Expectations

Brett has long advised me that expectations are of the devil.


I used to think this was ridiculous.  I mean, without expectations, how would anyone know what was expected of them?  Redundant, but valid.  But when you think more about Brett's crazy idea, you start to realize he's not far from the mark.  Shoot, he makes the mark.

I think I've probably pontificated on this point in the past.  So I'll just jump to my recent experience.

I was really upset with my mother-in-law.  Even though she would say how much she missed the kids, etc., she never really did anything to go about seeing them.  In a span of five weeks, she saw them twice.  I guess I started getting annoyed when her behavior didn't match her supposed disappointment.  

My anger spawned from eight years of other incidents, from her first remark upon hearing we were pregnant with our first, ("I'm not going to be a daycare!") to just flat out seeming to have no remorse for us moving to Arizona.  

BUT THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT!!  You have no idea how much that hurts my red personality to say that.

I had expectations.  I expected her to dote on her grandkids, the way my family did.  I expected her to want to go out of her way to see them.  I expected her to throw herself prostrate on the floor when we told her we were moving.  And because I had these expectations, each time she didn't live up to them I was extremely disappointed.

Of course I complained to Brett.  That's why God invented husbands.  It's true.  It's in the Bible...in the very back.

And then he reminded me that I was placing a lot of unrealistic expectations on my mother-in-law.  With many rolls of the eyes and deep prayer, I realized, he was, yet again, right.  (I really hate it when he's right.)

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting it to come out different."

So I did something different: I stopped expecting.  And an amazing thing happened.

I started feeling really sorry for her.  I started to realize how much it would hurt once we were gone, for her.  And if she felt that remorse when we were gone, I'd feel really sad.

"Shoot for the stars and hope for the moon."

I couldn't change her attitude, but I could change mine.

I started doing service for her.

I started praying for her instead of about her.

It's amazing how Heavenly Father can change a heart.  I think Brett was joking when he said, "Expectations are of the devil," but I really think they are.  What a clever way to wedge important relationships.

So much "hurt, heartache and sorrow" come from having expectations of other people.  Expecting them to be the perfect husband, the ideal housewife, the doting child.  The caring boss, the inspiring teacher, the friend who will tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to hear.

Brett often does the dishes in the morning.  I never ask him to.  I never expect him to.  If he doesn't do them, then I do.  But every time he does do them, I want to kiss him until my lips go numb.  I'm so grateful for his service to me, it almost overwhelms me.

I have a friend who has an "arrangement" with her husband that he has to do the dishes.  I notice they're always fighting about it.  He never does them at the right time, or doesn't do them the right way.  The expectation is there, and even when it's met, it's done with resentment on both sides.

The only person who has any right to expect anything from anyone is our Savior, and he doesn't even do that.  Instead, he did for us what we should all do for each other in place of expectations.  He gave us service.  He gave us love.  He gave us kind direction.  

As in all things, he's the perfect example.  

John 13:34 "A new commandment I give you.  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Two Week Count Down

My dad cried three different times tonight.  He says he's in denial, but his tears say otherwise.

My Kembry is sick, but my mom still insisted she spend the night at Grandma's house.  There are so few left they get to do that =(

Chloe is going to be one in exactly one month.  Do not bring this up to my parents.  They're going to miss it.

I still can't believe this will be our house for only a few more days.  My step-dad came and tiled the entry way and it's so beautiful.  I wish I could use it as an excuse not to leave.

"But I haven't enjoyed the entry way long enough!!"

But Arizona pulls us.  We all know it's what we're supposed to do.  A fun little adventure.  It's just going to be hard to say goodbye!

The Nerve!!

After an E.R. visit and a trip to an orthopedic surgeons PA (which totally makes me mad) they STILL don't know what's wrong with my nerve.

So we get to do the age old torture of NERVE TESTING!  Yay!

They're also going to give me a nerve block and see if that helps get some of the feeling back in my muscles in my foot and leg.  It would be so nice to walk again.

"And if that doesn't work," says perky PA, "then we'll do surgery."

"On what?!"  I responded.

*Dumb stare*

That's what I thought.  Boy, they just loooove cutting people open.

(Honestly, I was hoping for surgery.  Like, emergency surgery, so I could have it before we moved.  Sigh, looks like I'll have to wait for AZ.)

I'm on too many drugs to come up with a "I've got nerve" jokes.  Sorry.  So please, leave all your hilarious joke ideas in my comment box, where I can laugh at them through my Percocet induced coma.  Thank you so much.

Did You Think to Pray?

Last Sunday was Fast Sunday.  While in June I knew exactly what I needed and wanted to fast for, this month my mind and spirit was overrun with thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes in the midst of these overwhelming and cloudy emotions, it's hard to see the obvious answer.  But as always, Heavenly Father gave me the obvious answer.

I knelt down and prayed for guidance, because I knew that He knew what I needed most, and how exactly to receive that.

The first words out of my mouth were, "Help me know that I am thy daughter."

I was overcome with the emotion of the Spirit.  Happy tears filled my eyes and I was directed in my own prayer to my Father by my Father.

As I continued to pray and pour my soul out to Him, temptation was "nigh" and everything in the world seemed possible.  Not only possible, but down right easy.  Enduring to the end?  Please, I could do it standing on my head.  Parenting my children to return to their Father in Heaven: like eating a piece of pie.  Knowledge, patience, kindness, compassion...it all seemed so possible, so simple, so obvious.

Joseph Smith said something along the lines that pure intelligence is the fruit of the Spirit.  I know this is what I was feeling.  Pure intelligence.  Understanding of the plan of happiness.  Understanding and complete knowledge of my Father's love for me.

And I know I have felt this before.  Before, it was fleeting, and left me shortly after standing from prayer.  But this Sunday it stayed with me through church, after church, through Sunday dinner, all the way to bedtime where I offered a prayer of thanks for the most peaceful and wonderful Sabbath.

Of course when I woke, I had fallen from grace yet again.  But the Spirit still lingered.  My patience stretched with my children, my love grew.  I had a powerful memory of that feeling and it guides me to my knees.

I have a testimony of prayer.  It doesn't matter what religion  you are, get down on your knees and speak to  your Father.  He yearns to offer you peace even more than you desire to feel it.

Our House...In The Middle of Our Circle

My house.  My home.  Doesn't it have great curb appeal?  I think it does, and I'm not at all biased.  I love the green shutters and the green, matching door.  I love the brick and the cream siding.  I love my hanging plants Brett got me for mother's day.

 My driveway.  My garage.  My parking strip.  Sigh.

Oh dear *fist to teeth* it's almost too hard to look.

Our patio.  Many a fab BBQ's had here.  

Our trampoline in the ground.  Best ever.

Our hammock.  A few weeks ago in the evening, after the kids were all gone to bed, Brett and I lounged out here under the Russian Olive tree.  It was so peaceful and wonderful.  Then it got better when Cohen sneaked out and laid with us.

Our garden.  I won't get to harvest the corn, beans, melons or weeds.  

All those rocks came from our back yard when we dug it up.  It makes for a great rock wall.  The best.

I love our house.

This kitchen took three months and all of the Harry Potter series on CD to finish.  I sanded and stained those cabinets myself.

I love our little baker's counter.  Normally covered in crap that I have NO IDEA where to put.  Today, covered in a KitchenAid and bananas.  Our kitchen is so empty right now, it echos.  I hate it.

Our living room and cozy fireplace.  I love it in the winter when I put garland covered in twinkle lights all over it, and hang out stockings with care.  Oh man, this hurts.

Our soon-to-be-Farrs' piano.  And you see that green door?  I brought 3 brand new babies through that door.

I love our bedroom.  I love the chair rail, I love the colors we chose to paint.  I love my Ikea bed spread and my ginormous $60 mirror.  I love the orange flowers that Cheyenne gave me; one for each week left of my pregnancy with Chloe.

It really comes in handy having a step-dad who owns his own tiling business.  Our bathroom was the first remodel of the house and I love LOVE it.  

I love my bathtub.  It's made for soaking.  It has arm rails to rest your arms and it slopes in the back for optimum soaking pleasure.

That's travertine tile there on the floor.  It's gorgeous.  And you don't have to worry about 6 gallons of water spilling on it when the kids play in the tub.  

I just love the backsplash Brett picked out for our kitchen.

This is an amazing house.  The trees outside cast the most beautiful colors throughout the house when the sun is setting.  I can send the kids out into the circle and neglect them for hours knowing they're safe.  We have the most amazing neighbors that have become best friends, and the best ward ever.  And when it snows, everything outside glows.  

I hope I  remember everything about this house and our neighborhood...and just everything.

Goodbye, sweet home.

I wanted to make this post to help sell our house, but I just can't stop crying.  It doesn't help that Brett just flew away, the photographer came and took pictures and our house is officially listed, and that Aunt Flo is visiting (uninvited, yet again.)  I just love our home.  I wanted to have Kembry's wedding reception in the back yard.  I couldn't wait for the basement to be finished and have a giant play room for the kids.  I couldn't wait to host a Thanksgiving dinner here when our kids were all grown and I had grandbabies.  I have to stop now.

Man, it's going to be so freaking hard to say goodbye to this home.

Also Something Randomly Hilarious and Embarrassing

So you all probably read my previous previous post about Kembry's break of dawn vomit/diarrheathon.

Well, as I was brushing my teeth this morning, I looked down on the bathroom rug and noticed some dark splatter.  I asked Cohen, "Did you have a bloody nose last night?"  (A common occurance.)

"Yeah, I did."

So I continue brushing my teeth.

Kembry walks by and says, "EUW!  Mom, you're standing in my poo!"

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!  I'm sorry, even though it was my foot, I still think that's hilarious!!

(BTW, afterwards Cohen said, "Oh yeah, I didn't have a bloody nose last night."  Oh man, gotta love kids.)

Stinky Onion

So my dad turned me on to a website called TheOnion.com.

It was hilarious.

I went to it the other day and read a headline something along the lines of "Prince and Kate divorce after 5 months of marriage."

I was so upset!  And I don't even really care for most thing British aside from their literature and sometimes attractive accents.  And Big Ben.  And Westminster.  And how they make my smile look a lot prettier than fellow Americans.  Okay, so basically I'm just not big into the royalty part.  I don't even understand why they still have royalty.

Totally off subject.

Anyway, obviously it's a farce.  I can't believe I fell for it.  I really need to go back to school.  I'm dumbening.

Wait...is that a word?

Night One

Brett left yesterday for another two week stint in Arizona.  I'm getting used to it.  Well, as "used to it" as a woman can get being left alone with three adorable terrors.

Normally my biggest problem when Brett is gone: sleeping.  I just can't sleep without his sharp elbows stabbing into my spine.  Awww, sweet stabbing pains, where would I be without you?

Awake, that's where.  But luckily I had a horrible migraine-imitating-meningitis on Friday, so I have a bottle of valium, and I have to say, it really helps my sleep situation.  I wish I could say the same for the headache.

10:00 rolled around last night and I was O-U-T. 

Unfortunately, 3:00 A.M. rolled around and a blood curdling scream ripped through my sweet subconscious (I was dreaming I was Samwise and I was helping Frodo climb the Rocky Mountains...it was actually a nice dream).  Kembry comes running into my bedroom with a horrible stomach ache.

Now while this little girl has a knack for the drama, I could tell something was horribly wrong.  So after a trip to the bathroom (bad diarrhea, you're welcome) she came to lay and moan in bed with me.  I kept my hand on her belly because she said it felt good.  Then I felt some bubbles, so I decided to massage them the way you do to a babies belly to help move them alone.

I pushed down and massaged them, let go, and whoa she screamed like a Banshee.

Only one thing could cause that much referred pain.  The Appendix.

Sure enough, she had a fever.  Instead of calling 911 like I really wanted to do, I just laid with her.  She fell asleep in my arms.  I watched her sleep for two hours until 5 o'clock, she woke up and puked all over my bed.

"I feel much better mom!"  she said, and hopped off to bed.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

So now I had to wash my sheets, and I got stuck out on the couch, too tired to remake the bed.

This was followed by horrible dreams of my house burning down with Chloe inside and Brett telling me he was having an affair with several different women.

Yay for Brett being in Arizona!

Kill me now.

It's definitely a Big Gulp kind of morning.

Count Your Blessings...

...name them one by one.

Brett works from home two days a week.  I love that he can do this.  Even if I don't see him the whole time, just knowing he's home, getting to eat lunch with him, and lying in late makes it ultra special.

Count your blessings....

Chloe's world revolves around me (and bottles).

See what God has done...

Cohen asked me the other day what "about" meant.  I explained to him the different things about can mean as were driving past a construction site.
"Oh, so it's like those people building a building.  It's the same word, but it's different."
I love my smart boy.

Count your many blessings...

I had been super stressed about moving and so on fast Sunday Brett and I fasted for the same thing: help organizing our pitiful thoughts.  I woke up Monday morning and everything came into place.  The power of fasting and praying is an untapped source of constant guidance and blessings.

Name them one by one...

Our little neighbor and Cohen's side kick in terror has been coming over a lot lately.  It's been awesome for him to have someone to totally "boy out" with.  Even Kembry loves having him over.  But even greater: sometimes they go to HIS house.  Woot!

Count your many blessings see what God has done...

I'm grateful we prayed as a family about our big move.  I know it is because of this reason that none of us have had a major break down as we've been packing and planning.  I pray this blessing will continue...because if they don't, there isn't enough Xanax laced in Prozac dipped in chocolate that could calm me down.

Presidential Confusion

I think trying to vote for a President is a lot like coming back from a relationship where you were cheated on.

You know, you hear the girls saying things like, "I just really have trust issues right now.  My ex boyfriend, I mean, he really loved me, he told me all the time.  But he was addicted to sex with his secretary.  So, I feel really vulnerable right now."

Meanwhile the dude she's on a date with has those little cartoon money signs in his eyes.

I think we've been a bit cheated on by President Bush, and a little bit by President Obama.  We're all struggling with trust issues right now.

So President Bush got us into a pile of doody the likes of which I don't know any sane person who would want to swim out of.  But apparently Obama did.  Good for him, I guess...

But it takes a long time to swim out of tall piles of doody.  I have three children, I know.  However, it's for these exact reasons I don't think presidential candidates should give promises like, Ï'm going to stop this war in Iraq!  I'm going to FIX OUR ECONOMY!  I'M GOING TO GET THIS COUNTRY OUT OF DEBT!  And a space shuttle for every family!"

I like President Obama.  I think he was left with quite the after-party mess to clean up.  I think it's going to take more than one term.  I think I would like to see him stay in office.  I'd like to give him a second chance.  I think he could really make me happy.  And perhaps he'll propose on a romantic walk on the beach...

NOW, what about this Mitt Romney fellow?  I'm a fellow Mormon, and so I feel some small obligation to be all "GO MITT!", but something about him reminds me of that rebound dude.  Remember, the one with money signs in his eyes?

I feel a little burned by broken promises from President Obama.  Even though I knew realistically some of his promises were far fetched, he really made me burn inside for change.  I haven't really felt much change.  I still think the war in Iraq is an incredibly frivolous thing for a country in so much debt to be participating in.  But I also feel like some headway has been made with our economy.  I see that he has a fervor for change.  I think it's dangerous to flip the coin because things aren't happening fast enough.  And on the other side of the coin we have Ol' Mitt.

I dunno...on paper, he's pretty great.  He has a knack for saving failing companies from bankruptcy.  He did well as a Governor, keeping the budget safe from falling into a deficit (this really excites me, because I think that's what we, as a nation, ought to focus on.)    He doesn't dye his gray hair.  He looks the part of a President, doesn't he? 

Plus, he doesn't down play his religion like some other disappointing people (Ehem, John Huntsman, I'm insulting you, here.).  I think this shows character.  It would be very easy for him to downplay his religion.  It's not like the majority of US voters are LDS.  Quite the contrary.

So, what to do what to do?  Many of you are probably wondering why I'm worrying about this now.  But for those of you who really know me, you know it takes a long time for me to make a decision.  Plus, I really should have been born a Libra.

Anyway, what are your thoughts?  Who are you leaning towards?