As it is December "something", and there are only *cough* days left to the blessed event, and the Neff's are still about doing this and that, and absolutely nothing they should be doing, it's been decided since the only people in our lives who would read a Christmas letter from us probably read this blog, so we're posting our happenings from the year, instead of "stimulating" the economy, and spending pointless amounts of money on cards and postage.
It's been a great year for the Neff's! The backyard is finally on the mud infested road to having grass, and as it is currently covered in a beautiful layer of white cold stuff, we're pretending that there already is grass, under which we're pretending there are rows and rows of pipe that will eventually, in our pretend world, water our non-existent grass. It's all very exciting.
Cohen has grown two feet and no longer resembles the scrawny 6 lb babe Kelly gave birth to three years ago. In fact, he's looking more and more like his fair skinned, red-headed father every day, which has in turn caused us to cancel the DNA testing and our impending appearance on the Maury Povich show. Bummer. Potty training was successful, and we've sent off to NASA to inform them to keep a look out for our sons resume in the next couple of years, due to his pure genius in understanding that you LIFT UP the lid before you pee, and PUT IT BACK DOWN when you're done.
Kembry can't read yet, and by the time she can, this letter will be long gone and she can't hurt any of us. Kembry has grown an amazing talent at "Ooohing" and "Ahhing" the crowds before she attacks. It's really quite interesting, if you're allowed to watch, but as a participant, it's terrifying and gives us all nightmares. She hasn't grown much, though size matters little when manipulation is involved. She's got all her granddads wrapped around her tiny little fingers, and somehow has the strength to chuck them across the room if that so happens to be where the candy is. She's very smart and can speak well, and enjoys giving us warnings before her little attacks, such as "I will poke you in the eye now." "I will throw my spoon at you now," and so on and so forth. Brett is determined to potty train Kembry, 2 years old, and she is determined to wear pull ups, and that's as far as it goes. We're contacting NASA to inform them that we have a rare species and they are welcome to take it and study it in their facilities, in Florida, which we feel is far enough away to give us time to heal from recent wounds. Terrible twos anyone?
Brett has finished a semester in school, and his study habits are as unimpressive as we're all sure they were in High School, but still he manages straight A's. Kelly's a little irritated at this fact, but only because she falls far from that bar. He still works at RxAmerica, saving the world money one prescription error at a time. He loves his job, and finally got his first employee! Poor lady. Summer Saturday's are still spent annihilating the annoying beast called the spider, and avoiding doing the fun stuff, like mowing the lawn and trimming the hedges. Brett continues with his calling as Gospel Doctrine teacher, forcing poor unsuspecting souls to read scripture out loud, thus eliminating the tiresome task for himself. He loves being a father, and teaching the kids to sword fight and "Kung Fu".
Kelly continues on the downward spiral to death by catching any and all contagious diseases that may surround her, though Brett is starting to consider that maybe she just has a crush on their doctor, and maybe they're planning to run away in the boat the Neff's most recently paid for with the onset of Mono. She is still working at Franklin Covey, and still struggling to grasp the teachings of the Seven Habits that would thus release all stress in her life. The house continues as a yo-yo of clean, dirty, clean, dirty, but the Spirit abounds, and happiness is all around, and enforced regularly with shock collars. She loves being a mother and wife, and can't wait for a third child!
Harley, Moe and Zoe have managed to survive another year without being escorted, via gun to the head, to the pound. This mostly is due to laziness on the part of Brett and Kelly, and the adorableness of Cohen and Kembry, who love "snuggling" with the cats, and pulling their tails and poking their eyes.
We wish you all a Merry Christmas, and remind you to please not buy Kembry anything with sharp edges, or anything that can burn or be turned into a weapon of any kind.
Love you all!