Friday, March 05, 2010

Confessions of a Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Mother

Things I swear I don't say, but obviously do:

"Freaking children!"  Courtesy of Kembry.

"What the hell?!"  Courtesy of Cohen (this has been remedied, I swear.  I mean, an oath.  I don't swear swear.  Well, obviously I said this one, and enough to encourage my four year old to parrot me.  I'm going to go and drown in a coke now...pregnant.)

"M-O-N-K-E-Y.  Monkey.  Monkey!  Haha, that's your name Kembry."  Wow, thanks Cohen.  In my defense, you look like a monkey, you act like a monkey, you ocassionally smell like a monkey (the girls got a serious funk) I call you a monkey.  Or Bermuda Butt. 

"I think I'm relaxing mom.  I am relaxing.  Just let me relax, mom."  Relax away, son, relax away.

With her tiny little hand in my face, "Just leave me alone mom."  She's THREE!  Lord, please help me in the next 27 years.  Please be by my side, showering oodles and gads of patience upon me.  Please bind my hands behind my back.  Please glue my lips shut.  Please help my eye stop twitching.

And, my favorite.  "Oh, my back just hurts.  I need to lay down."  Aww, Kembry, my little actress.

See, kind of monkey-sih
#3, what will you bring?


The Porters said...

Love it! Now I don't feel like I'm the only one corrupting my child :D

The Finlinsons said...

Amen! I totally don't recognize that I say things...until little Eden picks up on them. Dang it all! (oh, that's one of them that she's copied before...)

Kelly said...

Oh, Bethany. I would give anything to have the worst thing I've said in front of the kids be "Dang it all!" Haha, I think I may adopt that! Don't you love little kids? They provide very eye opening opportunities. They're very realistic mirrors.

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