Monday, October 04, 2010
For the past seven weeks I have been behind on my domestic duties.
But I don't get paid, so I really shouldn't care!
Regardless, I've been behind, and it's been gnawing on my sense of well-being. It's hard to get anything done when I have to stop and nurse every hour, and during that brief twenty minutes (please hear the sarcasm) my darling Kembry manages to destroy any progress I've made. She's got a talent, that one.
And so I started getting a little resentful. Lack of sleep and sore nipples can do that to a person. I started resenting my obligations, my daughter, and even Chloe. The ironic thing is that I resented my obligations because I so much just wanted to sit and hold my baby and play with Kembry, and I resented the two of them because they were keeping me from getting my work done.
The mind of a woman is a scaaaary place, my friends.
Needless to say, this issue and guilt have been a major part of my prayers lately. Please let me be able to accomplish something today. Please let me get a chance to hold and coddle my baby. Please help me be a better mother to Cohen and Kembry.
And last night Brett answered my prayers. No, he didn't scrub the house from top to bottom while I cooed and cawed over Chloe (dang!) But he said something that made the dim light bulb hovering over my head glow like the evening star.
Essentially he said there are priorities in life. There are so many important things that you have to prioritize. And he said, "Chloe is our number one priority." (Note that he said OUR number one priority, not your number one priority. I love that man.)
He asked me, "When you're an old woman, are you going to look back and think, 'I wish I would've done more dishes!' or will you say, 'I wish I held my babies more. I wish I had played with my children more.'"
Well that's about the easiest way to prioritize I've ever heard of. This morning, with a pile of dishes waiting for me since Saturday, laundry that needs to be put away, and a piano that needs dusting, I sat and held my baby and read my scriptures. I felt zero guilt, zero anxiety, zero stress. It was the perhaps one of the most peaceful mornings I've had in a long time.
And while I know I'll have to eventually put Chloe down and stop playing with Kembry to do the dishes, my day has already been a successful one.