I took a risk and left the house today to go to our family Easter party. I needed contact with the outside world, and of course, have suffered severely.
I learned something new about myself, however. While it was fine for my kids, husband, dad and step-mom to watch me suffering, I did not like it one bit when the rest of the fam showed up. In fact, it stressed me out majorly anytime I would have a contraction.
I learned that I don't like people seeing me vulnerable. What a strange problem to have. If they asked me how I'm feeling (in the hushed tones as if speaking to a person with one foot in the grave, which is what I probably looked like anyway) I would just lie and say, "Great!" In retrospect, I suppose it's like having your whole family in the delivery room, while you go without an epidural. Not fun.
So I'm back at home, nursing my new agoraphobia by myself while my husband continues the rest of the Easter Holiday rounds. Have I mentioned how much I love him?
I'm in a precarious position. My contractions are getting more painful, and lasting longer, but are still coming randomly. Sometimes only minutes apart, sometimes hours. And though my hope is that they'll still taper off by the end of this week, thus making my doctors appointment a short and pleasant one, I have a strong feeling they're here to visit for awhile. Just like relatives in the south. "I only invited you for Sunday dinner! Hit the road!"
(Happy Easter, btw. What a fabulous holiday. And how blessed are we to have Conference fall on this day? So spiritual and peaceful. I've had a much needed dose of the love of the Savior.)