Phase One:
*Sniff Sniff* Argh, stupid allergies. Pop a Benadryl, call it good.
2 Hours Later...
*Sniff HACK Sniff* Ugh, nasal drainage. Imma gonna go soak in the hot shower, open up these sinuses. That outta do it.
20 Minutes Later...
*Throw self on bed, naked, still draped in a towel, soaking wet*
I think I'm sick.
Phase Two:
That night...
*HACK HACK SNORT SNIFF SNIFF GAG HACK SNORT SNIFF*
Honey, honey...wake up, I think you need to blow your nose. *SNOOOOOORT*
*PPhhhhhhhTTTT*
*HACK*
The next day...no time frame...time is suspended in a haze of pain and moaning...
Stream of conscience...
I can't move. My body hurts everywhere, I can't move. I'm dying. I have to move, my body hurts everywhere. Maybe if I roll over...OWEEE, nevermind. Maybe if I adjust the pillow...oh no, no don't move. I can't move. My body hurts everywhere, I can't move. Kill me now. Oh won't somebody please kill me now. I can't open my mouth to beg for death. Oh the agony. Aaagggooonnyy!!!
Rinse and repeat.
Phase Three:
Later, at the $80 doctors appointment...
"Oh yes, yes, you have a sinus infection. Probably something viral. I hate you, so I'm going to give you a crappy antibiotic, but don't worry, I'm giving you a refill because I know one 10 day dose isn't going to be enough. Flu? Noooo, it's not the flu. 104 fever is totally normal for a virus. Just something viral. Something for your cough that made you throw up today? I don't think that's necessary. It's just a virus. Still, take this second line antibiotic and don't call me in the morning."
Phase Four:
Five days into the seventh circle of Hades...
*Cough HACK HACK Cough* Ugh, but I'm down to half a dose of ibuprofen, only three doses of Tylenol. Still popping the Benadryl and antihistamines like they're crack, but I'm improving.
*HACK HACK HACK*
Phase Five:
Ten days and one full dose of antibiotics later...
*Sniff Sniff* Bah! Dang allergies...
And it begins again...
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