yay!

Best Moment of the Week:  Seeing my dad and step-mom, step-sister and nephew.  It was so nice getting out of the house and being with family.  I loved having them over Sunday night.  We had a blast at the Zoo and it just felt like old times again.  But my most favorite part was a date night with Brett and waking up to zero kids in the house.  I think we all needed the break and we all feel rejuvenated and ready to get back to our regularly scheduled program without killing each other.  Always a good sign.

Appointments This Week: No appointments this week!  Though I may be calling in for some help with  my little constipation problem.  It's driving me nuts!

What I'm Looking Forward To:  I'm just gonna say it.  Pooping.  Also, I'm wondering if my doctor will want to do an 11 week ultrasound.  I think it would be awesome to see the baby again.

This Weeks Thoughts:  I'm a bit worried about Chloe.  She's so clingy and such a mama's girl.  But I'm reassured by the fact that she'll be 2 when this one is born, and will *crosses fingers* hopefully have grown out of the clingy stage.  Although, in the mean time, I love it.

Sibling Rivalry:  The kids are still super excited.  I need their excitement.  They fuel me and get me excited. I love it!

Pictures from this Week:

9 Weeks

Size of Baby:  According to thebump.com, little snapper is the size of a disgusting green olive. 

Total Weight Gain: Thanks to morning, afternoon, early afternoon, early evening, evening and midnight sickness, and a healthy bowel movement, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight of "fat".  I'm okay with this.  I was worried when I had gained 7 pounds out of nowhere...

Maternity Clothes: Still wearing the same ol' jeans as before.  Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly bloated, I do the whole rubber band through button hole thing.  But other than that, I'm maternity clothes free.  Still eying them, though.

Gender:  I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling "boy".  Maybe it's all the kids talk, maybe it's just wishful thinking, I don't know.  The other night Brett kept me up until 12:30 going over boy names.  Ugh.  It's gonna be a long 7 months.

Movement:  As in "bowel" movement.  Ha, just kidding.  Nothing yet, though I'm sure it's getting a workout on my trampoline like uterus.

Sleep:  My doctor gave me Zofran for my puke-a-thons.  This makes me super sleepy.  Plus, I am for some reason allergic to this pregnancy (just like I was with Cohen, which again makes me think "boy")  I get super itchy and hivey so I've been taking benadryl as well.  These two put together is better than any sleeping medicine on the market.

What I Miss:  Energy and not feeling sick.  I think Brett would like his wife back.  And the kids may or may not want their mom back.  I'd like me back.  I keep holding onto the whole "second trimester" surge of energy.  So does my housework!

Cravings:  Today I am craving scones super bad.  The past few days it's been disgusting fatty spicy nacho's from the gas station.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  Also fruit.  I can't get enough fruit and thank heavens we live in Arizona.

Symptoms:  I could copy this straight from last week.  I'm so nauseous and so tired all the time.  I've started the fun cramping and can't cough or sneeze too hard or else my "round ligaments" will all but tear from my body.  I can't believe, at 9 weeks, this is a problem.

Best Moment of the Week:  It's a tie between sleeping all day yesterday and having Brett take care of the house and the kids OR having Chloe pull down my sweat pants while puking.  It was really funny.  Or maybe it's a three way tie, because I also loved sitting up and talking about names with Brett.  He seemed really excited for either gender.  Love that man.  OH NO WAIT!  It's a four way tie.  I'm going to have to say finding out a good friend of mine is pregnant along with me, AGAIN.  We were pregnant together with the last pregnancy.  She hasn't announced, so I won't say anything more =)

Appointments this Week:  I have an appointment with destiny.  My dad and step-mom are coming in and Brett and I are going to get away from the children, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.  I can't wait to have some time alone with my baby daddy.

What I'm Looking Forward To:  Read above.

This Weeks Thoughts:  I'm getting anxious about all the discomforts that come later on, and I need to let go of that.  Like acid reflux.  And stretching.  And acid reflux.

Sibling Rivalry:My sister says my kids are acting out because they're reacting to the pregnancy.  They're about to react to my fist.  KIDDING!  But seriously, they have been fighting all the time, and I've had it.  I NEED MY 18 HOURS OF SLEEP PEOPLE!  So I hope this isn't them reacting to the pregnancy, because it's gonna be a looooong 7 months if it is.


Pictures From This Week: I can't find my camera, lucky you!  At times, when I'm super bloated and constipated, I look about 11 months pregnant.  But when I'm doing ok and I can still suck it in, I look as normal as ever!  Starting the next few weeks I won't be able to suck it in anymore and I'll just start having that "fat" look about me.  Oh well.  C'est la vie.  Totally worth it in the end =)

MLK Jr.'s Time Traveling Watch

So I picked the kids up from school today and was immediately regaled with stories of the brave and courageous Martin Luther King Jr.

I thought, "What an excellent time to start this discussion!"

So I asked Cohen to tell me all he knew about this American hero.

"He had a time traveling watch!"

*Jaw Drop*

Cohen informed me that in the movie they had watched, it started with a museum that was Martin's home.  And then there was THE WATCH, and it started going backwards, and all of the sudden Martin wasn't dead anymore!  He was a boy playing baseball!  Baseball was his favorite sport, mom!

Oh dear heavens.  So I gave it a try.  I talked to them about how a long time ago there were people who were mean to people who looked different.  And that if they had skin a different color, they would hurt them and sometimes kill them.  And that Martin Luther King Jr. said that wasn't fair at all.

"Do you think Martin was right?"

Simultaneously, "No."

*Pinch Nose*

"No, kids, you're not listening.  PEOPLE WERE KILLING OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY LOOKED DIFFERENT.  DO YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY?"

Kembry, "I'm hungry."

Epic fail.

But at least I learned something from all of this.  Martin Luther King, Jr. was a time traveler.  Who knew?

8 Weeks

I'm "stealing" this layout from my friend April who just had the most adorable baby. She was diligent at documenting her pregnancy, and I know it's going to be something she treasures in the future.  I wish I would have done this with the last 3.  But no time like the present!


Size of Baby: According to thebump.com, the 4th whipper snapper is the size of a raspberry and weighs a whopping 0.4 ounces.  Slow down fatty!

Total Weight Gain: Well, this is a wee bit humiliating, but despite throwing up everything I eat, I have still managed to gain 3 pounds.  That's 1/4 of my total weight gain with Chloe.

Maternity Clothes: Even though it's only been 16 months since I gave them up, I'm not wearing them. Shocking!  I long for them.  I dream of them.  But I refuse to wear them at only 8 weeks.  I know they say with each baby you "show" earlier and earlier, but I think that's just because you're already fat from the one before.  Totsy has been having some seriously great sales on way cute maternity clothes, and I'm smart enough this time around to know that it's important to feel pretty in what I wear.  So I'm splurging, even though THIS IS OUR LAST BABY EVER!

Gender: No clue.  The kids really want a boy, especially Cohen, because then it will "even things out" around here.  Kembry wants it to be a boy so that she can "have a little brother."  Which I think translates to, "Having a brother I can boss around."

Movement:  Well, according to babycenter.com and thebump.com, little tyke is moving all the time, but obviously I can't feel it.  As for me, I'm moving ALL THE TIME.  A brisk walk is just what the doctor called for to help with those intense moments of exhaustion.


Sleep:  Sleep has been interrupted by numerous pee pee breaks, intense nausea, bouts of vomiting, and of course, crazy weird baby dreams.  The other night it was a dream of a zombie baby that I kept throwing around, and I could hear it's bones breaking.  Needless to say, I'll no longer be watching "The Walking Dead" before bed.

What I Miss: I'm so happy we're having another baby, it's hard to think of anything I miss.  This was planned, but I guess I'm bummed I didn't lose that extra 400 pounds before I got knocked up.

Cravings:  Colorful vegetables, which, if you know me, is totally bizarre.  I had my first fajita with peppers in it, and it was mad delicious.  I eat tomatoes like apples, apples like apples, and pears are like currency in this house.  Tonight I'm craving stroganoff and asparagus.

Symptoms: Horrible nausea, debilitating exhaustion, throwing up until acid burns my esophagus.  You know, the usual stuff.  I'm also having a lot more cramping and constipation with this baby (you're welcome).


Best Moment of the Week: Our 8 week ultrasound.

Appointments this Week: Just our ultrasound.  If everything goes as planned and I've conquered the angry uterus, I should only be doing the regular 4 week appointments.

What I'm Looking Forward To:  This is my last pregnancy.  I've always enjoyed being pregnant.  So I'm trying hard not to wish away this last time.  So even though it sucks being sick and tired all the time, I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to it.  I'm just embracing it and letting my house go to pot in the process.

This Weeks Thoughts: My brain is busy trying to form coherent thoughts.  I'm already wondering where should we have the baby sleep and when should I put Chloe in the bunk beds.  I know we have 228 days left, but with 3 other kids and a mountain of other responsibilities, I know I won't have much time to catch up on these thoughts.


Sibling Rivalry: This will be important for me to remember.  The way the kids are.  They were old enough with Chloe to understand what was going on, and I didn't document much except for a few things in my diary. Cohen loves watching the videos on babycenter.com about the growth of the baby.  He touches my stomach and smiles and says, "It's in there now mom!  It's gonna come out soon!"  He's so excited.  I can just imagine what kind of dad he's going to be.  He may drive his wife nuts, or she may love it, but he'll be super involved.

Kembry is just ready to have someone else she can boss around, which I think is funny, because she already rules the house.  But I think when the baby comes (and she'll be 6) she'll be ready to be a big helper.  I just love her.

Pictures From This Week:  No pictures this week.  Just imagine me hanging over the toilet.

A Fun Eye Test

The Recovery of Kembry

Kembry is recovering.

We all are.

She has bouts of absolute "fineness" followed by screaming fits.

I feel bad and annoyed all at the same time.  "Use your words," I prompt her, but I only get more screams at my face. 

Cohen isn't as kind.  He's back to his old ways.  Terrorizing her every second he can.  A particularly rough teasing took place in the 2 minute drive from his school to the neighborhood market.  It was followed by with a "stern" talking to in front of strangers in the parking lot.

Don't ya just love those?

Tonight she's having night terrors.  This is following eating an undetermined amount of chewable melatonins.  It's not her fault, they do taste delicious.  I regret leaving them anywhere she may have found them.  But I don't regret the sleep she's getting, she needs it.

And her breath.  Her breath.  Her breath is death.  It's just awful.  Just awful.

Chloe is taking more and more steps, and this is so encouraging, I could cry.  She weighs like 34 pounds.  I can only take so much!

My life has been taken over by Kembry's recovery and another something, but I'll blog more about that tomorrow.  As for now, I'm watching a very light episode meant to make me laugh, and then passing out next to the best looking man in the house.  Psht, the whole neighborhood for that matter.

I know you're jealous.

Blow Torches and Tonsillectomy

I've been on a puking binge and my house directly reflects this.  Plus, I've had children home from school for two weeks...and my house directly reflects this.

It is amazing, absolutely shocking, how much mess a 5 and 6 year old can make in a few short hours.  Even if I wanted to follow them around picking up after them, which I don't, they tend to go in different directions.  So, if you've ever taken a physics class you should already know this, but it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP UP WITH THEIR MESSES.  I'd love to take a blow torch to the whole institution of house cleaning.  It's easy to vacuum up ash.

On the upside, day care, er, I mean school starts tomorrow.  Halla-freakin'-lujah.

Kembry does not go back to school tomorrow.

*Deflates happiness balloon*

She had her tonsils gently scalloped from her throat this morning.  And I have to say, IT WORKED!  I mean, c'mon, it's Kembry post surgery.  We should be hanging from the rafters in terror as she Tazmanian devils her way through the house.  But she's quiet and calm.  Slightly whiney, which was too-be-expected.

And plus, PLUS, she got up every time to go to the potty.  Let me back track...did I not mention that Kembry wets her bed?  At 5 and a half.  Her tonsils were so large that she wasn't getting enough oxygen to that mischievous little brain of hers, and therefore slept so deeply that she couldn't feel the sensation that she needed to potty.

Again, every time, under narcotics, she's gotten up to go pee pee.  I'd call that a complete success.  Totally worth the large $$$ amount we're shelling out, too.  Think of all we'll save on sanity, pull-ups, and laundry detergent.