Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Confessions of the Ever Downward Spiraling Psychotic Housewife

Brett caught me narrating my life out loud last night, and I'd just like to take this moment to brag about what a cute husband I have.

Kelly: The kids, ignoring further pleads to listen to their mother, continued screaming, running around the living room in stinky diapers that she had begged her husband to change 20 different times and still he hasn't and ...
Brett: Are you narrating again?
Kelly: *deer caught in the headlights look* Um, er, no?
Brett: Do you need touch?

*Side note: I am a touch personality. I really respond to people touching me, as in handshakes and hugs and such. When I'm really stressed, and start narrating my life out loud to my piano, Brett has this uncanny way of de-stressing me through touch. Gross, don't be dirty. I mean rubbing my shoulders, playing with my hair, giving my cheek a kiss, that sort of stuff.

I have just about the greatest husband. He reads me like a book. And no matter what language I'm speaking that day, be it crazy housewife about to go on a shooting rampage, or cuddly-kissy-huggy-wife, or soppy-cry-baby-come-and-give-me-a-hug-mommy, he almost always knows what to do to make me smile.

And he knows that if I put in Gone with the Wind or City of Angels, I'm probably needing a good cry, and he respectfully leaves me alone.

And he knows that if I've worked really hard to clean the house, he attempts to help by making the bed in the morning, without ever having to be asked.

And when the kids are cleaning up he sings the cute "Clean Up" song about forty times, and it's the cutest thing in the world.

And he knows when I get that crazy look in my eyes to quickly grab the children and run out the nearest exit to safety. I appreciate this.

And he knows better than any man in the world how to avoid the "Am I fat?" questions. Seriously, the man should teach seminars in how to get out of these potentially dangerous conversations.

And in case he reads this, he also knows how to really piss me off. (Don't want him getting too big of a head!)

Thanks honey. You're by far the greatest husband in the world, hands down, no bet, without a doubt.

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