I like to think I am a woman of faith.
But, through a series of confessions to my husband, I realize, I am a woman of pride.
Somehow I let it slip that, of all the many things I've prayed to the Lord for in these past million weeks, including the ability to endure and keep a positive attitude, I have yet to pray for my contractions to stop.
My poor husbands face clearly reflected what he was thinking. "You mean, this whole time I've been hauling around kids to grandparents, and washing dishes, and doing laundry, and scrubbing toilets, and rubbing your fat feet...all this time, you could've been praying for and asking for some relief?!"
Okay, maybe he didn't really think this, but it's what I would think. He was a little shocked. He knows how much I rely on prayer and how important it's always been to me.
He was patient, calm, and gave me some excellent advice to help soothe my pride and rev up my faith.
First, he said, read the Book of Mormon, by yourself. This is a big deal for me. I rely heavily on Brett to help me understand the scriptures. He has an amazing talent to teach the scriptures, and I love it! It takes out the dirty work of me having to try to interpret and understand them for myself. Yuck.
So maybe the dude has a point.
Second, he reminded me of the scripture about the Brother of Jared, who asked the Lord to light the stones. He reminded me how surprised the Brother of Jared was when he saw the finger of the Lord, and how he went further and asked to see His whole body. But more importantly, that the Lord showed himself to the Brother of Jared. The Lord works through our faith, and is anxious to answer our prayers.
Then he asked how I felt. I had to admit that, while I really hate these contractions and all the worry that surrounds them, I just feel a little sheepish asking the Lord to take away pain when I know I am able to endure it because he has blessed me to endure it. My red personality screamed that I can handle this, and I don't need to bother Heavenly Father about it.
Brett then patiently reminded me, "Even Christ asked that the cup pass from Him."
Talk about a spiritual slap in the face.
Needless to say, I've been reading my scriptures, by myself, and have started down the trek of letting go of my pride.
One thing that he said that has really stuck with me is that faithful children of God can expect miracles from Him. Would it be a miracle for my contractions to stop? In my simple mind, yes. I'm not big into moving mountains.
But I also know I only have 5 1/2 to 8 weeks left of this particular trial. I've learned a lot, especially patience and trust, and I think Brett has learned a lot too. While I am a bit ashamed that I haven't had the faith to ask for divine intervention, I am grateful for the things we've learned. For one thing, our marriage can withstand a lot of below-the-belt punches. I wouldn't trade the pain and risk losing that wisdom for anything. But perhaps it's time I let go of my pride and ask for a little more help...