Tuesday, May 15, 2012

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotion for me.  Which is hard, because...I don't love emotion.

I don't love to cry.  I don't feel better after a good cry.  I feel worse.  Worse for being "weak", worse because my eyes are swollen and gross.  Worse because I can't explain to Brett why I'm crying (I don't even know why!).

I consider today's wicked headache as the apex of this horrible hormone week, and am determined that tomorrow I will be flying high.  Tomorrow, the sun will rise for me, and  I won't curse it for making me hot and sweaty, and blinding my headache with horrible pain.

Speaking of sweaty, it's going to be 106 today.  Right now I feel cool and comfortable, not moving from my couch.  The shades are drawn, all the fans are going, and my AC is only on 78.  I feel confident that I can make it through the day in the same shirt.

Ha!  Sweat is seriously at the forefront of my mind.  Yesterday I drank 256 oz. of water and only peed once.  My lips were still dry at the end of the day.  I don't know how to stay hydrated in this desert heat.  If 256 oz of cool water can't do it, I really don't know what can, at this point.

I wrote letters to all three of my children last night.  I can't believe how big they all are. Kembry can read and Chloe is talking.  It's all so indecent!

Cohen will be 7 in a few weeks.  SEVEN.  Let that sink it.  SEVEN.  I will be mother to a boy.  Not a little boy.  A boy.  A wet-dog smelling boy.  A boy who wears black socks with shorts, boy.  A boy who thinks farts are funny.

Thankfully I can relive his babyhood once my new little boy is born.  And I will.  Oh, I will.  I'll say things like, "Cohen, when you were a baby, you would do this, too..."  Cohen will love it.  Or he'll pretend to, he's good like that.

In the meantime, in the in-between time, I'm going to take a nap.  And eat some Spaghettio's and another creamsickle.  And probably cry some more.  Why?  No idea...


Jess said...

If it makes you feel any better, I find myself wanting to cry sometimes for no reason at all, and I'm not even pregnant. Love you! Hang in there!!

Cheyenne and Seth and Co. said...

i love you. and I understand how you feel. That is, I have no idea why you feel like you do, just as I have no idea why i feel like i do :) Actually I do, your reason: Kian. Mine is a little harder to place, because I can't put a name to my emotions yet, like you can :) For today i'll call mine Benson. P.S. I love you again. P.P.S When I was in St. George I started swelling for maybe on e of the first times in all of my pregnancies, because it. was. HOT. And I thought of you. ANd hoped you would really be coming up here often. For your sake. ANd because I'm selfish and would love LOVE to sit and talk with you for hours. face to face. While our kids run trough sprinklers. What do you think?

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