10. Financial arguments
9. Infidelity
8. Using up the Text Messages
7. Deleting TIVO
6. Erasing licenses on Mario Cart
5. "Accidental" WII remote injuries
4. Changing the automated seat memory in the car
3. Sewing up holes in designer jeans
2. Obama VS McCain
And the top reason your marriage may end this year:
HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR (and don't mess with the Netflix Queue!)
Kelly Out
The kids got it, but mom loves it.
Do you have it?
If so, could you please give it back? I need it.
Yesterday I made a detailed last-minute shopping list. On this list I wrote down all the places I needed to go, whose gifts would be located at these places etc.
Despite this list, I kept forgetting why I was where I was.
If it wasn't for Brett sitting next to me, who could almost decipher my markings, I would've ended up in Alaska running for Governor.
So please don't be offended if I see you in the mall this season, and have a whole conversation with you, and still don't remember your name.
I don't even remember mine.
Happy Christmas-Eve Eve.
Casandra out.
Wait, that didn't sound right…
Oh well.
This beautiful, freezing weather always begins the assault of car accidents, and in consequence some wicked traffic..
Brett and I always look at minor accident victims on the side of the road and say things like, "Sheesh, haven't you lived here long enough to know you need to slow down."
Or "Golly, you cotton-headed-ninny-muggins, don't you know ice is slippery?"
But our favorite is, "Gee-willickers, you nut-cracker, don't you know if you're sliding on ice to push lightly on the accelerator and turn the wheel slightly?"
Well, this, of course, is against every natural instinct in our body and mind. What? You want me to speed up? But I'm already sliding into my early grave!!
Yes, crazy person. I want you to go against your natural instincts.
Brett and I often preach this, and last night we had the chance to PRACTICE what we PREACH. Yuck. We're big on "Do as I say, not as I do." Oh well, worth a try.
So as Cohen was overly-tired and had ingested more than his legal limit in cookies and hot-chocolate at our annual "Polar Express Party," he was screaming and writhing and ready to attack when Brett tried to say his prayers with him. So Brett walked out. I mean what else can ya do? You're walking into an early grave if you stay.
And then, as happens once every 6 years, I had a thought. "What if we went against our natural instincts, and instead of ignoring him, did the complete opposite of what we want to do and hug him…or something?"
Can I just say, that did wonders? And it worked on Kembry too, who was half asleep moaning, "Cohen, my Cohen is crying. My Cohen is sad." Well, if that doesn't just break your heart.
Anyway, moral of the story here, GO AGAINST YOUR INSTINCTS SOMETIMES! Natural man is an enemy to God, my friend. And I surely know that I (naturally) am.
Have a lovely, wintery day and remember: if you start sliding, SPEED UP! I've done it like twelve times already this year, and it's flippin' awesome! As in not getting into a car accident and ruining your whole Christmas season awesome. Awesome.
Kelly Out
TOP 10 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009 |
|
| TOP 10 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2008 |
1. Get out of debt or save money | 1. Get out of debt or save money | ||
2. Lose weight | 2. Lose weight | ||
3. Develop a healthy habit (e.g. healthy eating, exercise) | 3. Develop a healthy habit (e.g. exercise or healthy eating) | ||
4. Get organized | 4. Get organized | ||
5. Spend more time with family and friends | 5. Develop a new skill or talent | ||
6. Develop a new skill or talent | 6. Spend more time with family and friends | ||
7. Work less, play more | 7. Other | ||
8. Other | 8. Work less, play more | ||
9. Break an unhealthy habit (e.g. smoking, alcohol, overeating) | 9. Break an unhealthy habit (e.g. smoking, alcohol, overeating) | ||
10. Change employment | 10. Change employment |
My new year's resolution: Do not cry when my children lose more and more baby fat and speak in full sentences. You may think this is not a worthy goal, but for me, and my family, this is, indeed, and important thing for me to work on.
Give me a moment, I just remembered my sons baby cheek fat has most recently disappeared, and that my daughter is speaking in full sentences.
Hey, it's a NEW YEAR resolution. It's still 2008…leave me alone.
What are your New Years goals? I'm very curious to know what people want to improve upon…
The survey polled 508 customers and found that the holidays cause stress for 85 percent of respondents and leave nearly 60 percent feeling unfulfilled and regretful when they are over.
As in past years, respondents were asked to rank the following holiday activities from most stressful to least stressful. Money, gift-giving and health still topped the list, but managing workload to take time off reclaimed a place in the top three after dropping to number eight last year.
2008's Top 10 Most Stressful Holiday Activities | 2007's Top 10 Most Stressful Holiday Activities |
1. Spending too much money 2. Deciding what gift to buy for whom 3. Managing workload to take time off 4. Taking care of physical well-being 5. Not enough time to shop 6. Not enough time for events 7. Sending gifts and cards on time 8. Creating a specific holiday budget 9. Decorating for or hosting and holiday party 10. Maintaining relationships with family, friends and co-workers | 1. Spending too much money 2. Deciding what gift to buy for whom 3. Sending gifts and cards on time 4. Taking care of physical well-being 5. Not enough time to shop 6. Not enough time for events 7. Decorating for or hosting a holiday party 8. Managing workload to take time off 9. Maintaining relationships with family, friends and co-workers 10. Creating a specific holiday budget |
Hi. My name is Kelly and "I have to admit." Okay, I realize that's an inside joke, but those who get it are rolling on the floor right now. Anywho…
I have to admit that though I do feel some of these stresses, especially number 2, there is only one real stress I feel that cannot be helped (because I'm an idiot) and is not on this list (or on any other list of that matter.)
I miss lost time. And knowing that because I'm a stubborn oaf, a lot of the lost time I'm groaning about now is my own fault. I miss time I could have spent with friends that are no longer my friends. I'm thinking of only one particular friend this Holiday, and I've thought about her so much lately that I've *gasp* even dialed her number on my cell phone, only to quickly push the red phone button, thus ending any possibility of reconciliation. This is the longest I've gone without this friend. It's hard. It's frustrating. And most of all, it's lost time that is so stupid and pointless, that I just want to kick myself in the face (miraculous feat! Or feet. Stupid Pun. Moving on.)
"Do not squander time, for it is the stuff life is made of." Um. Mr. Ashley's sign on his property in Gone with the Wind. Watch it. Love it.
"I do not say doubt, but hope." Mr. Knightley, Emma by Jane Austen
Anyway, to this friend, if you're reading this, I'm sure you know who you are. I miss you. Have a Merry Christmas.
As it is December "something", and there are only *cough* days left to the blessed event, and the Neff's are still about doing this and that, and absolutely nothing they should be doing, it's been decided since the only people in our lives who would read a Christmas letter from us probably read this blog, so we're posting our happenings from the year, instead of "stimulating" the economy, and spending pointless amounts of money on cards and postage.
Enjoy.
It's been a great year for the Neff's! The backyard is finally on the mud infested road to having grass, and as it is currently covered in a beautiful layer of white cold stuff, we're pretending that there already is grass, under which we're pretending there are rows and rows of pipe that will eventually, in our pretend world, water our non-existent grass. It's all very exciting.
Cohen has grown two feet and no longer resembles the scrawny 6 lb babe Kelly gave birth to three years ago. In fact, he's looking more and more like his fair skinned, red-headed father every day, which has in turn caused us to cancel the DNA testing and our impending appearance on the Maury Povich show. Bummer. Potty training was successful, and we've sent off to NASA to inform them to keep a look out for our sons resume in the next couple of years, due to his pure genius in understanding that you LIFT UP the lid before you pee, and PUT IT BACK DOWN when you're done.
Kembry can't read yet, and by the time she can, this letter will be long gone and she can't hurt any of us. Kembry has grown an amazing talent at "Ooohing" and "Ahhing" the crowds before she attacks. It's really quite interesting, if you're allowed to watch, but as a participant, it's terrifying and gives us all nightmares. She hasn't grown much, though size matters little when manipulation is involved. She's got all her granddads wrapped around her tiny little fingers, and somehow has the strength to chuck them across the room if that so happens to be where the candy is. She's very smart and can speak well, and enjoys giving us warnings before her little attacks, such as "I will poke you in the eye now." "I will throw my spoon at you now," and so on and so forth. Brett is determined to potty train Kembry, 2 years old, and she is determined to wear pull ups, and that's as far as it goes. We're contacting NASA to inform them that we have a rare species and they are welcome to take it and study it in their facilities, in Florida, which we feel is far enough away to give us time to heal from recent wounds. Terrible twos anyone?
Brett has finished a semester in school, and his study habits are as unimpressive as we're all sure they were in High School, but still he manages straight A's. Kelly's a little irritated at this fact, but only because she falls far from that bar. He still works at RxAmerica, saving the world money one prescription error at a time. He loves his job, and finally got his first employee! Poor lady. Summer Saturday's are still spent annihilating the annoying beast called the spider, and avoiding doing the fun stuff, like mowing the lawn and trimming the hedges. Brett continues with his calling as Gospel Doctrine teacher, forcing poor unsuspecting souls to read scripture out loud, thus eliminating the tiresome task for himself. He loves being a father, and teaching the kids to sword fight and "Kung Fu".
Kelly continues on the downward spiral to death by catching any and all contagious diseases that may surround her, though Brett is starting to consider that maybe she just has a crush on their doctor, and maybe they're planning to run away in the boat the Neff's most recently paid for with the onset of Mono. She is still working at Franklin Covey, and still struggling to grasp the teachings of the Seven Habits that would thus release all stress in her life. The house continues as a yo-yo of clean, dirty, clean, dirty, but the Spirit abounds, and happiness is all around, and enforced regularly with shock collars. She loves being a mother and wife, and can't wait for a third child!
Harley, Moe and Zoe have managed to survive another year without being escorted, via gun to the head, to the pound. This mostly is due to laziness on the part of Brett and Kelly, and the adorableness of Cohen and Kembry, who love "snuggling" with the cats, and pulling their tails and poking their eyes.
We wish you all a Merry Christmas, and remind you to please not buy Kembry anything with sharp edges, or anything that can burn or be turned into a weapon of any kind.
Love you all!
The Neff's
"On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me..."
1 embarrassing moment: Swimming party 6th grade. A *boy* who will remain nameless undid my FIRST BIKINI top. When I jumped out of the pool and tried to run into the house, I ran into the glass sliding door.
2 best friends: Brett and Tanya
3 things you buy regularly: Milk, Eggs, Milk
4 places you want to go (and might actually REALLY go): Six Flags, snowboarding, New York City
5 goals for the upcoming year: Stay organized! Lose ___ lbs. Finish basement. Get a trampoline. Convince Brett to have another child.
6 things most people don't know about me: 1. I read three or four books at a time. 2. Speaking of books, I hate finishing books I really love, because I feel like I'm losing friends. 3. I hate crying in front of people, especially Brett. 4. I would watch Christmas movies all year if Brett didn't stare at me like I was a freak and make fun of me. 5. I embarrass myself on a daily basis because I don't have a filter on my mouth, but I guess most people know that by now. 6. I am a super picky eater.
7 things you would never say: 1. "That makes you look fat." 2. I'm sorry, I don't like the Olive Garden." 3. "No coke for me." 4. "Kids are annoying." 5. "I just love your 1980's bangs." (Why are these coming back in fashion?!) 6. "Let's move to Florida." 7. "You can have my coupons."
8 things you love about the Christmas season: 1. The smell of the Christmas tree. 2. Sharing my beliefs with my family. 3. Giving Presents. Brett's already opened one. 4. All the Christmas lights. 5. Hearing Cohen and Kembry sing Christmas songs. 6. The talks in Church. 7. The busyness. Call me crazy, but I think it's so fun when it's all busy and crazy everywhere! 8. The snow.
9 things you say to your kids: 1."Mommy. Mom. Mama!" In that order. 2. "I will poke you in the eye now." 3. "Mommy! Kembry said her prayer wrong!" 4. "Mom, Kembry took her shoes off. 5. "Mommy, it's dark outside, but it's not nap time." 6. "Get outta my way!" (Guess who says that!) 7. "Mommy, there are only nice monsters under my bed." 7. "Oh! Papa Tims up the hill?" 8. "What day is it? What day is it? What day is it? What day is it?" 9. "Today is Saturday, and tomorrow is Sunday and we go to Church and sing three songs and then go to NURSERY!"
10 things you do a lot: 1. Work 2. Clean 3. Laugh 4. Play 5. Cook 6. Read 7. Hang with Tan 8.Eat 9. Sleep 10. Go to the movies.
11. things you would rather not live without: 1. Brett 2. Cohen 3. Kembry 4. The Gospel 5. My mini-van 6. Modern medicine 7. Books 8. My "dry" sense of humor 9. My home 10. The mountains 11. FOOD!
12 people to tag: I don't think I know twelve people. But, here are some people I'd like to hear from! Holly, TANYA, Cheyenne, Kimby, April, Lacey, Lynsie and whoever else wants to do it!
You know what I can't stand? (Nothing good can ever come from a conversation that begins with that…so here comes nothing good!)
I can't stand when people have some epiphany that makes them think that organized religion is the devil.
Every organized religion can be of the devil, of course, I'm not denying that. Evil can be found in anything.
Off subject. Point coming to a blog near you soon…
Point: When these people go out of their way to simply do everything said religion taught them not to do just because they were told not to. I mean, we're talking about adults here people. "No, I'm going to drink this whole bottle of vodka because you told me not to. Then I'm going to have random intercourse with strangers because YOU TOLD ME NOT TO!"
Boy, that'll show them. Hangovers and STD's. Few, glad you dodged THAT bullet, dummy.
And then they traipse around saying "Vote Democratic! Vote Democratic! Because Mormon's are Republican, and we HATE Mormons!"
For people who preach that they hate preaching and blanket statements, I sort of want to write down what they're saying on a piece of paper, and shove it down their throats!
Just for a moment, for those of you who have heard my voice, just imagine me saying this. It's kind of funny.
For those of you who have never heard my voice, when solicitors call my house, they ask to speak to my mommy. Helium balloons do little to change my pitch, and glass breaks when scream. My voice hasn't changed since I was six months old.
Anyway…wow, I do feel better. Few. Like getting an annoying hypocrite off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
I'll be nice next time…maybe.
I've gotta be honest, my favorite part of Christmas is the movies.
Oh, and all the love and giving and crap.
But, if you've been living in a cave on the moon with your fingers in your ears, like I've so often suggested, then maybe you don't even KNOW what the BEST and GREATEST Christmas movies are. Maybe, just maybe, you've been waiting, down on your knees, begging and praying for SOMEONE, ANYONE to please, PLEASE tell you.
Well, I'm here.
To tell you.
That the greatest Christmas movie ever is:
Go. Watch. Enjoy. And when you've wet your pants from pure, insane laughter, think of me.
I love it when people think of me with urine in their pants.
It makes my day.
And when you're done with that, I'll tell you another one.
But I'm going to leave you yearning for it. You have to want it. You've got to need it, like air, before I'll give it to you.
Because I'm the only person in the whole wide WORLD who knows!
Well, me and the movie store guy who sold it to me. Cause I told him when I bought it. And now he knows.
And there was no urine in his pants.
Anywho…
Kelly Out
Crimes I swore I would never commit as a mother, but find myself increasingly doing:
But right now, as I type this, there is fresh bread baking in the oven, the sweet aroma wafting over my immaculate house as my children conjugate their Latin verbs and I sip homemade apple cider out of cute snowman mugs. **Hysterical laughter**
Have a lovely Wednesday…
Kelly Out
"What's the difference between a Dentist and a Sadist? Newer magazines."
-Jerry Seinfeld
Thanks Jerry, you summed it up for me.
My darling 2 year old daughter, Kembry, a.k.a. Brat-Head, a.k.a. Satan, a.k.a. Jeany-Bum, has decided that she is ABOVE wearing a diaper.
That she should be allowed to wear princess pull ups, and dispose of them at whim.
That she doesn't have to use the big girl potty, unless she doesn't actually have to potty.
That her brother is her own personal slave, and should follow behind her, picking up and throwing away said princess pull ups.
That she is queen of the house, officially usurping my pretended role.
I hate potty training.
Even more, I'm praying I only have boys from here on out.
Holding her, listening to her coo and caa and watching her smile makes the cobwebs on my uterus disappear, causes my stiff legs to unlock at the knees and begin that incessant bouncing.
Seeing this little baby makes me crave, more than ever, the feel of a small foot pressing on my bladder from the inside.
This darling little angel forces me to beg the husband for one more mouth to feed, for one more bottom to change, for one more life to destroy with my lack of mothering skills.
Ada, you rock my world girlfriend!
Oh, and Holly, you're pretty cute too.
I love Pandora.com
It makes me feel important.
If I don't like a song, it bows down low and says, "We're so sorry. Music like this will never be played again."
That's right. And don't let it happen again! Is what I say…
Okay, not really…but still, it's fun.
Kelly Out
PS
I wonder how I can train Brett and the kids to do that. "This dish wasn't washed properly!" "Yes master, it will be redone, it will never happen again."
My poor husband. I mean, that really goes without saying, he married a mad woman after all.
But this mad woman has decided to re-read Jane Austen. Poor fella. I'm reading Northanger Abbey, and when he was snippy with me last night (okay, not snippy, Brett's NEVER snippy, but he kept on persisting to get his way) I called him Mr. Thorpe.
Gasp!
What an insult, right?
Well, he had no idea…
Poor guy.
So, if there are any other Jane Austen Husbands out there, give Brett a pat on the shoulder next time you see him, nod your head, and give him a look that clearly explains you know what he's going through.
Maybe you could form a "I Hate Jane Austen Book Club".
I think Brett would volunteer to be President.
The train came by and the kids gotta go for a Thanksgiving ride...I don't know about this no lip smile thing she's doing...it's weird...
The Merkel-Myers bringing some goods. And Brandon glaring. Teenagers. Hmph.
My darling, adorable, perfect, wonderful children...3.2 seconds before they attacked each other.
The face of an angel, stuffed with some strange cheese...I think I grew up a little bit this Thanksgiving Holiday. Just a little bit. I was still more excited to see Santa than Cohen and Kembry were.
Ever since our blessed nuptials, I've been bugging Brett about our traditions, about what I wanted to do with our own little family. Like Christmas Eve stories, and Thanksgiving at our house every third year (again, I've grown up a little, I realize how incredibly STUPID that ambition was). Of all my fantastical ideas for tradition, how many have I implemented? Um...zero. Poor kids.
This weekend as I watched the sisters (being Brett's mom Marilyn and his Aunt Sherri) go about their traditional ways, I realized that carrying on a tradition is a talent, a gift. Being able to bring together large groups of family members who do little to cooperate is not a simple task. I know. I'm one of the least cooperative.
Every year, on Black Friday, the Hyde Sisters begin the amazing, complicated, expensive, difficult, time consuming tradition of dipping chocolates. This is something I've taken for complete granted the past 6 years. I love dipping chocolates. I love making the centers. I love being with the whole family and listening to Christmas music and laughing and telling stupid, pointless stories and yelling at my children for eating more than their legal limit on sweets.
But the thought occurred to me and my sister-in-law that one day it will be up to us to continue this tradition. Me, who can't even bring herself to read a simple story to her kids on Christmas Eve. And I began being Thankful for a whole new reason.I'm thankful for the traditions in our family. I'm thankful that Marilyn and Sherri have the incredible gift, talent, to bring us all together weekly. They hold us together like no glue on earth could. There's a natural force that seems to be dividing families, pushing them away from each other, and I understand a bit more about the incredible strength used to hold everyone together.
tra⋅di⋅tion: 
The handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth of by practice.
I have nothing interesting to say, so do I say nothing? Because if it's just about blogging, and anything will do, even the mundane, well, I could do that all day baby.
You think you know mundane? You know nothing 'til you've lived in my shoes.
Yesterday I took a 4 hour nap (stupid mono.)
Yesterday I listened to 2 hours of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows.
Last night I spent almost 2 hours doing nothing but walking around Gateway.
Last night I was in bed by 9:15, reading Jane Austen's "Persuasion" and thinking, "I really don't like Anne."
Talk about mundane.
The most exciting thing so far today was this video.
But the mundane is about to end.
At 12:20 AM.
Oh yeah.
Kelly out.
Here for your enjoyment, to get you through the hump of eternity:
If
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
Oh my…only 3 days to go.
A wonderful friend of mine got us tickets to the 12:20 AM showing…
Cheyenne, you rock, I'm SO EXCITED!
Call me what you want; say what you will, but I LOVE that Christmas music is on the radio. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
That is all. Kelly out.
This is a fun tag, I hope anyone who reads this takes it on and does it too. It get's ya thinkin'! Thanks Lizzy!
Where were you?
20 years ago: I was 4. I imagine I was floating around happily in a huge backyard with a sandbox. My parents were still married, and I'm pretty sure my older sister was mean to me at times. I think I spent a lot of time with my grandma, too, and my best friend Ashley.
10 years ago: Hmm…14. 9th grade at good ol' Hillcrest. I was gaining a huge interest in English and reading "classics". I read Pride and Prejudice for the first time, and fell in love for the first time (with that book, mind you.) I also became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on December 12 that year. I danced a lot, shattered my foot, and Trevor T. gave me the horrible nick name of "Kelly Breast" instead of Best when he called me down to the front office over the intercom. Never quite forgave Trevor for that.
5 years ago: Let's see, I was 19. I had just gotten married to the most gorgeous man in the world. Young, I know, be quiet. I had great friends and lived in Brett's grandpa's house on State Street next to the South Towne Center. Let's see, I was going to school and failing my Spanish class. Stupid Spanish. And um…I think that's about it.
3 years ago: We had just bought our first house and had a little baby boy and was on our way to number (SURPRISE) two. I stayed at home with my little cow pie and loved every second of it so much that I got a job at RxAmerica and became a Team Lead of 12 very feisty call center agents. I got to travel on business to Las Vegas and Pittsburgh and that was a lot of fun (minus all the throwing up in front of my boss. That was not fun.) Then I had the easiest and fastest delivery of a beautiful baby girl. That was a good year.
1 year ago: I began working at Franklin Covey and still love every day I get to be there. Brett and I had a real Christmas tree, which we decided was so awesome, we're doing it again this year. We lost good friends, but gained some new ones. I started hanging out with Tanya a lot more, and let's just say I'm a little more feisty now for that (thanks Tan). It strange to think, but 1 year ago Aunt Woo was perfectly healthy, and we had no indication that in a few short months she would be diagnosed with cancer, and in an even shorter amount of time would pass away.
This year: Woot! I don't know, this year has flown by with Mexico in January, which rocked some serious Kazba, thanks rents-in-law, and Cohen turning 3 (very emotional for me) and Kembry 2. My poor body has taken several beatings, including surgery, pneumonia, ovarian cysts, and mono. 2008, for me, will always be a black year when it comes to health. But my little sister got married to a really awesome guy, and her initials became KKK. Love her. My little brother and his wife are expecting their first baby, which I am thrilled about because now we'll have little cousins the rodents can play with (their other cousins are a bit older than them). Brett's little brother Brandon, who to me will always be 10 years old, tiny and in love with me, grew like three feet and got a girlfriend. I bet he'll hate that I posted that. Lucky for me, he doesn't read my blog! HA! We lost Aunt Woo in August, which was a hard blow. This will be the first Christmas without Mexican food on Christmas Eve for their family. So many traditions have already come undone, and I know we'll feel her loss most this December.
Yesterday: I slept (surprise), had a delicious dinner (Brett's an amazing cook) and watched High School Musical 2 with Tanya and made fun of it the whole time. It's a real testament of our friendship that she allows me to do this, as she really enjoys the High School Musical Movies, and I am particularly mean when it comes to Vanessa Hudgens overly nasal singing voice.
Today: Today is the day my friends! I don't know what that means. Today, I'm hoping to go to lunch with my mom and sister and my two little monkeys. Tonight, I'm hoping Brett will take me on a date, as it has been 400 years since I've been out of the house.
Next Year: Next year we'll be putting in 9,000 square feet of sod in our back yard, and then living the rest of the year in a tent in said yard. We'll be visiting a National Park with the kids for the first time, and I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they see the red rock, which is my favorite. I won't be taking them to the Grand Canyon, because, frankly, I'm terrified that one of them will fall in. I'm serious. Leave me alone. Next year Cohen will turn 4 and Kembry will turn 3 and hopefully on our way to number three!
I did not die, though, sometimes I think it might have been a better alternative.
Mono. I hate you. Why do you torture me so? Why are you still with me? I haven't been nice to you. I've doused you mercilessly with antibiotics, anti-inflammatory's, and steroids. And yet you persist to hang around. Maybe you haven't gotten the message.
LEAVE ME ALONE!
Anyway, for the rest of you who think I've fallen off the flat edge of the planet, I haven't. I just wish I had.
Here are some things that have been going on around me, but that I've missed due to lying in bed and dying.
-Halloween was awesome. Cohen was a vampire and Kembry a fairy. They were adorable. Pictures to come.
-Only 7 days 'til Twilight. Cheyenne, Tanya, I CANNOT wait.
-Brett's still going to school and working and being wonderful, of course. Ladies, wait around awhile, I think he may be a widower soon.
-I read one of my favorite books, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon. Look it up, it's awesome.
-I'm back to work after being ostracized for three weeks. I don't blame them for not wanting me around. I don't want me around. I'm miserable.
-I miss Tuesday's with Laci.
-I miss Sunshine and lollypops and rainbows.
-The rain is awesome.
-Only 7 days 'til Twilight.
-And ONLY 7 DAYS 'TIL TWILIGHT!
That's about it.
Oh, and Stephanie, do it. Just do it. Dive in and do it. You'll love it.
Talk to you all when the energy I've spent on this post replenishes itself. I'd say about another three weeks.
My good friend Kimbie and I really like to go-in-tow with things together. Let me give you some examples:
Kaiyenna Faith was born 12 days before Kembry Jeany Bum.
I had my gallbladder out, a week later, Kimbie had her appendix removed.
Kimbie got mono- two weeks later, I got mono.
I just really hate being outdone…
So please excuse me while I sleep the last six months of my 24th year of life away…
Oh, and Kimbie…if you could like win a million dollars or a trip to Europe or something…that would be AWESOME!
Okay, I've read so many opinions and thoughts about the words I posted last week concerning the change in Americas economy, and how it's going to affect us.
I've read them, and considered every single one of them, and have thought a lot about the words in the testimony, about what people felt about me posting them, about what people thought of me taking it off my blog.
I've read them all, and now it's my turn to give my opinion, and that will be the end of it.
I read that testimony at 7:30 in the morning, at work, in front of my co-workers, and felt tears well up in my eyes, my heart swell, and a huge release. I felt comforted for the first time since last year, concerning our economy. I felt comforted knowing that I'm NOT THE ONLY MIDDLE CLASS PERSON IN AMERICA worried about this. I felt comforted knowing that I was headed in the right direction, that I was paying my tithing, that I was praying, that I wasn't alone. That I had the Lord.
I remember saying that it didn't matter who said those words, if those were the correct words or not, because the principles included were wonderful and true. I stand by that. I would listen to anyone who had the Spirit speaking through them. I will believe any words that are confirmed by that same Spirit. I live by them. My family lives by them. I'm grateful for them, because without them, where would we be?
I'm not reposting that talk, or testimony, or whatever you want to call it. I'm not saying that anyone in the Church Presidency or otherwise had anything to do with it. But I'm telling you that I believed those words, and I'll stand by that.
MY OPINION, for all of you dozens and dozens of people who are so concerned about plagiarizing, I specifically put up a disclosure stating that I wasn't at the meeting, that I have no proof that the words belonged to anyone individual, and that I thought they were comforting.
I GUESS IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO FOLLOW POLICY THAN TO GIVE COMFORT TO OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
I hope you're all happy that the talk is down, and that so many people who are out there searching for words of comfort at these times, who yearn to feel the Spirit, won't be getting it here. I hope you're happy that policy was followed, and not the Spirit.
But if you're so concerned with policy etc, please refer to your scriptures, which I'm sure you have memorized down to the word, and read about the Ox and the Mire.
If you have any more negative, demeaning, or threatening comments to leave me, take your tired comments somewhere else. We don't do crazy here.
Men, put on your selective reading glasses, or start running away now! We're going to talk about female issues today…
Because technology rocks, and we ladies get special birth control, I only get a visit from Aunt Flo quarterly. Aunt Flo usually doesn't mind only visiting every three months, however, usually one of these visits she comes with a vengeance. "Why haven't you called?" "Too good for your Auntie Flo?" "Look how much those kids have grown, couldn't have sent a picture?" Sometimes she can be really raunchy.
This, in turn, makes me really raunchy. We're talkin' hormones folks. And though I try to drown my woes with chocolate and Midol chasers, around these times I find myself ready to be a rebel rouser, a cry baby, a pain in the butt (sorry Brett) and completely irrational. 7 days of this can kind of ware on a person, and the people around me.
So while I let the hormones ebb and nurse myself back to some sort of normalcy, I'm going to hold off on certain remarks, and I'll try to rein in the sarcastic, mean things I always want to say during this horrid week of the year. You know the saying, "You can remove the nail from the fence, but it still leaves a hole." (I actually learned this from hands on experience recently…funny story, I'll have to show you pictures of my idiocy later.)
Does anyone else get this way? Ha! I hope so, because I'm starting to think about disowning Aunt Flo altogether, though I don't quite know how to get rid of her…darn reproduction.
A few realizations have materialized in my mind today.
One: This is NOT a family blog after all. For obvious reasons: my husband and my children NEVER post. Sheesh, all they do is poop and eat.
Two: I am horribly addicted to PacMan. (Okay, I've already realized that…but I'm an addict, we undulate between acceptance and denial often.)
And Three: I'm going to do the unthinkable here, and compare life, or at least the life in my head, to PacMan.
Here is why my life is like PacMan.
So pin a bow in my hair and call me Mrs. PacMan and tell Brett I've met another man. And keep on chompin'!
INTRODUCING THE NEWEST CHILD TO ENTER MY FAMILY; I HAVE A FEELING WE'RE GOING TO GET ALONG JUST SCHWELL.
Now if only I could figure out how to work it…daddy, can you help me? Someone? Anyone?
Tap tap…anyone out there?
Fine, I'll read the directions.
Thanks Stephanie!
"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I know so many women in my life who are extremely sensative to the silent prayers I whisper in my heart. I'm thankful for them, for their compassion and concern. I'm grateful to know that if I leave town for a couple of days, my absence is noticed and considered. I'm grateful for kind words that I need to hear, and for the women who always seem to know when to speak them, and exactly what to say.
If you'd like to read the rest of President Uchtdorfs wonderful talk given at the RSGC, click here.
Thanks Stephanie for your post!
I'm so bored I could bite off my thumb just to let the pain distract me from the monotony.
A little dramatic?
Well, let me invite you into my day for a moment. Brace yourselves, this could get ugly.
Old Man Caller, we'll call him Fred
Moi: Thank you for calling Franklin Covey (just typing it makes me want to pull my fingernails from their comfy beds.)
Fred: Who is this?
Moi: Franklin Covey. (Now the toenails.)
Fred: This isn't Blue Cross Blue Shield?
Moi: *sigh* No. It's Franklin Covey. (Slice my knee open with a dull spoon.)
Fred: Well what's the right number then?
Moi: I don't know the number, this is Franklin Covey, not Blue Cross Blue Shield. (Shield. Windshield. I'm flying through a windshield right now.)
Fred: What do you mean you don't know the number?
Moi, louder and slower: THIS IS FRANKLIN COVEY.
Fred: Oh, I've dialed the wrong number
**CLICK**
*Sigh*
*Groan*
On the upside, Conference was awesome this weekend, no?
Onward and Upward without bleeding nail beds…hopefully…
A good friend of mine, who absolutely refuses to let me write anything about her or even POST PICTURES, but who religiously reads my blog every day, keeps pestering me and bugging me and calling me on things like, "Why did you stop on day 18 of gratitude? Weren't you going to 30?" and "You haven't posted anything interesting in a long time." Sweetheart, aint she?
I will tell you why Angie, you brat, I HAVE A PROBLEM!
And you can call blame it on Jared R.
I am addicted to PacMan.
Addicted.
And the people at work are having a hay-day with me being hopelessly addicted. Because I swear, a lot. Not the scary swears that only come when someone nearly slams into me because they're stupid and don't know that RED MEANS STOP, and even my three year old know that! No, I swear like this:
Butterscotch
Apple Dumplings
Crap-OLA!
Stupid, dumb, piece of crap ghosts…
And my personal favorite: DIE DIE DIE!
So, if you want interesting, come to Franklin Covey between the hours of 7 and noon, and you'll get some real entertainment.
In the meantime, to my three readers, you'll just have to forgive my absence. At least it's explained. Now, if you'll excuse me, there are five very nasty little ghosts that have angered me for the last time… 
Have you ever imagined being a grain of sand? So small and unique, but so the same as the trillion other grains of sand surrounding you.
I imagine what it would feel like, baking in the hot sun, my round little body pulsing with heat; and then whoosh, the fast and heavy wave coming on me, cooling me with its blue salty water. Then it's gone again, nothing but the sound of the sun warming me for soft feet to come along, sink its wiggly toes into me and my friends. Then whoosh, another sweet cold wash; sometimes pulling me further into the deep, undulating water where I can watch strange creatures swim around me, sometimes picking me up in their mouths just to drop me off a few feet away. Or the wave pushes me further up shore, towards the strange twisted and mangled branches of salt bleached drift wood. I think I'd like to live in the shade of these gigantic, dead trees, and listen to the ocean wreak havoc on my friends, pulling them deeper and deeper into its endless abyss. I think I'd like that.
I'm a Cancer, always pulled West to sunny land where the sun beats down on the white beaches, the blue ocean flowing in a soft line down the shore. Or to the East and the cold water of the Atlantic ocean, where the rain pelts down in freezing, refreshing droplets. Because of this strange pull, I spend a mass amount of my time in the bathtub and endlessly wishing for rain; like a mermaid pulled from the mysterious fathoms below and placed in the middle of a desert surrounded by rocky, sky-high mountains where no sign of my home exists.
So when the clouds mass together in the dark, foreboding purple and black, my heart thumps hard in my chest and my body pulls harder with excitement. I'm surrounded in a sweet, wet world wherever I go on these days…
This is a Cancers strife, ruled by the waves.
Oh when is it going to rain again?
Hi friends. Been trying to call me lately? Yeah…um, the hubby "accidentally" cut the phone line while digging up a fence in our backyard. So…you know, call me on my cell and I'll continue to not answer…
Sorry Tanya! Just come over, seriously! You know you're welcome into my messy home any day, any time.
I turns out that I'm enjoying my Monday nights alone with the kids a lot more than I would have previously expected. In fact, I down-right love 'em!
Last night, especially, because Kembry went to bed at 7:30!! I didn't know what to do with myself, having only one child who actually BEHAVES. (Don't get me wrong, I adore Kembry Jeany Bum, but sometimes even Saints, such as myself, need a break!)
So, we got out a puzzle. Something Cohen and I would NEVER have been able to do if Kembry was awake and Daddy was home. Kembry would've picked up the pieces and thrown them around my perfectly clean room (HA!) and daddy would've…daddy would've…daddy would've distracted mommy. That's what he always does.
Anywho, I thought I'd share with you some cute Cohen pictures.
Thanks Steph! I love hearing about things people wouldn't normally just talk about.
What are the last three things you purchased? (Aside from groceries)
What are the last three songs you downloaded for you iPod
What are your three favorite movies? (I'll have to answer that in terms of THIS EXACT SECOND, because they change every other second.)
What are three things you have not done yet? (I'm going with Steph on this one and assuming its THREE THINGS I'd like to do).
What are three things you cannot live without excluding people?
What are your three favorite dishes?
Sorry….I couldn't help it.
What are you three favorite TV shows?
What are the last three places to which you traveled that are more than 100 miles away?
What are your three favorite deserts?
What are three things you would buy if money was not an issue?
(I'm going to answer this for Brett, because he talked about this last night and it was so funny. He's cute.)
Three people I tag:
Today I'm grateful for books. You thought I was going to talk about how super-grateful I am for grandma's huh? Well, you're wrong! I mean, you're right in that I am super-grateful for grandma's, but they'll get their day. Oh, they'll get their day.
Anywho, books. The two of you who know me probably don't know that I actually do have a nose, though it's usually pressed nicely into the spine of a book. My love of reading, and therefore love of smooshed noses, came from mi pap. I was but a weee lass when he indoctrinated this insatiable need to be constantly reading. He read to me when I was a little girl, and as time went on, he would pay me $$BIG BUCKS$$ to read a book, and then write a report on it. We're talkin' TEN DOLLAR BILLS here folks.
My very first REAL chapter book was "The Giver" by Lois Lowry. And the list goes on for twenty miles from there.
I am so grateful for books. They're a transport into another world. Reading Rainbow says it best: "I can go anywhere! It's in a book so just take a look…" They work my brain out. They teach me new words like "brooding" and "crux" and such. I like crux. I envy writers their imaginations, their fortitude to sit down and put on paper on the evil going-ons in their brains and then let hundreds of thousands of people read them.
Like Stephenie Myer. Wasn't she worried that people would be thinking "What a crazy psycho-sexual woman this Stephenie Meyer woman is!"? I mean, not that I thought that or anything…
I'm grateful for the women of the 18th and 19th century who were witty and funny and feisty and didn't care what the "man" thought. They wrote some of my favorite books. Like "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and "Anne of Green Gables" and "Wuthering Heights". Books like these will probably never be written again because there just aren't women like these women anymore. We're all too "feminist" and "let me pay for my own dinner pig" and "who needs to write a book when I've got TIVO" sort of chicks who don't shave their armpits or wear bras. Ok, that's mostly me. Regardless.
I'm grateful for the men in the same era who had social and political stances that were potentially dangerous to their lives, but they went ahead and made note of the times. "The Count of Monte Cristo" by Dumas, "A Tale of Two Cities" by Dickens (though it was written by an Englishman a couple of decades late…so his life really wasn't at risk for his opinion, he was just depressed and angry…) and "Les Miserables" which I was FINALLY able to finish and am still depressed because of it. I learned a lot about French History from fictional novels. So there Mr. Wood! And I must throw in there "The Phantom of the Opera", because, to me, that's one of the sweetest love stories ever. Edward and Bella have nothing on Christine and Raul!
I love watching my children grow to love and appreciate books. They're only 2 and 3, but already they lie in bed and look at books and try to read them. Cohen makes up his own stories; he's so creative, so imaginative. I've even given Brett the "book fever".
I think about "1984" and "The Book Thief" and all the horror of piles of books burning. Gone. What we lost in the fire, indeed. I hear that Junior Highs have band "To Kill a Mockingbird". This is beyond me. PTA 2010 BEWARE!
Books are an amazing blessing. They give us an interesting look into history. Not just the going-ons, but what the people were like, what they thought, their opinions. Just like the Beatles who wrote passionate music about their views, writers all over the world in every era have left us amazing footprints and insights into their world. "The Book of Mormon" and "The Bible" are amazing books with a history of world and creation, truth and knowledge, good and evil, love and hate. I'm so grateful for these books above all, because they give me the most important knowledge.
So take that and smoke it in your pipe "BIG BROTHER"!
Oh my, these grand pappy's are by far the greatest three grand pappy's this side of the Nile. Either side of the Nile. In DeNILE. Haha, stupid joke.
Dad. My dad. Papa Tim. I think he started contemplating grand-babies 6.8 seconds after he found out Brett and I were getting married. He didn't stop pestering. He was so excited that Brett and I decided to invite him to Cohen's ultrasound where Cohen was named Buford by my dad. Well, needless to say, Buford and Papa Tim are nearly inseparable. I had more baseball hats on my pregnant belly that anyone should have to put up with. Papa Tim works on choo choo trains, and even took Cohen and Kembry on one! He thinks of grand-dad-hood the way I think of roast beef and mashed potatoes with carrots: our eyes get all glazed over and we begin to drool. Like father like daughter. Bit different though…I guess…I mean, I hope he doesn't want to eat my babies!!
Let's throw into the mix Papa Mike. Oy gava. Papa Mike. Toys in the diaper, chocolate ALL THE TIME, giggling non-stop, crude remarks about bodily functions. I remember not having any expectations of Mike when we had Cohen. I remember thinking that it was okay if he didn't take right away to a new born baby. And I was right to. Mikey doesn't like the newborn babies so much. He says they look like creepy aliens, and, after he explained to me why, I can kind of see it. Anywho, not long after this little revelation about Mikey's feelings towards newborns, Kembry came along. Love at first site. One day, Kembry was only a few weeks old, Marilyn handed the girl over to the grandpa and said, "Hold her for a sec." Well, he had his arms out all awkward like, but he held her the rest of the afternoon. He even looked at her a few times. Needless to say, he's now happily wrapped around her tiny little fingers.
Papa Scott and the race cars. That's all we get out of Cohen. Papa Scott and the race cars. Papa Scott has a race car. Papa Scott was watching race cars. Cohen and Papa Scott are truly a match made in heaven. Anything that goes fast, they both react the same way I react to roast beef and mashed potatoes with carrots: eyes all glazed over and drool and all. What? I like roast beef, and they really love things that go fast! And what Brett and I love about Papa Scott is that he has some strange defense against Kembry's puppy-dog-give-me-anything-and-everything-I-want eyes. Well, almost completely immune…
Today I'm grateful for these grand-pappies. They make my kids lives! Anytime you even begin to say "Papa" we get bright eyes and squeals of delight. After a visit, the kids talk about it for days. Thank you Papa Tim, Papa Mike and Papa Scott and the race car. We love and appreciate you so much!! Now where's my roast beef?
Oh my, I'm sure I need not go into detail about my gratitude for rain. I'm sure the two of you who read my blog agree with me whole heartedly.
But oh my, I am so very grateful for rain. I love the way the wet dirt and grass smell. The way the street lights reflect of the shiny surface of the road. The sound of splashing as cars drive through big puddles; in my case, it's usually on purpose.
I love rain in the early morning. It's a unique color of clouds that cover the skies then. A dark purple mixed with blue mixed with a unique color of silver and yellow as the sun tries to break through the wall of rain. It never really does, but I'm grateful that it tries so hard.
I love the way it feels on my skin, on my skull. I love feeling each little droplet hit my head. I love it, too, when it's a torrential down pour, and you can't be outside for more than a second without getting completely and utterly soaked.
I'm gonna go stand outside in the rain for a bit folks. Please feel free to visit me in the hospital once I get pneumonia again!
So super easy. This coming from a person whose attempted to make her own header for like six months now, STILL WITH NO SUCCESS. Hence the one you see now. Anywho…
Steph, if I can do it, Sasquatch can. Now who wants to come and hold my hand and show me how to make a customized header? Kimbie? Alright, we've got a volunteer!
P.S. The best part is the FONTS! You don't have to go all HTML crazy in blogger. You get 'em all right here…awesome.
As I posted before, I found some friends from high school on the good ol' WWW. Well, Anna Banana (I've never actually called her that, and I hope she doesn't disown me as a human being for doing so) posted about being able to post FROM MICROSOFT WORD! I had to read her post a few times, for my eyes were in complete disbelief. And my brain was a puddle of goo. Is. Is a puddle of goo.
So here I am, POSTING FROM MICROSOFT WORD! This may only be exciting for you technically challenged folks like myself. Basically, this is exciting only for me. But, because we're so close, my two readers, I thought I would share this most exciting piece of news.
That is all.
Have a lovely weekend. I'll leave you alone now.
